Water Ski Jumping not for the Faint of Heart

First appeared on June 28th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

While meant to be relaxing, summer vacations are more often exhausting and fraught with stress. After hours of debate, several Google searches and one dart tossing session that served only to lengthen my “Honey Do” list (see: spackling, vinyl), our 2011 vacation destination remained elusive.
When inspiration struck, the wife put down the remote and I my copy of 101 Places to See Before You Die as we, as though scripted by the writers of Glee, shared an over exuberant look before bursting out in harmonious melody(with perfect pitch mind you): “Yes Michigan!”
We proceeded to lock our navigation system on Northern Michigan and its crown jewel Mackinac Island. Interesting Side note: Michigan’s founding fathers were undoubtedly an odd lot. These gentlemen were apparently quite foresighted but hopelessly unoriginal. After deciding to lobby for Federal Park status to protect Mackinac, the General Assembly went on to push the limits of creativity by nicknaming the northern half of their state the “Up North” region.
Located amidst the Mackinac Straits which links Lake Huron with Lake Michigan, Mackinac Island is no longer a National Park. The island is however a mosaic of Victorian homes, dense forests of Pine, Cedar, Maple and Oak all shading patches of striking Forget-Me-Nots, Asters and bell shaped Lady Slippers.
Mackinac was a unique experience, but as if decreed by either the Laws of Nature or the U.S. Constitution, no vacation is complete without visiting family. So it was, after driving the wife (who has been with child for a mere 4 months now) like a sled dog on an 8 mile bike ride around the island, we bid Mackinac adieu before heading south.
Our journey took us through Oak Grove. And while you likely know this place for its outstanding Whitefish Dip and Meat Pasties, the Grove’s real celebrity lies in its position on the 45th parallel. So the next time you find yourself hauling the family from the Equator to the Arctic Circle via Michigan, book a room in Oak Grove because it marks the halfway point between the two.
Minnesota’s moniker “Land of 10,000 Lakes” may conjure images of Gophers on water skis and lead one to believe she has cornered the market on water sports, but Michigan certainly has grounds for protest. Water sports are big business in Michigan which we discovered after attending the 2011 King of Darkness Water Ski Jump.
Skiing behind a Malibu Response LXI with a Corvette engine flexing over 400 HP, competitors hit 36 miles per hour and can top 70 while whipping towards a ramp capable of propelling them over 200 feet across the water. All this makes one wonder: What could possibly be more extreme? This is where the “Darkness” part comes in. Apparently organizers decided that, outside of skiers strapped to rockets, the only way they could infuse more danger into their event would be to host it after dark.
For many of us the idea of extreme waterskiing involves Twiggy the squirrel but for those who haven’t seen it, Professional Water Ski Jumping is like Evel Knievel meets MTV’s Jackass. From the pounding bass of piped in music to booths hocking everything water sports to kids on wave skaters imitating their newfound heroes while weaving through a crowd packed so densely around the beach it appears one large mass of tattoos and board shorts, it was all a carnival of the extreme.
Held on tiny Stewart Lake in Groveland Oaks County Park, the 2011 King of Darkness competition brought in some of the top jumpers in the world. Vying for a share of $35,000 in prize money, the Men’s Finals pitted Florida native Freddy “The Nightmare” Krueger against Ryan “The Machete” Dodd.
Under the cover of darkness, the only visible light emanating from floating pontoon islands inhabited by generators charging telescoping light towers, these two men went toe to toe in a 3 jump final. Earlier in the competition, Krueger (who holds the world record jump besting 240 feet) had maxed out the Splasheye.com “Splash-O-Meter” after surging over 230 feet. In the end the Canadian Dodd was too strong however as he became the Skiers Pier 2011 “King of Darkness”.
While I would not advise Water Ski Jumping for the novice, I would not hesitate to recommend a trip to Mackinac Island or your attending a Professional Water Ski event. For both are certainly quite unique in their own way.

© 2011 Eric Walker Williams