You can put lipstick on a bad decision and it's still a bad decision

First appeared on November 18th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Sunday Night’s Colts-Patriots match up had it all. The bright lights of primetime, the drama that comes with two of the games biggest stars locking horns and, not to mention, all the excitement that comes with “Bring your own mousetrap night” at Lucas Oil Stadium.
With NBC’s Chris Collinsworth dubbing it the “greatest rivalry of all time”, this game had hype too. In fact when was the last time we saw so much hype surrounding anything? OK, obviously not counting Oprah’s interview with Sarah Palin. Patriot fans waited patiently and, this is just a guess, were probably disappointed (in both instances).
After the Pacers beat the Celtics Friday night, the weekend started very well for those who harbor a genuine dislike for professional sports franchises based in the New England area. And just when it seemed the Patriots would even the score Sunday Night, Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick finally rolled the dice one too many times.
Chapter 1 of the “Idiot’s Guide to Beating the Colts” says load the line of scrimmage up and run the ball down their throats. In true Belichick style however, the Patriots threw the book out the window. New England appeared more interested in going after an Indianapolis secondary filled with so many new faces that even season ticket holders were busy scrambling for their programs.
It was quintessential Belichick, flying in the face of conventionality. Genius he may be, he still is as nontraditional as they come. Clad in a ratty sweatshirt and mousy hair, the Patriot’s head coach looks more like the volunteer assistant for a high school team rather than the leader of a three time World Champion. Despite this, all the guy does is generate game plans capable of stopping football’s version of Albert Einstein (Peyton Manning) in his tracks. Belichick is the image of the guy you’d see dipping snuff on the sidelines of a varsity game while telling 17 year olds to “check the tape” to prove he once scored five touchdowns against a county rival.
Looking back there were so many decisions that went wrong for Indianapolis. Poor choices that should have sunk them starting with the indoor fireworks that ignited the turf and almost caused the mass evacuation of 65,000 people. Then there was Peyton’s intercepted pass to Pierre Garcon in the 3rd quarter which became a poor choice considering it followed a momentum stealing pick by Antoine Bethea. And let us not forget the game time decision to keep the roof closed on the Luke; which one can only surmise was made to protect Al Michaels’ new hair hat from springing to life in the stirring Midwestern winds.
Of course the “Worst Decision of the Night” award goes to Belichick for not punting on 4th and 2 from his own 30 yard line with two minutes left in the game. In making the call so much was lost. The game, probably any hope for homefield advantage and perhaps even Belichick’s status as “Greatest Modern Football Mind”.
Forget the inability of the Colts to stop the run, the real story of this game was their inability to run the ball. Youth was another factor. All season long the Colts have leaned on a group of rookies for production. Sunday night this crew, who had previously been nothing but solid, finally looked like the rookies they are. All this together should have been enough to seal the fate of the men in blue, but then Belichick happened. Simply put, Indy’s the better team; and the good news for Belichick is we’ve got the tape to prove it.

Oh Danny Boy...Saturday is a must win for you.

First appeared on November 12th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

One can be certain there were many things Purdue’s rookie Head Coach Danny Hope expected to say in his first year. Tired phrases like “This was a learning experience” or “We demonstrated improvement” or perhaps even, “You throw the records out for the Oaken Bucket”. But surely not even Danny Hope himself, nor even the most optimistic of optimists for that matter, and yes this includes the President of the Optimists Club of West Lafayette should he be reading this now over his mug half full of steaming hot coffee, ever expected to be using the words “must win game” during Purdue’s 2009 football season. But that being said, sure as Nancy Pelosi rammed health care down the throats of the House last week, this Saturday’s match up at Ross Aide Stadium with Michigan State is just that. A must win game.
While the Big Ten was falling in love with that fickle temptress Iowa, Purdue was quietly overachieving; well overachieving as much as is possible while still having a 4-6 record. Purdue’s season can be summed up in a few words: inconsistent, amazing, ugly and baffling. Danny Hope rode in with zero expectations for year 1 and is suddenly two wins away from bowl eligibility. Somehow it all happened so quickly, almost as quick as Endora could turn her son-in-law Darren Stephens into an uninspired and overweight Tabby cat.
Of course Samantha could always fix the problem with a wiggle of her adorable little nose. Unfortunately for Danny Hope, when Sparty comes to West Lafayette Saturday it will take more than the wiggle of a witch’s nose to get the job done. On paper things don’t look good for Purdue, but when was the last time they did? While both teams are 3-3 in conference play, State has one of the top ranked offenses in the Big Ten and is the overall leader in total yardage. Conversely Purdue’s defense is not amongst the top ranked and leads in almost no categories.
Proverbially putting the cart before the horse for a moment, Purdue finishes the year in Bloomington. Imagine for a moment the possibility of a sexy Oaken Bucket game the outcome of which could propel the Boilers to a bowl bid. The drama that would exist if the Indiana Hoosiers were the only thing standing in Purdue’s path to a bowl game (wait, we’ve already been down that road haven’t we?).
Somehow Hope has to find a way to bury that talk for a week. Purdue needs to focus all its energies on beating Michigan State or this year simply goes down as “The last time we beat Michigan”. A forgotten season only to be revisited when the dust gets blown off the scrapbook 43 years from now as young wide-eyed Boiler fans want to learn more about the last Purdue team to win in the Big House.
The next two weeks possess multiple possibilities and still somehow the Boiler program lacks energy overall. From his slammed baseball cap and spread offense all the way down to his cowcatcher of a mustache, Hope is seen simply as a clone of Joe Tiller (by the way Danny-Magnum P.I. called, he wants his stache back). Hope has his work cut out for him if he wishes to escape the stereotype of being Joe Tiller Jr. Boiler fans somehow grew weary of Tiller’s perpetual bowl berths, so the pressure is on for Hope to carve out his own identity while winning enough games to keep his job simultaneously. Beating Michigan State Saturday would definitely be a step in the right direction.

When Dr. Jack is involved, you know you've got problems

First appeared on November 4th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Someone get Dr. Jack on the phone. Apparently the nation is ready to pull the plug on baseball. Instant replay on home run calls was bad enough but now that everyone has come to the realization that Major League Umpires are in fact human, and not battery operated humanoids created by Japanese schoolboys with idle time on their hands, most are ready to supplant the judgment of the umpire with the technology of instant replay.
Bringing more instant replay to baseball however smacks of America giving up. Giving up on 150 years of history, giving up on umpires and giving up on the eternal struggle of man vs. computer. If movies like Artificial Intelligence have taught us anything, other than sometimes straight to video is a good thing, it’s that often more technology only muddies the water.
The real question to be asked here is why more replay and why now? Since when do we as Americans give up so easily? It’s entirely possible the current clamor for replay is a product of our long history as a progressive nation of inventors. Was it not us after all who found a way to build a car that could rust in the showroom? Were we satisfied by the convenience of TV dinners? No, we invented the Lunchable for those too lazy to use a microwave.
It would appear the only motivation for using more replay now is to sock the mouths of those whining for it. But while instant replay may bring us slow motion looks in high definition; what will it really solve? Technology or not, a human being will still make the final call at the end of the day. Using instant replay in baseball now would be like building a chair for the Statue of Liberty. Just because we can doesn’t mean it’s necessary; Lady Liberty has been standing fine on her own for 120 years after all.
The cold hard truth is that ours is an imperfect world. Much to their chagrin, the Umpire has long stood as the much heckled mascot of imperfection. This just in- man is not perfect, for evidence see every President since Theodore Roosevelt or simply ask my wife. So a few bad playoff calls have the natives restless. It isn’t totally surprising, as a society we’ve grown accustomed to being bailed out whenever we appear incapable of solving our own problems; I blame Batman, and the Chinese.
So rest safe ye fans of the rosin bag, unlimited time outs and stepping out of the batters box to tighten those batting gloves- replay will certainly slow baseball down even more. This won’t sit well with the younger demographic; which baseball views as an insurance policy. The last thing viewers accustomed to seeing dirt bikes turning somersaults 75 feet off the ground want to sit through is three foul ball replay reviews during the same at bat.
For the rest of us, the delays that replay will bring to Baseball will simply provide more opportunities to make trips to the kitchen, check our email or perhaps build an all-seasons room off the back of the house.
Baseball’s rich history is full of magical moments. There are no controversial calls clouding our memories of America’s game. Be it the Willie Mays catch in centerfield or Kirk Gibson’s pinch hit homer, it’s magical moments like these that we remember. The very reason we watch centers around the chance of witnessing another historic moment. As dramatic as baseball can be, magical moments aren’t so magical when we have to sit around and wait for the replay.