The Year in Review

First appeared on December 31st, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter.

As preparations are begun for our journey into the unknown abyss that is 2009, we feel it necessary to pause for a moment and reflect on the year that was 2008. What better way to do so than by recognizing a few of the more notable efforts in the sports world with our own version of a hokey year end awards column. Of course it must be noted there was no voting of any kind in this process which should make them all the more illegitimate and inconsequential.
The award for “best job of finally escaping your older brother’s shadow after all these years of hearing how great he is” goes to Eli Manning of the New York Giants for winning Super Bowl XLII. Nice job Eli- of course a real goal oriented person would set their sights on snagging a league MVP trophy next, you know like the two (soon to be three) your older brother Peyton has.
For all his diligent work at Indiana University, former men’s basketball coach Kelvin Sampson earns the “man whose name will most likely forever force Hoosier fans to utter a well deserved and unflattering expletive” award. Of course we feel certain there is absolutely no explanation whatsoever necessary here and, somewhat remarkably, when attempting to notify him of his prestigious nomination Sampson couldn’t be reached by phone.
The award for “diminishing the performances of all other Olympic athletes in Beijing while making someone seem absolutely inhuman and larger than life” goes to NBC sports for their coverage of Michael Phelps and his pursuit of Olympic infamy. In their acceptance speech NBC should thank not only Phelps for his amazing performance (some might say ‘superhero in a speedo-like’) but they should give a nod as well to the IOC as well for not personally inviting Mark Spitz to witness his own records being shattered.
The “it’s been a long time coming” award goes to Tony George for reuniting open wheel racing. In ending the 12 year split between Champ and IRL fans should soon see what had become the Greatest Debacle in Racing return to form as the Greatest Spectacle in Racing (snake pit and all). Of course this doesn’t mean the mad scientist George is completely done tinkering in his laboratory; we did see motorcycles racing at IMS in September after all. What could possibly be next? Hot air balloons? Wait- that’s already been done.
For finding a way to get 12 millionaires to stuff a laundry list of individual agendas into their suitcases long enough to give the rest of the world an Olympic sized beat down on their way to winning the gold medal in men’s basketball, head coach Mike Krzyzewski is deserving of something. Of course understand we have begrudgingly nominated Coach K here and our stubborn pride prevents us from aptly naming his award; for to this day we retain a certain level of bitterness over the National Semi-Final loss our beloved Hoosiers suffered to Duke in 1992.
Of course the best story of the year no doubt happened here in Lebanon. The “heart of gold” award for 2008 goes to those Lebanon residents who gave so selflessly in coming to the aid of Alex Rose and his family when their lives were turned completely upside down. After Alex was severely injured in an ATV accident late in the summer countless individuals volunteered in various ways to help make the Rose family’s lives more manageable. All of this kind-hearted generosity simply underscores the fact that we remain residents of the “Friendly City” indeed. Best wishes to you and yours in the New Year.

To Sit or Not to Sit

First apppeared on December 24th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter.

To sit or not to sit, that is the question the Colts must answer. At 11-4, and winners of 8 straight, Indianapolis has already sealed its playoff fate and, coming into this weekend, once again the men in blue face the tough decision of what to do with another meaningless game. Theories abound on how this situation is best handled and it goes without saying there is no obvious right answer. For the Colts only one man knows what will happen for sure on Sunday and that is head Coach Tony Dungy.
As we have seen in the past, when Dungy sits his best he sends a clear message to the rest of the league; for Indianapolis the regular season is over. Over? In the infamous words of Bluto from Animal House “was it over when the Germans bombed Pear Harbor?” Of course in quoting one of the most strangely inspirational movie scenes of all time we are contending this season is in fact not over and the Colts should play their studs against Tennessee, at least for a half.
Time and again history has proven you reap what you sow. When guys play, theoretically they improve (see Peyton Manning’s season this year after missing training camp) and when you sit healthy players it doesn’t take long for rust to develop (see 2006 Divisional loss to Pittsburgh).
Any way you split it this is a no win situation for Tony Dungy. If he doesn’t play his starters and the Colts fail to win the Super Bowl then Dungy obviously made the wrong choice. If he plays his starters and Manning blows his good knee out or Freeney’s bad foot falls off then Dungy is obviously a fool. And to say Tony Dungy is a fool after all he’s done in Indianapolis is like calling politics in Illinois transparent.
With Thursday’s victory over Jacksonville, a Tony Dungy-led team qualified for its 10th straight playoff appearance (going back to his days with Tampa Bay). It marks his 7th in a row with Indy and the 10 consecutive is a new NFL record that allows the Colts coach to ease his way past the “Man in the Hat” Tom Landry. The Colts have also won 11 or more games in 6 straight years. This mark ties them with the 1976-81 Dallas Cowboys for the NFL record and, in case you were wondering, the aforementioned Cowboys were coached by the aforementioned “Man in the Hat”.
With all this in mind it should come as no shock that Tony Dungy (more than anyone else in NFL history) probably knows what he’s doing should he choose to sit his best players Sunday. Pondering his career to this point we are convinced Dungy is most likely part Jedi master, part football coach and for the most part a first class human being. Irregardless of what he decides, Indy fans should just find solace in the fact that he is still the one making these types of decisions in the Circle City.
In all seriousness this is a situation the NFL needs to take a long look at. Over 60,000 fans will show up Sunday having paid full price for tickets to what they expect will be an NFL game. Many will be sporting jerseys of players who will probably never even step foot on the field. Perhaps in the end this is all merely a tremendously complicated ruse by Colts owner Jim Irsay and his merchandising department to boost the sales of their second string jerseys.
The bottom line in all of this is that we are going to be forced to suffer through yet another meaningless game. A game played mostly by a group of well seasoned bench warmers who will most likely be unavailable for a last minute signing in any fantasy football league; which of course renders their participation all the more completely useless. Alas this is the corner the Colts, and more importantly the league, have painted themselves into and it would seem there is no logical way out for either now.

Baby Boilers all Grown Up

First appeared on December 17th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

There was a time when the Big Ten’s battle between the red sweater and the bad comb over meant everything. Alas the face of the Big Ten conference is changing. The days of the legendary Knight- Keady showdowns are gone and, now that the league has seen an influx of younger coaches and a mandate that all bench chairs be bolted to the floor, one coach has quietly worked his way to the top.
After an inaugural season that saw the Boilers go 9-19 under his leadership, Matt Painter has led a resurrection to the top of the Big Ten. But, just like Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, Painter isn’t fooling anybody. We know whose playbook he‘s stealing pages from. As a former player and assistant under long time Boilermaker front man Gene Keady, Painter has done well putting a 21st century spin on his mentor’s old school philosophy.
To put it plainly, Painter’s Boilers are hard nosed. And when we say hard we mean real hard; hard as in an Abe Lincoln’s nose on Mt. Rushmore kind of hard. This hard nosed “getter done” with defense approach is nothing new to fans of the Boilermakers. In fact, this year’s team exhibits every bit the same defensive vigor and purpose that Keady hammered into his players for 25 years. The biggest difference now is that Painter is preaching his mentor’s defensive philosophy of maximum effort to a group of blue chip recruits that were so few and far between under Keady.
Aside from a couple poor outings, including their first flirtation with the national stage against Duke and their overlooking a scrappy Indiana State team last weekend, Purdue has been rock solid this season. In fact they are rolling opponents by almost 20 a game (a number which is all the more impressive when it includes a 16 point loss to Duke).
To this point the Boilers have racked up 35 more steals than the opposition. They have 79 less turnovers and are smothering opponents into .34% shooting from the field. Throw in a margin of plus 66 in assists along with an average of 20 free throws per game and the Boilers have found a winning recipe for basketball.
JaJuan Johnson’s development as a force inside should help Purdue endure the rough and tumble Big Ten season. E’Twaun Moore is a guard with length who can score as well as defend and, if it isn’t already, Robbie Hummel’s picture should be found in the dictionary under “Basketball Player”. Along with defending Defensive Player of the Year Chris Kramer, the Boilers also have a nice combination of smaller guards who are excellent defenders in their own right.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where the inspiration for the mascots of both schools came from when one sees Purdue Pete’s square jaw and the hook nose and pointy ears of Duke’s Blue Devil. With this in mind, Painter is filling Keady’s shoes well so far. It isn’t always easy to follow an icon at a major university; Just ask Mike Davis and John Treloar…and then just Mike Davis…and then Kelvin Sampson…and of course then Dan Dakich for like half a game…and now Tom Crean.
But to call these Boilers the Baby Boilers now is like telling President Bush to duck. It’s too late; these guys aren’t babies anymore. In fact they have went from being the babies of the Big Ten to the bullies. Instead of just trying to win games, the Boilers are looking to steal your lunch money AND beat you up. It’s this bully-like mentality, and Painter’s style, that should carry the Boilers a long way this season.

Welcome to the Bizarro World

First appeared on December 10th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

The other day the cashier at Steak and Shake, in a subtle tone reminiscent of Hitler during his Reichstag speech, informed us we were wrong for arguing our tab. Evidently the “4 meals under $4” they are advertising actually costs a staggeringly ridiculous, and not to mention falsely advertised, $4.35. Well those who have been following our predictions lately may have noticed a trend as well. They’ve been completely wrong too. Over a month ago we pronounced the Colts dead in the water and said they would miss the playoffs. Six weeks and six straight wins later the Colts are positioning themselves well for the postseason. Last week we argued that Ball State deserved far more respect nationally than what they have received. Evidently as a way of thanking us, the Cards went out and lost the MAC championship over the weekend.
All of this has our confidence somewhat shaken as for some time now we have seemingly been living in the Bizarro World. Down is up, up is down and nothing is as it should be. It’s as if instead of everything we touch turning to gold; everything we touch has been turning to zinc, nickel, copper or whatever element would be considered the opposite of gold. Everyone knows it is rare indeed for the TV weather guys to admit when they’re wrong but we won’t hesitate- we were wrong and the fact that we are so quick to admit we were wrong is probably one of the largest reasons we didn’t go into TV weather to begin with; well that and our lack of a degree in meteorology and perfect hair.
But now that we have discovered our newfound superpower (the ability to get everything wrong), we feel obliged to use it for good. Perhaps now we will be capable of altering the future course of events to our benefit. In other words if we’re guaranteed to get everything wrong, maybe we can actually get things right (in a round a bout way).
With this in mind we believe the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl this season and, in doing so, Bill Belichick will be named coach of the year (don’t worry, there’s still time to invest money in the video tape industry before the playoffs). Of course there is no way the Colts will win the Super Bowl again because Peyton Manning will never return to the form of his MVP seasons.
Mike Krzyzewski will win his fourth national championship this year allowing him to best the three claimed by his mentor Bobby Knight. North Carolina will become the first men’s college basketball team to go undefeated since the aforementioned Knight’s 1976 Indiana Hoosiers and McDonalds will never add the McRib to their permanent menu. Ed McMahon will never knock on our door with a check for a million dollars and this year, instead of celebrating Christmas for time honored family traditions, Americans will continue to celebrate it out of some twisted sense of commercial responsibility.
But enough with this George Costanza approach to life. Sports are often illogical (see Buffalo over Ball State). This is most likely the largest reason so many Americans are drawn to them. The illogicality of sports is also most likely the reason we are drawn to pontificating upon them in the first place. If sports were predictable Vegas odds makers and bookies would be waiting on line at every soup kitchen and government cheese house from Oxnard to Jekyll Island. For most, the unpredictability of sports is what makes them charming. And we say beware anyone who tells you they can predict the outcome of sport with regularity for they are nothing more than a modern day snake charmer or traveling medicine man; or perhaps worse- a TV weatherman in disguise.

Ball State Deserves More

First appeared on December 3rd, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

At one time Ball State was best known for simply being a teacher’s college founded by five brothers who had made their fortune in the canning industry. It took a lovable gap-toothed talk show host armed with quirky gimmicks like “Stupid Pet Tricks” and the “Top Ten reasons you will never go to Muncie” to put the university on the national map. This season however, Ball State is garnering national attention for reasons altogether foreign to fans and alums alike.
To illuminate the spectacular season Ball State’s football team has had we felt obliged to pay homage to the genius of BSU alum David Letterman by offering now our Top Ten things you may or may not have known about the undefeated Cards.
10. Before the season started the powers that be picked Ball State to finish second in the MAC conference’s western division (that means third overall in the conference); leaving us to ponder if there has ever been a time in recorded history where a preseason prediction in any sport has ever been correct.
9. Cardinal Defensive end Brandon Crawford is a 32 year old Junior and former marine. Last spring Crawford added to his unique resume by winning the Terry Award which is given to players who show courage as football student athletes.
8. Ball States high octane offense is piloted by quarterback Nate Davis who is ranked sixth nationally in passer rating. This puts him just behind the likes of Sam Bradford and Tim Tebow (both of which are in the current national discussion for the Heisman Trophy Award).
7. For much of the season, the Cardinals standout quarterback has been protected by a Lebanon Tiger. Red shirt freshman and former All State tackle Kreg Hunter has seen time on the offensive line for the Cards.
6. At 5’6 and 184 pounds, junior running back MiQuale Lewis barrels through linebackers like a bowling ball pounding through a 9-10 split. After 12 games the life sized Brunswick Avalanche Slide (oddly placed bowling ball reference) is ranked fourth nationally with 1,570 rushing yards and is third overall in scoring with 20 touchdowns.
5. The conversation about the future of Cards coach Brady Hoke, one of only 18 men nationally to be coaching their Alma matter, has already begun. Cardinal fans should rest safe in the knowledge that Hoke is a proud Ball State alum and, beyond this, his wife and only daughter are both former graduates as well.
4. There have only been two Ball State teams that have ever won 10 games in a season and Brady Hoke has been a part of both. In case you’ve chosen to start reading the column here-Hoke coaches this year’s undefeated Cardinal team. He was also a four year letterman and member of the 1978 squad that went 10-1.
3. For our left brain readers Ball State has gone 44 games without being shut out. They are ranked in the top 20 nationally in both total yards and points scored. They are seventh overall in 3rd down conversions and have punched it in nearly 88% of the time from the proverbial red zone. They have never trailed at the half of any game this season and have been pounding opponents by an average of 21 points per game.
2. Ball State is pretty good.
1. Despite their outstanding season, and due largely to the totalitarian wisdom of the faceless entity that shall be forever known as the BCS, the Cardinals and their undefeated record seem destined for an unglamorous match up with some mediocre school nobody cares about come January. This is the injustice the BCS needs to address and soon.