Father Christmas has been good to Hoosiers

First appeared on December 12, 2012
in The Lebanon Reporter

It’s that time again. Time to brave the crowds, embrace our hunter gatherer roots and fight the animal tendency in all of us to hammer our fellow man in the face, all in the name of making the Christmas dreams of our bright eyed children come true.

And knowing full well you won’t be the father of a four year old who can’t find Indiana on a map, you settle on the Melissa and Doug Wooden Puzzle of the United States. A must-have of every toy closet, stately cornstalks of gold mark Nebraska and there’s Florida with its proverbial giant round orange while a lone Saguaro cactus stands guard over Arizona.

Yes a marvel of modern Elf ingenuity indeed. But what’s this? Indiana has no race car or basketball? In their stead, crouched over the crossroads of America, is some strange creature that appears half whistle pig, half beaver.

This is what the national impression of Indiana has come to? An overgrown rat? Hoosiers have a better chance of seeing Sasquatch roaming their backyards than this Capybara-like creature. Melissa and Doug’s official statement is they chose a beaver for Indiana “due to all the parks.” Really? It’s insulting; to Indiana and beavers.
One can only hope that, in the last two months alone, Sports Illustrated has done more to remake Indiana’s image than anything Melissa and Doug could ever do to trash it. In that time the editors of SI have chosen the images of Indiana’s Cody Zeller, Notre Dame’s Football Team and the Colts’ Andrew Luck to move their magazine. This alone proves sports historians would be hard pressed to find a better time to be a Hoosier.

So what more do we have to do? Indiana hammers North Carolina and clearly has Kentucky’s John Calipari on the run (BTW John, you’re not fooling anyone, it’s not about capacity of arenas as much as it is your precious undefeated record at Rupp which you clearly understand Indiana will soil forever). Notre Dame runs the table and it still isn’t enough for national pundits to accept that maybe they’re just the best team in College Football. Meanwhile Andrew Luck has done nothing but prove his worth as the number one overall pick by making good decisions, throwing lasers and extending plays with his feet; all this while helping the surprising Colts sprint out to 9 wins.

Still in the national consciousness we remain sod-busting corn pickers who spend weekends ogling our cousins through the flickering television light. In one fell swoop Melissa and Doug has taken nearly 200 years of proud Hoosier tradition and reduced it to what appears to be a Grizzly Bear that’s had the gross misfortune of crossing paths with a Martian shrink ray.

So you bypass the puzzle and tuck a Tonka Truck tuck under your arm, sprinting towards the check-out line like OJ in a Hertz Commercial, leaping shopping carts and shoving pregnant mothers out of the way. And you do so because it’s the most wonderful time of the year and you’re a Hoosier; a gift you can never return. Hoosiers are proud of our deep fried Twinkies and lone Toll Road; even though it’s owned by a foreign country most can’t find on a map.

It will take more than a child’s puzzle and the worst artists’ rendering of a beaver since Grog first took to cave walls to ruin our holidays. For Hoosiers everywhere it’s time to celebrate who we are; and we do so knowing we have Indiana, Notre Dame and the Colts to speak for us. And speak they will.

© 2012 Eric Walker Williams

Luck not the only one exceeding expectations

First appeared on November 29th, 2012
in The Lebanon Reporter

Lightning doesn’t strike twice. Somebody should have told Roy Sullivan that. He became known as “Dooms” after surviving a Guinness Record seven lightning strikes. Texan Joan Ginther wouldn’t subscribe to the adage either considering she’s won the Texas State Lottery four times amassing a fortune in excess of 20 million dollars.

Apparently ‘lightning doesn’t strike twice’ is an old wives tale not unlike ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ or ‘small government’. Given the early success of Quarterback Andrew Luck, perhaps Colts owner Jim Irsay isn’t far removed from both Sullivan and Ginther. With Luck having exceeded expectations in every statistical and non-statistical category known to man, he seems poised to become the second Franchise Quarterback Irsay has managed to draft (insert poorly crafted ‘luck’ analogy here).

Exceeding expectations isn’t confined to Andrew however; this latest installment of the Indianapolis Colts could be categorized in much the same way. Sitting at 7-4 the Colts are flirting with a playoff berth in a season everyone forecast as lost before it even began.

Indianapolis was going to be young which is a black spot in the world of the NFL. They’d be a Manning-less band of timecard punchers buried by the storm surge that so often accompanies rebuilding, floundering their way to four wins with Luck spending more time on his back than feet. But what this team has taught us is simple; things don’t always go according to plan (see Mourdock, Richard and Romney, Mitt).

And while Luck’s play has been ahead of the curve and, dare we say, Manning-esque in some respects, the success of this team does not rest squarely on his shoulders alone. Head Coach Chuck Pagano put all the pieces in place and laid a foundation of belief before departing early to take on the toughest opponent anyone can ever face. In his place Interim Coach Bruce Arians seems to have arrived in a moment he’s spent all these seasons preparing for. It’s completely undeniable Arians’ experience has provided a steady hand in guiding these young Colts.

As strange as it sounds, the youth of this group is a strength. Nary a rock can be thrown in the Colts locker room without hitting a newcomer and their infectious energy shouldn’t be dismissed. After returning a punt for a Touchdown and catching one in the same game, T.Y. Hilton appears to be the return threat Colt fans have been asking for lo these many years. Not to be outdone, the other side of the ball has impacted the Colts season as well considering former Saskatchewan Roughrider linebacker Jerrell Freeman has ridden his way out of the Canadian Football League and up to the fifth spot amongst leading NFL tacklers.

But perhaps one man more than any other has held this ship together through what should have been much rougher seas. Reggie Wayne is quietly having his best season and, while the 12 year vet would be the first to tell you he’s just one of 53, Wayne’s professionalism shouldn’t be underestimated when trying to dissect the success of this group.

So go horse ye Colt fans for this group has given you the ultimate October surprise. At 7-4 they’re positioned for a postseason run. And postseasons that begin with no expectations are the ones that provide the best surprises. The Colts Brass languished over what to do with Manning at the end of last season and, in Dooms Sullivan style, it’s not out of the realm of possibility they’ll soon be languishing over the prospect of facing him in the postseason. After all, who said lightning doesn’t strike twice?

© 2012 Eric Walker Williams