NBA Playoffs have lost Punch

First appeared on April 29th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

It seems that everything about America lately can be summed up in two words: “Too much”. We are the fattest country on the planet which I can only surmise is a result of American’s digesting “too much” fat by actually finishing every French Fry found in their McDonald’s extra value meals. The real name of Lake Webster in Massachusetts contains 45 letters which, it probably goes without saying, would take “too much” effort to type so I won’t. Some say hosting both a radio and television program is “too much” Bill O’Reilly and after watching the first week of the NBA playoffs it is obvious that having a first round of seven games is far “too much” basketball.
I used to love the first round of the NBA playoffs because it was the most cut throat basketball the league produced all year. Before 2003 the first round was played in a best of five format meaning the first team to win three games moved on. The magical thing about the five game series was that it put much more pressure on the higher seeds to perform. There was a smaller margin for error that often produced the closest thing to an “NCAA Tournament Cinderella” the NBA can possibly muster.
Perhaps the greatest glass slipper in NBA history was slipped on in 1994 when a 63 win Seattle team led by Head Coach George Karl was upset by a very young Dikembe Mutombo and the Denver Nuggets. The win marked the first time an 8 seed had ever upset a number 1 and the image of Mutombo lying on the floor after clenching the series with teammates crawling over his 7 foot frame like he was a jungle gym was the high-water mark for both Dikembe’s career and the Nuggets franchise. By the way Mutombo’s real name has 49 letters in it and the thought of remembering how to spell it is of course “too much”.
The official line from the NBA on extending their first round match-ups to seven games in 2003 was something like it gave the “best teams” a better chance at moving on. It bears mentioning however that it also gives teams a chance at hosting two more games which means cashing in on ticket sales, beer sales, hot dog sales and merchandise sales two more times. “Too much” if you ask me.
In short the NBA has gone soft; soft as the giant salted pretzels playoff teams now have two more chances at selling. The lesson here is more is sometimes less; or something like that. Whatever the lesson, since switching to the seven game first round series the NBA playoffs have lost some punch. Match ups that look great on paper can become lopsided (see Lakers vs. Jazz) thus producing a less than electric (see Amish) experience for viewers.
While David Stern has worked hard to ensure the best teams get the highest seeds for the playoffs, if he really wants to see the excitement return he needs to put the first round back on a diet. It turns out “change” isn’t always the best thing for everyone as clearly the seven game first round series misses the mark when it comes to excitement.

New Yankee Stadium Out of this World

First appeared on April 22nd, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

For many years I grew up thinking that New York was the capital of the Material World. To me New Yorkers fancied the best of everything and were in fact, when reduced to the least common denominator, nothing more than knuckle dragging apes beating their way through a jungle of concrete and honking horns; all seeking to amass the largest passel of bananas in the band. As I eventually matured however I began to see the folly of my ways and started to understand that New Yorkers are no different than you and me (completely insecure and terrified of house cats). Then they went and built the new Yankee Stadium.
Perhaps you haven’t heard about the new Yankee Stadium. The house that George built to replace the house that Ruth built? The house that cost $1.5 billion for someone to build? In case you can’t get your arms around $1.5 billion that is over three times the total Gross Domestic Product for the Pacific island nation of Kiribati. Compounding things for fans it literally costs more to take a family to one game at the new Yankee Stadium than the average citizen of Zimbabwe earns in an entire year. With 1.5 billion dollars to burn, one would have their choice between building two Lucas Oil Stadium’s or sending two NASA rovers to Mars.
The 1.5 billion dollar price tag is all the more surprising when one considers the original plans called for a budget of $800 million. Of course those who have built a home understand how easy it is for the little things to add up and push you over-budget. A 10 million dollar box of roofing nails here, 250 million dollars worth of wing nuts and electrical wire there.
And just what does $1.5 billion get you these days one might ask? Try higher ticket prices and 6,000 less seats. In building the stadium the Yankees added 450 more suites and doubled the square footage of their on-site retail space; both conveniently arriving in time for the economic down-turn. For those of you looking for a location to host your next banquet or bar mitzvah, you’re in luck too as the stadium has its own conference center. With a grand total of 16, she also boasts more elevators than all the buildings in Boone County combined. If you’re not giggling with awe over this place yet, this Taj Mahal of baseball even has a Hard Rock Café inside it. Need I say more?
But still one must wonder, with everything they changed through building it, what’s with calling it Yankee Stadium again? After spending $1.5 billion you would think the Steinbrenner braintrust could afford to hire someone to come up with a new name. Or why couldn’t they just sell the naming rights like every other money hungry cash cow franchise in professional sports? Apparently the new Yankee Stadium is so top shelf that the opportunity to call it “Microsoft Field” was even too rich for Bill Gates’ blood. In fact, after Gates paid for box seats to a game in the new Yankee Stadium he’d probably need his checkbook to buy a hot dog and foam finger. So the next time I get the impression a New Yorker is staring down their nose at me it will be easier to understand why. It’s not about some silly cultural impasse like the fact that I wear tennis shoes even when it’s not Saturday; it’s more about them being able to build billion dollar sports facilities while we Midwesterners are simply struggling to pay the electric bills in ours.

Masters Doesn't Disappoint

First appeared on April 15th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

I suppose its true all good things must come to an end. So it was, after 72 years and 15,000 episodes, that CBS announced the end of their long-running soap opera Guiding Light. For the historically inclined this means the show began on radio in 1937; making it quite possible President Franklin D. Roosevelt himself listened to that first episode perched in his rocker beside the White House fireplace.
Of course Guiding Light is just one of a myriad of traditions CBS has woven into the fabric of America over the years. And while the network has forced us to part with some (Dick Stockton calling the NBA Finals comes to mind), we were reminded over the weekend of just how special some still are. “A tradition like none other”, the 75th Masters took place at Georgia’s famed Augusta National Golf Club and while everyone from Vegas oddsmakers to the groundskeepers themselves believed Tiger Woods would lay claim to his 5th green jacket before play began, in the end Argentina’s Angel Cabrera won the event in a two hole playoff.
Sunday at Augusta did not disappoint. In fact, it was spectacular. For a time it seemed as if destiny would propel Woods and Phil Mickelson back to the top of the leader board. Playing in the same group, the two men began gathering momentum early in the day as, like a pair of frenzied sharks circling, they gobbled the front side of Augusta National up. As they made the turn, each player was under par with Woods at three and Mickelson a hefty six. For a time both men were in good position to throw on another Green Jacket.
One can only imagine the kind of heart-pumping silence that must have been swarming the clubhouse as the leaders heading into the day were busy lacing their spikes up. Each no doubt making a futile effort at tuning out Jim Nantz’s recount of the charge of Woods and Mickelson. After a double-bogey at the always dangerous par three 12th, Lefty finished with a 67. Woods looked as though nothing would stop him after an eagle at 8 and birdies on three of four holes on the back nine. But ultimately he faded too with bogeys at 17 and 18 (the latter being a hole he bogeyed three out of four times on the tournament).
Cabrera’s ascent to the top was not nearly as dramatic. In the midst of a nightmarish final round that included three bogeys, it seemed as if the Argentine spent most of the day just hanging around; his mannerisms suggesting he had resigned himself to enjoying a round of Sunday golf in lieu of making an actual attempt at winning the tournament. And just when it seemed as though he would sign his card and check his oversized Ping bag on the next flight for Buenos Aires, Kenny Perry missed a par put that would have sent everyone home and Cabrera suddenly found himself in a three way playoff for the title.
After a serendipitous ricochet off a pine tree, Cabrera managed to save par on the first playoff hole before ultimately outlasting Perry to claim his first green jacket and second U.S. major. Hoagy Carmichael once crooned that Georgia was a magical place, and for Angel Cabrera life definitely imitated art on Sunday at Augusta National as, despite nearly everyone’s vision being clouded by a forest of other possible winners, Cabrera’s win came “sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines”. Or perhaps more to the point, “sweet and clear as a seven iron off the pines”.

Murphy Deserves More

First appeared on April 8th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

The Pacers had lost five straight games before, in an apparent last ditch effort to catch the surging Chicago Bulls for the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, they won 4 of their next 7. With all hands on deck (except injured small forward Marquis Daniels) the Pacers are furiously bailing water from the ship that many experts doomed quite some time ago. While some wonder aloud if saving the ship is the right move, out of respect for Commissioner David Stern and the integrity of professional basketball itself (note this as the first and last time the words integrity and professional basketball will most likely ever appear in the same sentence), the Pacers are there with buckets in hand.
But alas amidst injury rashes, intimations of a bankruptcy forced relocation and the bulging shadow of Jamaal Tinsley’s future one man has stood tall for the Pacers all season. Of course I’m referring to Troy Murphy, and by “stood tall” I don’t mean because he’s 6-11- rather his play from opening night until the present has risen above the rest. While Danny Granger has blossomed into an All-Star and looks to be the closest thing the Pacers have had to a franchise player in quite some time he has also missed several games to injury which makes Murphy the unquestioned most valuable player for the Pacers this year.
On the season Murph is averaging 14 points and a career high 12 rebounds. He is also shooting an impressive 44% from 3 point range (also a career best mark). His play to this point has him ranked third in the league amongst rebounders and seventh overall in three point efficiency. Murphy has notched an impressive 47 double doubles on the season and has twice snagged over 20 rebounds in a single game. It can be said with a comfortable level of certainty that no man has shown more dedication to cleaning the glass than Troy has shown this year, except perhaps Dennis Rodman or Alice from the Brady Bunch.
Couple this rebounding prowess with his affinity for dialing from long distance and it’s as if Murphy has morphed into a modern day version of former Detroit Piston Bill Laimbeer. The two share more in common than just being one time Notre Dame stand outs, of course the one large and obvious difference between them is that there isn’t a never-ending queue of players lined up on a nightly basis ready for their chance to take Murphy’s head off. For those of you banging your own heads against the table in an effort to shake out thoughts of the “Bad Boys” and their ugly brand of basketball, the comparison with Laimbeer isn’t all that bad. After all, despite being one of the most hated men to ever step foot on the hardwood in the NBA, Bill is also one of the few to have scored 10,000 points and corral 10,000 rebounds.
So as the Pacer’s ship lists helplessly in the water ready to surrender for another season, Murphy’s lanky 245 pound frame is there bailing furiously with the rest of his teammates. And when the water crests his crooked nose and it becomes vividly apparent that it’s time for anything (golfing, fishing, crocheting, mountain climbing, wingsuit flying) besides playoff basketball Murphy should be recognized for his outstanding season. This recognition should come in the form of his being named team MVP. Though I’m not well versed in the official Pacer protocol for bestowing that award upon someone, this doesn’t mean it still shouldn’t happen; let the coronation commence.

Purdue Ladies a Quiet Dynasty

First appeared on April 1st, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Unbeknownst to many, despite a 12 point loss to the UCONN Huskies, Purdue actually advanced to the Elite 8 over the weekend. Of course, in this case, we are speaking of the Lady Boilermakers who are busy commemorating the 10 year anniversary of their 1999 National Championship by making some noise in the Women’s Tournament. In dispatching of Rutgers 67-61 Sunday evening Sharon Versyp’s team advanced to the program’s 8th Elite Eight appearance. Overall, Purdue’s women have made 16 straight NCAA tournaments which is a streak that ranks them 4th nationally.
When March arrives if there is anything Hoosiers crave, other than more cowbell, it’s having a team to cheer on in the NCAA Tournament. On the whole, this year’s NCAA Women’s Tournament saw more in-state teams making appearances than did the men’s. Purdue came in as a 6 seed while the Notre Dame Lady Irish earned a 7. Ball State and Evansville also made the tournament as 12 and 15 seeds respectively.
Of course Ball State made some history of their own with a first round win some are calling “the largest upset in NCAA Tournament history”, the Lady Cardinals handed Pat Summit’s Tennessee Lady Volunteers that program’s first ever first round loss in NCAA Tournament play. To put this into perspective one must imagine a 16 seed upsetting a number 1, that’s how huge Ball State’s win was. If that doesn’t clear it up for you picture the windshield and the bug analogy, only in Ball State’s case the bug broke the windshield.
After suffering a trio of first round losses, Purdue was the only in-state team left standing in the women’s tournament at press time. With 25 wins on the season, the Boilers are in the midst of a great year. They are led in scoring and rebounding by Lindsay Wisdom Hylton while Attica’s Brittany Rayburn is third on the team in scoring while Jodi Howell (another Indiana product) poses a long range threat for defenses. With only four in-state players on the bench, Purdue’s roster is a hodge-podge of recruits from all over the U.S. and the world. In fact there are two Lady Boilers who hail from foreign countries in Spain and Russia, three if you count the girl from Arkansas.
In order to make the Final Four, which is in St. Louis by the way, the Lady Boilers will have to get by Oklahoma and their powerful center Courtney Paris. Paris set an NCAA record with 112 straight double doubles and averaged 16 points and 14 rebounds on the season. While I’m busy tooting her horn for her, Paris also holds 140 NCAA records (and after seeing her play I’m pretty certain one of those records is for elbows thrown).
Versyp’s team is comprised of a cast of characters who share the ball and compliment each other well, but it remains to be seen if they’ll have what it takes to get by the closest thing to Shaquille O’Neal you’re ever going to find in women’s college basketball (my apologies to Rebecca Lobo). Of course you know the outcome of this game now and I don’t, which is one of the quaint aspects of the printed paper; that along with Frank and Ernest, free inserts and black fingers of course. So here’s to hoping the Lady Boilers were able to survive Courtney Paris and both her elbows to make it to the Final Four. If not, consider this a celebration of their outstanding season.

Sweet Performance for Boiler Men

First appeared on March 25th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

By simply looking at Saturday’s box score one would have thought the Washington Huskies had made the Sweet 16 and not Purdue. Considering the Boilers were outrebounded, committed more turnovers and shot a worse percentage from the field, conventional wisdom would say they should have lost. The difference came down to those little things that don’t get charted on the average stat sheet. Sure the Boilers had 7 blocked shots, including two late that helped seal the win, but it was loose balls and players on the floor that proved to be the difference. It could be argued that a resurfaced affinity for making these types of plays is the largest reason for the Boiler’s recent resurgence.
Fortunately for Purdue fans, Washington’s mammoth center Jon Brockman waited until the last two minutes before he finally began pounding the glass. In scoring put back after put back, Brockman made the Boiler bigs look more like a team of third graders fighting for rebounds against one of the East German Women’s Olympic teams of the mid 70’s. But just when it seemed the Huskies had a chance late, Chris Kramer was there to snatch up a loose ball that seemed destined for Brockman’s hands, thus helping Purdue hold off the surging Huskies; another game-changing play that didn’t make the box score.
When you look at their season from the early disaster that was Duke to the ugly loss on senior night (both in Mackey), Purdue’s evolution has been dramatic. During the Big Ten season the only consistency the Boilers showed was Head Coach Matt Painter’s propensity for toweling excess hair gel from his hands after time outs. In fact the Boilers stumbled into the Big Ten tournament losing three of four. Then something happened in Indianapolis that changed the direction of this team for good. They started playing defense again. Suddenly the Boilers became recognizable once more. Five guys defending as a unit, help side rotations were timely again and the bodies we became so used to seeing flying everywhere as one charge after another was racked up were once again flying everywhere.
By scrapping defensively and pressuring the ball relentlessly, Purdue suddenly found themselves in the spot so many expected; competing for a Big Ten title. After the Boilers defeated Ohio State in the Big Ten final, the NCAA’s backhanded compliment was a 5 seed. This was understandable, given how they finished the year, but the way Purdue has cut the rug in the Big Dance so far has proved those who argued the Boilers were a 4 seed or higher weren’t speaking out of turn.
Saturday’s crew officiated a tight game; something that could have hurt Purdue ultimately had Washington not wanted to play just as tough and physical. In the end the Boilers held on and now find themselves in the Sweet Sixteen; a locale the program has visited only 6 times since 1983.
Boiler fans may have cheered loudly Saturday night, but there is a quiet, unspoken anxiety many harbor when it comes to March Madness. Considering they’ve never won one, you have to go deep into the depths of the actual boiler room of Mackey Arena to find anyone who will even mention the words national title. And, with all due respect to the family of Ward “Piggy” Lambert, 1932 does not count. Thursday Jim Calhoun and UCONN will decide if this is the year the maintenance staff at Mackey actually has to blow the dust off their “Idiot’s Guide to Hanging Championship Banners” or if it will simply be another season of what could have been.

NCAA Mascots Get no Respect

First appeared on March 18th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Basketball Mardi Gras is upon us once more and, with so much failure in our rearview mirror, we’ve decided to approach this whole choosing teams for our NCAA brackets a bit differently. This year instead of focusing on seeding we considered only mascots. After all, the mascot is, perhaps, the most underestimated and overlooked factor in modern bracketology.
Forget strength of schedule and power rankings, the selection committee dropped the ball by ignoring mascots. Looking at mascot matchups posed complex questions like what would happen if a Lumberjack really had to fight an Orangeman? Would this even be fair since one is armed with an axe and the other is simply an anthropomorphic version of a popular breakfast fruit? Perhaps even more interesting is the match up pitting Cal Northridge and Memphis; seriously- what if a Matador actually stepped into the ring to fight a Tiger? Now that would be some real March Madness (note to PETA this is merely a frivolous column and not meant to be an open invitation for teenagers to stage a man v. Tiger fight for You Tube). And of course, since Owls are nocturnal, will Temple not be at a distinct disadvantage when facing the Sun Devils of Arizona State?
While it must be said we have never before given such consideration to the mascot before, this year’s field is as diverse and unique as we’ve ever seen. Thirty-five schools pay tribute to some type of flora or fauna (bear in mind we were unable to confirm what a Flyer, Ute, Highlander or Zip was). Out of these, three pay homage to bears and one to bearcats. Overall cats seemed a popular choice considering there are nine schools with mascots of the feline genus in the tournament; though interestingly enough none chose to go the domesticated house cat route when choosing their standard bearer.
With Devils of both the Blue and Sun persuasions in the field evidently religion is a popular choice this year as well. Of course in a futile effort to counterbalance things the committee saw fit to give some Deacons a dance (probably not the best choice of words we know) card as well, though it should be noted they are named the “Demon Deacons” as an aged frail man in a frock alone is apparently not enough to strike fear in the hearts of opponents. Texas A&M and Utah State are both represented by the Aggie, which we were always under the impression was something belonging to the goat or sheep family, but apparently is instead simply a student enrolled in an agricultural school; which of course is not nearly as intimidating or interesting.
So as we worked our way through the bracket we found the Cardinals cracked the Buckeyes open only to be inhaled by the Wildcats in helpless fashion a round later. History repeated itself as the Spartans defeated the Trojans once more while the Fighting Illini were finally able to push back those land stealing Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky. Our Sweet Sixteen is comprised of ten schools with cat mascots (proving “King of the Jungle” still carries some weight) but, in the end, we decided nobody stands a chance against the North Dakota State Bison (after all could anybody really stop a stampeding herd of these guys?).
What all this means of course is absolutely nothing. The smart money rests not on seeds, RPI or mascots, but rather upon choosing whatever schools you want anyway. The best part is no matter how bad our brackets look we still have wall to wall basketball to look forward to!

Here Lies Single Class Basketball

First appeared on March 11th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Here lies Single Class Basketball. From 1910 to 1997, hers was a truly glorious life indeed. For 87 years she thrilled Hoosiers of all ages. During her reign myths were born, champions crowned and legends created. Regrettably she has been gone for 12 years now but taking time to remember her life brings back a flood of memories.
In attending a very small (graduating class of 69 kids) rural Indiana high school, class basketball was a mountain we as young players dreamed of climbing. Our sectional was held every year in Logansport’s famed Berry Bowl. After playing an entire season in cracker box gyms being watched by friends and family only, sectionals were our one chance to shine on the big stage. More than the starting point of the state tournament, sectionals were a social event. Parents, students, teachers, former players and former students all gathered to not only catch up with events from the year that had passed, but with eager interest in seeing their teams compete as well.
As Pioneer Panthers we entered sectionals every year with only one goal. Ours weren’t dreams of regional play, we simply wanted a chance to play Logansport. Over time that 1A versus 4A match up had morphed into the epitome of David versus Goliath (imagine Hickory and Muncie Central, only for real). Rare indeed was the Pioneer victory and the accounts of those Panther teams that had the mettle to stick with Logansport during sectional play were embedded in us as we grew up. And for us, as young Panthers, those teams and those players became heroes whose stories were nothing short of legendary.
The energy in the Berry Bowl during one of those games was completely indescribable. Fans from schools that had been eliminated would often stay in large numbers just to cheer the Panthers on and anytime Pioneer had Logansport on the ropes there was a palpable tension that swept over everyone in the stands. For one night only Caston Comets, Peru Tigers and Lewis Cass Kings stood in unison sharing the common vision of seeing Logansport fall. This was the original March Madness.
You lived and died with every bounce of the ball, every shot at the rim and every blow of the whistle. Most people regard children as carefree but I can remember having shortness of breath and sweaty palms as a kid watching my brothers battling the dreaded Berries; and yes when it was clear we would come up short again I remember crying as the Panthers left the floor. This is what single class basketball was and now it’s gone.
The teams and players who won state during single class basketball were simply the best and larger than life as a result. It’s no exaggeration to say they were Rock Stars to younger players. Damon Bailey, Glenn Robinson, the Marion Giants and Muncie Central- everyone from West Lebanon to Richmond and Valparaiso to Rising Sun knew who these guys were. Today that is all gone. When you crown 4 State Champions every year it’s just too easy to get lost in the mix.
Take it from someone who has seen both single class and class tournaments, there is absolutely no comparison. So as we lay a carefully arranged wreath of roses and sweat-stained gym socks upon the grave of single class basketball, it is with a heavy heart that we accept the fact that class basketball is all we have to look forward to from now on. As BB King once so nostalgicaly crooned, for Indiana high school basketball the “thrill” most definitely is gone.