How Soccer finally gained its U.S. citizenship

First appeared on June 24, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

So the U.S. had Portugal on the ropes only to come up short. I say ‘short’ as a fan of the three big North American sports where to end in a tie remains a largely foreign concept (all apologies to the occasional NFL game and hockey, who will forever remain one rung above Disney on ice).
For those American’s still easing their way into the water, soccer can seem unnecessarily complicated. Red cards, yellow cards and a vaguely accurate extended period of play known as stoppage time all serve to muddy their understanding of the game.

Not to mention the fact the United States couldn’t dominate Portugal in the way the U.S. should dominate Portugal in absolutely everything known to man. Lowly Portugal, who’ve given what to the world in the last 200 years? The list is predictably short and is highlighted by cork production and the invention of the pre-paid mobile phone card. Certainly not on the same level as the car, airplane, computer or "Jersey Shore".

Still the World Cup finally appears to be making inroads in the United States. Part of this movement lies in the unique way the tournament brings so many together. It is the great unifier. Be it a local bar, gathering at ones house or public viewing party, when it comes to the World Cup at least, everyone finds themselves on the same team; save the stray exchange student or vociferous ex-pat snarking at those knuckle-dragging Americans only now waking to the allure of the draw.

For the longest time Americans couldn’t wrap their bulbous heads around the fact half the world is actually watching this thing, preferring instead to pretend half the world is far too busy marveling at the innovation and sophistication of Americans to ever have enough free time to watch sports on television.

Many Americans are beginning to see the World Cup for what it is however. The pageantry of the SuperBowl and nationalism of the Olympics combined with the kind of over-the-top acting generally reserved for a poorly directed production of community theatre. The real question begs however, as far as the U.S. sports consumer is concerned, has soccer finally arrived?

From the inception of the MLS down to the Indy Eleven, a burgeoning nationwide youth system and the fact the tiny 1A school I attended many moons ago, one where football has long been king, has finally formed a soccer club, all signs point to yes.

Considering socialized medicine, the death of imperialism and the rise of soccer, it would seem we as Americans have a history of arriving late to the all the best parties. With a national hysteria over the ending of the match with Portugal and the fevered anticipation of a faceoff with Germany that could propel us out of the vaunted Group of Death, soccer suddenly finds itself part of the national lexicon.

So it would appear the time has come to elbow Germany and England aside and assume our place at the trough. On the surface it’s a match made in heaven, for Bernie Madoff and those in the FIFA front office should hit it off smashingly.

So for all those years spent largely ignoring the World Cup. All those who gawked in bewilderment at Euro League jerseys tootling about the malls and theme parks of America. All the backyard fortune tellers espousing so passionately how “It’s catching on” or “One of these days it’ll be huge”. Mark this date on your calendars sports fans for, as far as American culture is concerned, it would seem soccer has finally arrived.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Jordan vs. James? Far Too Early For That

First appeared on June 12, 2014 in
The Lebanon Reporter

While San Antonio surges towards the fifth Title of the Gregg Popovich era, the talking heads are at it again. Creating news amidst a Finals devoid of sexy storylines. As the Spurs clinic on team basketball continues chugging towards the land of Larry O’Brien, the media yawns, rubs its eyes and turns its focus towards LeBron’s place in history. Is it time to say he’s better than Jordan?

The real problem is San Antonio. Their stars seem to enjoy playing together, their star in waiting appears to relish his role in the shadows and their head coach is about as quotable as Michelangelo’s David. Rare have we seen a blander shade of vanilla in Professional Basketball.

But the noise, oh the noise, noise, noise! Lebron James can’t fight through cramps. He’s the softest 6’8-280 the sports world has ever seen. Wait a minute, Miami won? LeBron is the best player in the world! Better dare we say than the man himself? Is LeBron James better than Michael Jordan? It’s a tantalizing debate indeed, and one those born in the 1980’s or after need to see their way out of immediately. To fully appreciate what Michael Jordan accomplished you had to be doing something other than filling your drawers and living bottle to bottle in the 80’s (insert poorly crafted Gary Busey joke here).

Secondly, all those closeted Bulls fans from the 90’s need to stand down as well. Those who were once so rabid and widespread, but have somehow largely disappeared, or simply grown too round to fit into their jackets, hats and jerseys anymore. The only people qualified to weigh in on this topic are truly objective basketball fans, or those who grew up despising Jordan, embraced an “NBA Small Market Conspiracy Theory” when the Lakers defeated the Pacers in the Finals and eventually found a gig as a Part-Time-Pretend-Sports Columnist.

Now that we have our panelist, let’s continue. As of this exact moment, Michael Jordan is the best basketball player this universe has ever seen (and yes, that includes the planet Lovetron). Perseverance is the first characteristic that sets MJ apart from LeBron. On his way to six titles, Jordan’s Bulls lost their first three playoff series before experiencing three straight season ending losses to the Pistons (once in the Conference Semis and twice in the Conference Finals).

Enter Exhibit A. Michael Jordan didn’t sulk his way into free agency. He didn’t shudder and quit in the face of elimination and he didn’t recruit other superstars to help him get to the top. Jordan went back to work and became a stronger player, helping the Bulls defeat the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals the next season. This is perseverance and it’s a characteristic that separates Michael from LeBron. Advantage Jordan.

Exhibit B would be the Hall of Fame. When it’s all said and done, James will have played with no less than three Hall of Fame players (four if and when Chris Anderson is voted into the Street Performer and Carnival Worker Hall of Fame). Jordan’s six title teams fell well short of including four Hall of Fame players. Advantage Jordan.

Exhibit C would be Titles. Jordan has six, James two. Advantage Jordan. This is largely why expert witness Mark Jackson was careful to call James the “best small forward of all time” and not the “greatest of all time”. This is also why Jordan has no reaction when people call James the greatest. MJ knows facts are facts and right now the facts clearly show LeBron james, while amazing and seemingly inhuman, must bolster his resume to eclipse Jordan.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams