For Sale: Everything College Football

First appeared on December 23rd, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

It’s that time of year again. Time to fight crowds like a salmon gone to spawn. Time to locate overpriced gifts before elbowing to the front of the line, knocking down some old lady who’s brandished her checkbook to pay for a single spindle of ribbon. Time to drive two hours in holiday traffic just to sit in a crowded house wearing a turtleneck you had no role in choosing but which makes you so hot you sweat harder than a hog going to sale.


But beyond the crowds and shoppers elbows, far worse than the $5.00 check writer or holiday traffic is the fact that Bowl season is once again upon us. “The most wonderful time of the year” ESPN would have us believe. Words obviously chosen to appease Capital One for having the (insert word of your choosing here) to sponsor the ENTIRE bowl season.

Bowl season, like Christmas, means something different to everyone. To me the majority of Bowl season needs to be jettisoned off like space trash. At its core bowl season is simply a never ending string of mediocre teams playing in overhyped games found in destinations that wouldn’t even be desirable in July, let alone wintertime (all apologies to my relatives in Detroit).

The NCAA says the mission behind college football is to provide youth with the “…motivation to pursue higher education”. Ah yes a fine goal indeed, however apparently in order to accomplish this one requirement is to tap an unlimited spigot of cash first.

Enter the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl and the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl. I know what you’re thinking, these aren’t exactly names that roll off the tongue in the way the Advocare V100 Independence Bowl does. The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl earns the award for longest name of the season (sorry Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl) while the Texas Bowl simply proves once again that, if the state can afford to sponsor a bowl in these economic times, nothing truly is bigger than Texas.

The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl and the Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl are proof that somewhere, closeted up and rarely exposed, the NCAA does have some semblance of a conscience. Forgetting the idea of having any conscience whatsoever for a moment, the Godaddy.com Bowl should definitely have the best halftime show while the New Era Pinstripe Bowl will only interest me if the Italian Mafia will be attempting to “whack” the New York Yankees.

If you actually believe College football is about opportunities at higher education, then you probably still believe Santa Claus is real or that anybody in Washington actually cares about you and I. College football, like Washington ironically, is about money. And it’s not just ‘about money’ it’s blatantly about money.

In fact College football is so much about money they should play with green footballs, wear dollar signs on their helmets and install ATM’s in the end zones. Instead of T-shirts, male cheerleaders should shoot Tony Soprano-sized wads of cash into the stands and Cheerleaders should wave pom-poms made of shredded thousand dollar bills.

College football is so much about selling an experience to the highest bidder that it’s disgusting. If all they want is to sell something why don’t they do the respectable thing and run an ad in the Auto Trader or park it in their front yard like everyone else? This being said, I’ll be watching. After all, what’s the alternative? Dominating my 7 year old nephew in Trivial Pursuit for the third straight year or watching home movies of somebody’s trip to Poland?

Bermuda Triangle popular December destination

First appeared on December 15th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

In 20th Century Fox’s soon to be released movie “Gulliver’s Travels”, Jack Black plays a travel writer who stumbles into the Bermuda Triangle. As you can probably surmise, once there life as he knows it changes dramatically.


For almost a decade life as fans of the Indianapolis Colts have known it has included twelve win seasons and a string of playoff appearances. And as the 2010-11 season began there was no reason to believe things would be changing anytime soon.

Enter the Bermuda Triangle. Or, perhaps more accurately, this is the point at which the Colts entered the Bermuda Triangle. Either way, looking up at Jacksonville in the AFC South with a 7-6 record, it’s safe to say these are uncharted waters for this current group of Indianapolis Colts.

The lexicon of the average Colt fan includes oft-used terms like undefeated, home field advantage, record setting and MVP season; but what is this “must win game”? Fundamentally the concept of having to win any one particular game is foreign to the Manning era Colts.

And before you go all “there’s no bigger must win than a Super Bowl!” on me, let me stop you. A must win game the Super Bowl is not. The Super Bowl is confirmation of one’s prowess, the culmination of a long season of hard work. Super Bowls’ don’t smack of desperation in the way must win games do.

Must win is a term that haunts the dreams of mediocre teams and lame-duck coaches. Teams who face a must win have, at some point, generally bungled all other opportunities at success. Must win games conjure images of teams who fell short of their promise.

The idea of the Colts ever playing a must win game was previously unheard of. About as unlikely as Obama’s approval numbers ever reaching Bush the Second level or Hollywood remaking a movie that wasn’t all that good to begin with; like say “Tron” for example. This is the part of the season where the Colts are supposed to blow the season by sitting their starters, not by actually losing a game.

For years we’ve raved over the way Manning’s “laser, rocket-arm” and Bill Polian’s eye for talent have enabled this team to win more games than the experts forecasted. Now, as the franchise drifts into the unknown abyss that is the mythical vortex of sub-reality known as the Bermuda Triangle, some are questioning Manning’s decisions and suddenly there’s a “Help Wanted” sign in the window of the Colts front office.

And as so many pronounce the Patriots and trumpet the Chargers as the Darth Vader to the Colts’ Luke Skywalker, here comes a match up with the one team that has been the proverbial thorn in the side of Indianapolis for many years now.

If there’s one team the Colts should fear in the AFC South it’s this week’s opponent. If someone can line up and pound the ball down their throat it’s the Jaguars. If anybody can hog the clock and keep Manning on the sideline it’s Jacksonville. Sunday the Jaguars can drive the first in a rapid succession of nails effectively burying the Colts’ season.

During his trip through the Bermuda Triangle, Jack Black discovers an air of invincibility after battling a navy comprised of sailors who are less than 6 inches tall. The Colts would do well to relocate the air of invincibility they once wore like a badge of honor. The trouble for Indy is that Jacksonville will likely put up a bit more resistance than any tiny navy lobbing pea sized cannonballs ever could.

Even Peyton has to be wondering: Who are these guys?

First appeared on November 18th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

The secret is out. Producer Mark Burnett has chosen a destination for the new season of his hit series Survivor and the filming is already underway. And, despite generally being cloaked in secrecy, details are leaking out as diehard fans eagerly await the debut of “Survivor: Indianapolis”.


Word has it fan favorite Bob Sanders was the first voted off the island. And while this was undoubtedly a big power play, it’s really no surprise considering Vegas had him as a favorite not to finish the season anyway.

Such is the 2010-11 campaign for the Indianapolis Colts. We have watched with bewilderment as every week someone new limps to the bench after being “voted off the island”. And despite a rash, wait check that, despite being ravaged by injuries the Colts have somehow managed to stay together while staying competitive (See Dallas Cowboys). Save a moment Sunday when Jim Caldwell was scrambling for his “Idiot’s Guide to Covering Onsides Kicks”.

NFL teams carry a 53 man roster and of that 53 Indianapolis had 14 listed on the injury report before Sunday’s game with Cincinnati; 12 others are on injured reserve. And the names read as a “Who’s Who” of the Colt’s franchise.

Which begs the question: who are these new guys making all the plays? A quick rundown shows they understand winning.

Tight End Jacob Tamme gets an A for his Dallas Clark impersonation but an F for his “Earl Hickey in a football helmet” facial hair. After winning four straight Kentucky State Titles in high school, Tamme went on to become a two time First Team All SEC selection at UK.

Originally an undrafted free agent, former Brigham Young Safety Aaron Francisco’s name should sound familiar. A “boomerang guy”, Francisco’s been released and asked back by multiple NFL teams during his 6 years in the league. He was part of Indy’s playoff run last year recording 2 Special Team tackles in the Super Bowl. He’s also spent time with three other NFL teams including a playoff berth with Arizona.

Wide Receiver Brandon James is also an undrafted rookie who, like Tamme, won a championship in high school before choosing to stay in state to play at Florida. At Gainesville he was a 4 year letter winner who set 4 SEC and 11 Florida records for kick returns and was named the SEC Special Teams Player of the Year as a junior.

Another undrafted rookie, Javaris James attended the University of Miami after rushing for over 4,500 yards in high school. Before finding his way to Indianapolis he spent time on practice squads in both New England and Washington.

Unbelievable as it is to say, Blair White is yet another undrafted rookie who’s helping the Colts. After walking on at Michigan State, White became a four year- All Academic Big Ten selection. He was a First Team All Conference receiver his senior year before signing with the Colts as a practice player in September.

Things could be much worse of course. Manning could be hurt or the Colts could have signed Randy Moss. And with the season’s most difficult reward challenge ahead in Foxborough, the Colts have to play the hand their dealt for there is no merge with the ’76 Steelers coming anytime soon.

So here’s to hoping someone like Wayne, Mathis or Freeney stumble across the hidden immunity idol or Eighteen doesn’t find Jeff Probst asking for his torch. For, as long as he’s under center, the Colts should always have a chance no matter who’s lined up at wide receiver (and, yes that includes Rupert and Parvarti).

Merry Christmas Hoosier Fans

First appeared on November 30th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Merry Christmas and Feliz Navidad Hoosier fans. Here’s to a good Kwanzaa and a Happy Festivus too. The time has come to celebrate so bust out the fruitcake and a plate of Buneulos. Tell the kids to fill the Unity cup and put up the old aluminum pole.


November 2010 will go down as a turning point for the Indiana University men’s basketball program. For not only have their fortunes changed, but the last month has confirmed what so many Hoosier fans were beginning to doubt. As far as rebuilding what once was one of the nation’s top programs is concerned, Tom Crean is the right man.

In signing Washington’s Cody Zeller and getting a verbal commitment from Park Tudor’s Yogi Ferrell, Crean has amassed a group of recruits that will serve as a steroid shot to the arm of his program. And not just your run of the mill “I’m a 150 pound shortstop who wants to slam 40 homers “steroid shot either. Rather we’re talking the kind of steroid shot that would have had Barry Bonds slamming balls not just over McCovey Cove, but across all 5,500 miles of the Pacific Ocean.

A Home Run ball long enough to shatter the window of Kim Jung IL’s palatial Pyongyang palace before ricocheting off his head. A shot hopefully strong enough to do irreparable damage to the tiny pea brain his bulbous, gourd-like skull protects. For hitting a rocket like that, Bonds might even once again regain American Hero status.

If there were any doubt after a 16 and 46 start to his career in Bloomington, this has to be the sign so many were looking for. All his tempered comments, all his hustling around the nation keeping a finger on the pulse of AAU basketball and all his titillating tweets appear to be finally paying off.

In landing Zeller and Ferrell, Crean has not just ensured a competitive future on the court for the Hoosiers, but he has also ensured they will once again be a viable option for the nation’s top talent. Prospective in-state kids will now see Indiana as a desirable place. And, once Zeller and Ferrell are on campus, prospective out of state kids will see many IU games on ESPN.

In landing Zeller and Ferrell, Crean is also one step closer to fulfilling his goal of building a program on local talent. For too long Hoosier fans have watched as the state’s top kids migrated to better locales, but now Crean has taken a major step towards taking the state back.

And while the forecast for the long term looks promising, the short run still promises a mighty hill for Indiana to climb. To this point Crean’s Hoosiers have taken advantage of a lighter than normal preseason schedule to get out to a solid start. But with 5 teams currently ranked in the top 20 nationally (3 in the Top 10), the Big Ten schedule may be one of the most brutal in recent memory.

Which brings us back to Crean. Contrary to popular belief, the measure of a good coach isn’t always wins and losses. A good college coach sells his program to his kids. A good college coach sells his vision to kids. A good college coach can keep a group of young men together in the face of tremendous adversity.

For Crean, he has proven he can sell his program and his vision. His next test is to keep his kids together in the face of a difficult Big Ten schedule. If he can do this, the wins and losses are sure to follow.