Even in the midst of Snowpocalypse, the All Star game looks bad

First appeared on February 17th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Well it turns out Snowpocalypse was the monster they said it would be. Few could have predicted the level of collateral damage we would see in the snowmaker’s wake however. Turns out it grounded thousands of flights, stopped Washington D.C. in its tracks (insert joke here) and even forced some people to do the impossible; yes we’re talking about watching the NBA All Star game.
With interstates closed, airports shut down and milk flying off the shelves of every 7-11 from Chicago to Long Island, there was little reason for people to get out; so the NBA All Star game became the next logical choice (and yes, I can’t believe I just said that either).
Of course Snowpocalypse couldn’t stop everyone as Al Gore was reportedly spotted in Vancouver over the weekend selling An Inconvenient Truth T-shirts out of the trunk of his car.
Seeing the NBA All Star roster tells you immediately everything that’s wrong with the internet. At one time players were chosen by fans who actually ventured outside of their homes and paid good money for terrible seats just to curse out officials while watching their favorite teams. These were people who at least understood one of the main objectives in basketball is to put the orange ball through the round hoop looking thing. Enter the internet. Where anyone with a laptop, internet access and a half hour to kill can literally vote for the worst player in the league 11,000 times.
Alas this is the world NBA Commissioner David Stern has created. Sunday however, Stern was forced to take an uncomfortable backseat to Jerry Jones and his own personal attempt at redefining the old adage “Everything’s bigger in Texas”. Of course we’re talking about Cowboys Stadium.

Over 108,000 fans turned out to watch the East take on the West in Sunday’s 59th NBA All Star game. In case you’re wondering what 108,000 fans at a basketball game looks like, just imagine someone spilling an ant farm into a cereal bowl the size of New Jersey.
108,000 people. That’s like having the entire city of Gary, Indiana attend the same game at the same time; twice. If it weren’t for a scoreboard the size of Swaziland, those sitting in the upper decks of Cowboy’s Stadium Sunday would have had to rely on internet updates just to know who scored. Perhaps most amazing of all is the fact that we can hang a scoreboard larger than a basketball floor but McDonalds can’t make a lid that will stay on their coffee cups.
But back to the game. Reluctant All Star game viewers have grown accustomed to some All Stars being wheeled onto the floor because they’re so old and past their prime. Watching aged, former stars trying to stay up with younger, rising stars is perfect fodder for a Scooter Store commercial. Come to think of it, the game would have been more interesting if they would have been riding scooters. It’s billed as the world’s greatest pick up game, though I’ve seen more competitive and interesting games at recess.
The All Star get-togethers of every major sport are quickly losing their charm. To mixed reviews, baseball and football have both experimented with changing formats. The case to keep the NBA All Star game unchanged is perhaps strongest from those high school and college coaches who secretly pine: “If only there was a way to show players how to make terrible passes, take awful shots and play absolutely no defense”. And if this is what Stern was shooting for Sunday, then 108,000 plus got their money’s worth.

Memo to Colts fans: Its the end of a season as we know it, not the world

First appeared on February 10th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

OK Colt’s fans, so you lost the Super Bowl. So what? Now’s not the time to go all George Bailey on the world, perching yourself on the side of a bridge while hoping for a guardian angel to talk you down. Heck, even if Clarence did show up, with your luck he’d probably be a Saints fan anyway. Its days like these, moments like Sunday night that inspired somebody to quip “These are the times that try sports fans souls” (or something like that).
So you’ve holed up with the shade pulled for three days now and the décor of your home resembles something out of the pages of a “Design by Oscar Madison” catalog. You roll over to greet another day smashing half-eaten sticky buns into your mattress and trying in vain to wash the Go Colts! temporary tattoo from your cheek. Fear not loyal fan for yours is merely a chance lost- not forever gone.
The glass is half full here folks. You still have a superstar quarterback and one of the most talented teams in professional football. This is not the Titanic. Let’s don’t lose sight of the obvious here, even though the Colts have an uncanny way of making things look easy, winning the Super Bowl is one of the hardest things to do in professional sports.
So you felt good after watching that 96 yard touchdown drive in the first quarter, you know the one that tied the longest in Super Bowl history and actually ended just a few moments ago? Then somewhere between that valiant goal line stand and the on-side kick to start the second half, life changed. Uncle Mo took traded his Manning jersey in for some Mardi Gras beads and joined the Who-Dat Nation permanently. If only the Colts would have had Betty White at the bottom of that pile when the on-side kick caught them with their pants down, perhaps then Bill Polian would have a Lombardi trophy for each hand.
Of course, five minutes after the game, the mass media pendulum had returned to the “Manning is great but not the greatest” argument. Despite the fact that he’ll shatter nearly every passing record and win more games than an entire divisions- worth of quarterbacks will win in a lifetime- somehow he still manages to float in and out of fancy amongst the talking heads of the sports world with relative ease.
But as great as Manning is, the Saints were better for one night. For one night they were more prepared, took more chances and played like they belonged there when NOBODY had given them a puncher’s chance. Truth is they have a talented quarterback, underrated defense, self-admitted film junkie for a head coach and play with an enormous chip on their shoulders as a whole.
Perhaps my 2 year old said it best when he called it the “Pooper Bowl”. We laughed at him for 3 quarters and then, strangely enough, found ourselves agreeing with him by the end. Well, Pooper Bowl or not, it’s been 10 years since the Pacers played for a championship, 8 since the Hoosiers had a chance (20 since their last win) and as for Purdue, well perhaps it’s best we just leave them out of this equation entirely. The point here is, win lose or draw- relish the moment. Celebrate the opportunity. After all some good did come of the Colts loss. At least the children of the Marshall Islands will be sporting some really good looking Super Bowl Champion T-Shirts for years to come. Who said this game isn’t global?

Hoosier odds are long, but are they Buster Douglas long?

First appeared on February 3rd, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

February 11th will mark the 20th anniversary of the night James “Buster” Douglas knocked Mike Tyson out to win the Heavyweight Championship of the World. Coming in a 42-1 underdog, Douglas left Tokyo having shocked the sports world and secured a place in boxing eternity.
Some believe the Indiana Hoosiers will face similar odds when the Purdue Boilermakers come to Assembly Hall Thursday night. The Boilers sprinted out to a 14-0 start and, after some part-time hack of a sports columnist cursed them by spotlighting their dominance in his writing, they proceeded to lose three straight. Now, after beating Wisconsin and drumming Penn State, it would seem they have righted the ship. Surely Boiler fans want nothing more (outside of a National Championship) than to hear the drumbeat continue Thursday night in Bloomington.
One could say with some certainty the Hoosier’s season to this point has been quite different. After letting a winnable game at home against Iowa get away, the Hoosiers controlled the second half Saturday at Illinois and played well enough to win, only to be beaten at the buzzer. So they’ve lost their top scorer, dropped an ugly game to Iowa and lost at the buzzer to Illinois. What could be worse? Oh yeah, here comes nationally ranked Purdue. The question in the B-town coffee shops now is how much life can be left in the Hoosiers after they’ve lost so much?
The fervor of this rivalry is well documented (see one side chanting “BOILER UP!” and the other answering in unison, “BANNER UP!” for proof), so truth is this series is so much about emotion that it really doesn’t matter where these two find themselves now.
It’s a time when the proverbial records are actually given the proverbial toss out the proverbial window. A rivalry so volatile we’re used to seeing coaches so heated they resort to throwing things; Knight and his chair. Keady and his jacket. Samson and, well take your pick between his future away or the program under a bus.
In a new era Tom Crean and Matt Painter fit the mold. Both are fiery in a “fire in the belly for winning” kind of way. Certainly not the “lose temporary touch with reality” way we saw after Mike Davis stormed the court in Lexington only to dance around like somebody had tossed a voodoo doll of him into a hot skillet.
So what will happen Thursday? The only certainty in all of this is, at one time, an unknown like Buster Douglas could never have ever beaten Mike Tyson. Tyson was the closest thing to Superman the sports world had ever seen. He had never even been knocked down in a fight before. Of course twenty years later we’ve all heard how that story turned out (well Evander Holifield has heard bits and pieces of it anyway).
Crean said recently his kids need to be tougher. The Hoosiers will have to be physical to survive Purdue’s football on hardwood style, even if Tijan Jobe goes 4/5 from downtown. This game will merely be a progress report for Crean’s crash course on toughness however and not a final exam.
What we see Thursday night could be interesting…or it could be ugly. If it’s analysis you seek, the Hoosiers will be smart to stay aggressive and attack Purdue even when logic says protect the ball in the face of their smothering pressure. Crean’s mantra should be “Take them 10 rounds”; absorb their best shot and outlast them. Thursday night the Indiana Hoosiers could do worse than aspiring to be Buster Douglas for a day.