The truth is you can't handle the truth

First appeared on October 28th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

When Titan’s head coach Jeff Fisher stripped down to his Peyton Manning jersey recently the ensuing fallout reminded us once again that ours is a hypersensitive world. Far too often Americans gorge themselves on a twisted reality of what their lives should be before ultimately gagging on the truth. If there is a lesson to be learned here it is that clearly too many people are incapable of handling the truth (pardon my Jack Nicholson).
Let’s be clear, Fisher’s motivation was not misguided. At 0-6 he may be the captain of a ship that has no hope of staying afloat, but he is still far too intelligent a man to be thumbing his nose at Bud Adams (his boss) and the Titans ownership (his employer) by pulling some corny stunt (wearing a Colts jersey in Tennessee). More than a stunt, the truth for Fisher is that this was the closest he could come to being lighthearted while his world is crumbling down around him. Wearing the jersey and commenting that he “wanted to feel like a winner” both came from a healthy respect for Tony Dungy (the man he was brought in to introduce).
What else was Fisher supposed to do? Is there anything about his season that anybody is going to want to hear when his team is 0-6 and was just creamed the day before by the Patriots 59-0? “Well, despite Brady’s five touchdown passes-I liked our energy in the second quarter.”
At some point we must applaud Fisher’s moxie for donning a Manning jersey as his life and future are being swept up by an F-5 Tornado of rumors. When it comes to athletes and coaches in tight spots we as the general public get bombarded with anything but the truth that we all too often come to expect window dressing. Perhaps this is why so many had a hard time with his so called stunt; they were expecting something they had heard before and when they didn’t get it Fisher was labeled an incompetent nut.
The negative reaction to Fisher’s stunt however is just another example at how hypersensitive our world has become. America as a whole is getting softer by the day. Participation trophies and the “we’re all winners” mentality are driving a stake in the heart of true competition. The world is full of countries making up ground on us daily, some arguably passing us by as you read this. All because there are workers, students and children in far flung parts of the world whose lives are so tough they are naturally hungrier and more driven to succeed.
A few years ago a Little League coach created a national episode by calling on the much used strategy of walking the opposing team’s best hitter to face someone else. Ripples spread nationwide as the “next kid up” in this championship game turned out to be a cancer survivor. Nobody could ever argue cancer is anything but ugly and horrible, but isn’t the fundamental idea behind Little League to help kids discover those things they can and cannot do?
The biggest difference between us and those nations closing the gap on us is the truth. Far too often American’s are busy playing hide and seek with it while the lives of people in other parts of the world are so difficult they must embrace it early on. Chasing dreams is the natural born right of any free person, but at some point we all must face the realization that people pay hard earned money to watch professional athletes with good reason. The sooner this lesson can be learned the better off we’ll all be.

For those not yet confused by college football; please read on

First appeared on October 21st, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Why does the lady at the cash register always ask if my check card is credit or debit? Why does she insist on asking when it can be both? And what is the most acceptable choice? These are the unanswered questions of my life.
Confusion is defined as a state of bewilderment. And no, “the state of bewilderment” is not west of Nevada. Bewilderment is personified by the look the cashier generally receives from me when I am forced to choose between credit or debit.
The Balloon Boy should know something about confusion and bewilderment after throwing the media into a code red tailspin late last week by apparently faking his own runaway homemade helium balloon rescue emergency. If anything he provided a “let’s ride this pony for all it’s worth” moment for the Larry Kings of the world, “Fort Collins, Colorado-Hello!” You say you still don’t think it was a publicity stunt? Perhaps another cup of Kool Aid is what you need most.
Confusion ruled the day Saturday in College Football and, contrary to popular belief it was not BCS induced. Surely the Ohio State Buckeyes were confused. Somebody please say they were under the impression the Purdue Boilermaker team they were facing Saturday was a golden days “Drew Brees attempting something like 1,000 passes in a half” version and not the 1-5 Danny Hope-led team that actually took the field because, despite being a two touchdown favorite, the Buckeyes still found a way to lose. For suffering one of the worst losses in his career on the day the first BCS rankings came out, Senator Tressel deserves a huge Arthur Fonzarelli “thumbs up” from Buckeye Nation.
How confused must fans of Delaware State be? Not only were their heads spinning from a 63-6 defeat at the hands of the Michigan Wolverines, but to make matters worse, like a punch in the gut Hornet fans were forced to suffer two defeats on Saturday after a scheduling conflict saddled them with a loss via forfeit.
Apparently there was confusion Saturday in South Bend as well. Fans were forced to endure the misery of a high spirited affair growing painfully tedious as time and again the officials brought things to a grinding halt with a never-ending series of “Why are they replaying THAT?” replays. In fact one might argue there were more replays in the game than USC band members granted sidelined passes (which is a ridiculous analogy for those who saw the broadcast). There were so many USC band members piled up on the sidelines Saturday it was almost as if the Trojan Horse had eaten some bad Thai food.
But alas confusion in college football is not unlike hormones in a Junior High dance; without them what would we really have? Certainly not the enigmatic six headed monster who feeds on television contracts and little boys who don’t do their homework (yes we’re still talking about college football). College football needs confusion. Confusion is the tonic that drives coaches, motivates players, stimulates the media and tortures fans.
To have a logical system that rewards strength of schedule and culminates with one clear champion would be the death of commentary, second guessing and the almighty “what-if” scenario. And these are the things that keep us all coming back.

Manning or Brady? The steel cage death match to end all steel cage death matches

First appeared on October 14th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Be it the Bundys, Honeymooners or anyone representing the Raiders franchise, even the most legendary of arguers are apt to stumble upon arguments which appear endless. Explosive topics like which came first the chicken or the egg? Or, if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around, does it make a noise? And then there is perhaps the most puzzling of all, who is the best quarterback of their generation, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning?
This is not a topic to tackle lightheartedly (unless you are the Ravens defense attempting to avoid another bogus penalty for sacking Brady of course). Stacking these two titans of sport up requires an appreciation of history, great knowledge of football and the ability to remain impartial. With this in mind, take what you’re about to read for what it’s worth.
At 6’5, Manning is a full inch taller than Brady; point Manning. Manning will play five primetime games this year to Brady’s four; advantage Manning. And before you begin thinking this is simply an attempt at inflating the legend of Peyton Manning like years of horse testosterone abuse inflated a stick thin outfielder whose Hall of Fame career may or may not have begun with the Pirates, Brady’s wife is a Supermodel; point Brady.
Hardware is a popular measure of the professional athlete. With this in mind, Brady has won three Super Bowls giving him two more rings than Manning; point Brady. Manning’s housekeeper has to dust around three league MVP trophies to Brady’s one however; advantage Manning.
Statistics are the measuring stick of choice amongst the mathematically inclined. For his career, Manning has over 20,000 more passing yards than Brady; advantage Manning. As a Colt Manning also has 121 career wins to Brady’s 107; advantage Manning. Though a detailed explanation of how it is calculated is best left for someone in possession of a PHD in statistics, Manning’s Quarterback Rating is 3 points higher than Brady’s; once again advantage Manning.
Many times the measure of a superstar is their imprint on popular culture. If there is anyone out there who hasn’t seen Manning hocking something on television they are most likely living in a thatch roofed hut somewhere in the Marshall Islands trying to dial a signal in with rabbit ears and tin foil. After all, the guy’s face is everywhere (see Gatorade, Sprint, Sony, MasterCard, H.H. Gregg and Direct TV for proof). With so much commercial face time it would appear that we have finally found somebody who could actually sell ice to an Eskimo; advantage Manning.
On paper Manning is clearly the better quarterback and his All Decade team selection is perhaps an early vote of confidence that history will ultimately find him the better player. In the court of public opinion however, Manning constantly finds himself audibilizing wildly (patting his head or flapping his arms while screaming nonsensical verbage) from the backseat with Brady confidently perched behind the wheel.
The thing about fans is they are notorious for only remembering the quarterback who wins the last game of the season as opposed to the one who puts up gaudy numbers for 16 straight weeks. With this in mind Manning needs one more ring to separate himself from Brady, otherwise only a Favre-like failure to recognize the deterioration of his own skills will keep Brady from going down as the best of his era. One more ring should cement Manning’s place as the greatest quarterback of his generation. Note to Jon Gruden: if you’re reading this, stop calling him the sheriff. That nickname’s like a rented tux-it just doesn’t fit!

When will this "Fever" for a title break?

First appeared on October 8th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

As the final buzzer sounded on Game 4 of the WNBA Finals in Conseco Field House Wednesday, two things were clear. The Fever remain one game away from a championship and women’s basketball is not at all what many think it is. There was a time when women’s basketball was stereotyped as being slow paced, low scoring and about as physical as a game of Scrabble (apologies to those families who have come to blows over someone’s attempted play of the word XU); for those of you who have not watched the WNBA lately however, nothing could be further from the truth.
A running team, the Phoenix Mercury get up and down the floor faster than you can google “symptoms of H1N1” after being sneezed on. A total of 236 points were scored in Game 1 of the Finals and, after receiving an inadvertent Fever elbow Thursday night, Mercury forward Penny Taylor is playing with a tooth wired in place by a Hockey dentist. Slow, low scoring and soft, I think not.
The Fever were able to score a split after games 1 and 2 in Phoenix before bringing the Finals to Conseco where they had only lost 3 times previously. Sunday’s Game 3 saw a WNBA Finals record for attendance set but after failing to close the series out Wednesday night Lady Drama will have to once again saddle up and ride west where the Fever will have last chance at donning the glass slipper (no double meaning intended of course).
Despite being the worst shooting team in the league, the Fever are incredibly balanced. Five players are averaging double figures in the playoffs. With a pair of NCAA titles between them, team leaders Tamika Catchings and Katie Douglas are proven winners. As perimeter players with good length, the two have feasted all season on the match up challenges opponents have scrambled to solve. Together this dynamic duo is ripping opponents up in the postseason with Douglas leading the team in scoring and Catchings doing more than her part by averaging a double double.
The Fever also have excellent complimentary players as well. Tammy Sutton Brown provides dependable inside scoring while Arizona State rookie Briann January has proven a bright future awaits by averaging double figures off the bench in the postseason. However, after suddenly becoming the Fever’s leading scorer during the Finals, Ebony Hoffman has to be the biggest surprise of all.
We should probably mention something about the Mercury to maintain our reputation for unbiased commentary (or on the outside chance there is somebody in Arizona who subscribes to this paper). WNBA Champions in 2007, the Mercury are led by Head Coach Corey Gaines who favors a wide open style inspired by Loyola Marymount’s Paul Westhead. You remember Loyola Marymount? The “hurry up and lay it in so we can inbound the ball, make one pass and drill a three pointer” Loyola Marymount? The same Loyola Marymount that could drop 145 points on you without breaking a sweat?
All kidding aside, Games 3 and 4 saw a real energy in Conseco. An energy the Pacers haven’t seen since Ron-Ron went into the stands for some popcorn in Detroit. While Larry Bird bought 9,000 seats and gave them away during the Fever’s Eastern Conference Finals appearance, there has been no need for such gratuitous charity lately. Consecutive capacity crowds, all of whom paid full price, came, cheered and left with the only fever one welcomes in this topsy turvy- I think a co-worker gave me H1N1- sky is falling world we live in; the fever for a title.

It's been 40 years already and has anything really changed?

First appeared on September 30, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Some things happen only once in a lifetime. Things like true love, Haley’s Comet and apparently Indiana winning a football game in Ann Arbor. Yet as Freshman running back Darius Willis was streaking up the sideline during Saturday’s fourth quarter, the crimson red heart of Hoosier nation surged with the belief that history was in the making. 85 yards later Willis scored giving Indiana a lead late in a game they had not won since 1967.
The last time Indiana beat Michigan in Ann Arbor LBJ was president and we hadn’t visited the moon yet. The last time Indiana beat Michigan in Ann Arbor gas was 33 cents a gallon, Super Bowl I had just been played and Charlie Chaplin released his final film.
In the end it was not meant to be as Wolverine Freshman Tate Forcier wrote another chapter in what, early on, looks to be a storybook career. To be clear, Michigan won a game they had no business winning and Indiana lost a game they had no business losing. But ultimately it was a game lost on the national radar for there were far too many upsets Saturday for anyone to spend much time talking about what almost was in Ann Arbor.
Despite this, two things should come about as a result of Saturday’s outcome. For Michigan, one can only assume the insane “Wolverine National Championship” talk we heard after they found a way to beat Notre Dame three weeks ago is gone, surely. For Indiana more may come from losing this game than one might expect. Televised on ESPN 2, the game reached far more households than ESPN U or the Big Ten Network combined. This being said, Indiana having such a dramatic performance on a stage as glamorous as the Big House on such a network as ESPN 2 will go further in recruiting than any 3-0 start against two MAC teams and Eastern Kentucky ever could.
Was it one game? Yes. Do we know what kind of team Bill Lynch really has on his hands? No. Will we find out next week when they play Ohio State? Most likely. But forget wins for the moment, IU needs more performances like this to both energize their fan base and attract recruits. Would it have gone further to win Saturday? Obviously. Does it go further losing by three than the 65-0 we’ve so painfully grown accustomed to? I’m not going to dignify that with a response.
For one bright Saturday afternoon Indiana’s football program caught lightning in a bottle. They came in a program ranked as one of the worst in the conference by the experts and, except for two plays in the first half defensively, they never once looked like they didn’t belong on the field with Michigan. A game that historically resembles a boxer working the heavy bag turned out to be every bit Ali v. Frazier, Tyson v. Holyfield or Nancy Pelosi v. anyone with a pulse. Does the game get Lynch a ticket out of the leaking lifeboat he and Charlie Weis appear to be trying to keep afloat? Not quite yet. And now, as far as plugging the leak goes, the boys are going to have to get real creative after Weis needed a fourth quarter drive to beat Purdue and Lynch threw their best hope (chewing gum) out of his mouth in disgust on Saturday. Strange as it may sound however, the loss to Michigan does get Lynch one step closer to his goal of building a program and, oh yeah- keeping his job at the same time.