When it comes to a rivlary, there are few guarantees

First appeared on February 23rd, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

In 1928 Republicans guaranteed a vote for Herbert Hoover would result in a “chicken in every pot and a car in every garage”. Shortly after Hoover won, the Stock Market crashed and our forefathers learned the hard way just how fickle guarantees can be.


Since the dawn of time, or at least the first time Grog chiseled a wheel from stone and uttered the phrase “satisfaction guaranteed” while swapping it for a Mastodon tusk, money back guarantees have lured us to fill up our closets, basements and attics with more of the things we can’t live without and don’t really need.

More to the point, as brazen and brash people by nature, Americans are smitten with the audacity that accompanies a good guarantee. John Kennedy famously guaranteed we would put a man on the moon and, for those of us who don’t subscribe to the “Hollywood basement” theory purported by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, most Americans are proud of the fact we did. Of course not all guarantees have rang true however. John Lennon once guaranteed the Bealtes would be “bigger than Jesus”, which is obviously debatable depending on how one wishes to spend eternity.

We love guarantees for being both the spice of life and the death knell of another’s relevance. They bring color to an oftentimes drab existence and yet ours remains a world full of the cynical.

A place where a good guarantee is often mocked before it’s had time to spread its young wings.

A good part-time pretend sports writer, one truly worth his salt, believes fully in what he puts down on the page. That, and the fact there’s so little else going on right now, is why I’m here to say there is no doubt, sure as tomorrow will see the sun rise and John Boehner crying about something, I guarantee IU will beat Purdue Wednesday night.

Who in their right mind would say such a thing? Someone with no inside information or statistical basis for doing so that’s who. Just a man, his pride and a hunch. And for those who need to rationalize every aspect of life, in short IU has nothing left to play for. An NIT bid seems out of the question and wins over Ohio State and Wisconsin carry longer odds. The only thing left to do now is upset Purdue Wednesday night; which they will do.

This is it. If Tom Crean’s crew wants anything to hang their hat on this year, anything to satisfy the sellout crowds who’ve found their way back to Assembly Hall, they have to beat Purdue. E’Twuan Moore and JaJuan Johnson have tormented Hoosier fans for four long years. A win over this duo in their final Assembly Hall appearance, not to mention beating Purdue (a national power and their arch-rival) would salvage something memorable from this season; heck- something memorable from Crean’s first three years.

One could argue this is the biggest game of the Tom Crean era and, while the natives are not openly restless, losing your last eight games, bowing out early from the Big Ten Tournament and then failing to make the NIT likely won’t be a popular way to end the season.

Beating Illinois and Minnesota at home were both nice moments, but they’re so far in the rearview mirror fans need something to maintain their interest until next season. And while it’s not full blown desperation, rumblings of discontent are surfacing in Bloomington. A win over Purdue Wednesday night would at the very least create some semblance of momentum for Crean’s plan moving forward.

Fans of real basketball will miss Sloan

First appeared on February 16th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

When Jerry Sloan stepped down as head coach of the Utah Jazz last week it marked the end of an era. The end of an era not only for fans of the Utah Jazz, but for professional basketball coaches as well. And while rumors swirl that Sloan’s franchise player, Deron Williams, forced his coach out, the real story is Sloan himself.


The world is full of people who know the game better than the coaches who cross their paths. In the murky depths of this jungle, Jerry Sloan coached the Jazz for 23 years. During his tenure in Utah the Pacers franchise alone went through 11 different coaches.

Born one of 10 children near Gobbler’s Knob Illinois, Sloan cut his teeth on farm chores and learned early the core set of values he would carry to basketball’s biggest stage. The fact Sloan was different soon became apparent when he worked part time at a Whirlpool plant while playing collegiately at Evansville.

After a stand out career with the Purple Aces, Sloan would become the first ever draft choice of the Chicago Bulls. An honor that would earn him the nickname “The Original Bull”. After a respectable playing career, he found himself on the Utah bench when legendary coach Frank Layden stepped down. The Jazz turned to Sloan and, after 1,127 victories and 23 years, he called it quits last week.

No coach has more wins or a longer tenure with one team. In total his Utah teams made 19 playoff appearances, including a run of 15 straight. Behind front men John Stockton and Karl Malone, Sloan’s Jazz teams lost twice in the NBA Finals to Michael Jordan’s Bulls.

From the mid 80’s until today the style of play in the NBA has recycled itself from the wide open game of Larry and Magic to the defensive, grind it out style of the Pistons, Bulls and Spurs to the return of the fast break. During that time, franchises reached for coaches familiar with the en vogue style. Jerry Sloan was the exception to this rule.

And while Sloan’s place on the Mount Rushmore of coaches is debatable, the fact he was a quality human being who stayed true to his core beliefs as a coach is not. If “players coaches” and the media were sharks in a tank, Jerry Sloan dove in wearing a three piece suit made of Spam. He’s an artifact. A dinosaur frozen in ice before the asteroid cloud.

And even if point guard Deron Williams didn’t force him out, it still happens. The NBA is a players’ league where coaches are hired almost out of respect for tradition. It’s almost as if coaches are simply included because, like beer vendors and mascots dunking off trampolines, fans expect to find them at games.

They say NBA coaches have a 3-5 year window before they lose the ear of their players. Jerry Sloan was the exception to this rule. They say coaches never outlast their superstars but Jerry Sloan was the exception. They say a coach has to win titles or be flamboyant or outspoken to endear himself to fans. Again Jerry Sloan was the exception to this rule.

And as shocking as lasting 23 years or interviewing in a John Deere hat is, as unfathomable as 1,000 wins with one team may be, far beyond the fact he made 15 straight playoffs in a place like Utah or that he was elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame, perhaps the most unbelievable thing about Jerry Sloan is that never once was he voted NBA coach of the year.

It's your turn now Indianapolis

First appeared on February 8th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Time to put away the Mardi gras beads and football shaped snack plates, another Super Bowl has come and gone. And with a lockout looming, Commissioner Roger Goodell has to be both excited and terrified by 111 million Americans tuning in to watch the NFL’s final game Sunday. This makes his season finale the most watched television event of all time and also proves a lockout would torpedo his game at its high-water mark.


As for the Super Bowl, the ice storm that hit the Dallas-Forth Worth area during the week leading up to the game proved everything truly is bigger in Texas; except apparently snow plows. And while the impromptu game of “Super Bowl Survivor” that sprang up, forcing fans to dodge falling chunks of ice and navigate Dallas without cabbies, may have brought headlines to an otherwise slow news week, they certainly weren’t part of the Super Bowl package pitched by organizers.

Evidently a billion dollars doesn’t go as far as it use to for, in the case of Jerry Jones’ beloved Cowboy Stadium at least, it bought everything he needed except a gutter system to trap falling ice chunks. Note to Jerry: Stop fast-forwarding through infomercials, installing the Gutter Helmet on Cowboy Stadium probably would have been a good investment.

It would appear the only catastrophe the Super Bowl planners of North Texas avoided was Jerry’s supersized scoreboard falling and crushing the players on the field, the referees and coaches, the Punt, Pass and Kick kids waiting in the end zone for halftime with the Black Eyed Peas as well as those who paid top dollar to sit in the first 50 rows.

To be fair I’ve never planned a Super Bowl. It appears to be tough sledding indeed; maybe something like planning a birthday party for 100,000. And if you haven’t covered every angle you are one cabbie strike or avalanche away from being labeled a disaster.

So with Indianapolis hosting the next Super Bowl what can fans expect? Well, the average highs and lows for an Indy February range from 40 to 23, but if history is any guide fans should be prepared for everything from an ice storm or blizzard with -50 wind chills to sunny and 60. Good luck packing.

But beyond glamorous movie stars and incredible exposure, the Super Bowl looks to bring much more to Indianapolis. Give the planners of the 2012 game credit for fostering ideas that will reach well beyond the field.

Part of the Super Bowl “Legacy Project” will build athletic facilities at Arsenal Tech as well as spearhead redevelopment efforts in a neighborhood where 30% of the properties are vacant lots or abandoned homes. Enclosed skywalks will connect the convention center with both nearby hotels and Circle Center while climate controlled walkways will link Lucas Oil with other Super Bowl destinations. The committee also promises to increase capacity at Lucas Oil by 7,000.

The “2,012 campaign” pledges to plant 2,012 trees on the near eastside before next February as the “1st and Green” initiative will seek to reduce carbon production and water usage in Indianapolis through a variety of green measures. Fans can find local carbon and water counters at 1standgreen.com. The “Super Scarves” program will turn to local knitting circles to create 8,000 mufflers with which to outfit the army of volunteers who will help facilitate the experience.

The countdown is on Indianapolis. With less than 365 days left until the Super Bowl arrives, enjoy the hype and soak up the spotlight for the eyes, and wallets, of the world are soon to be upon you.

Trading Places in the Big Ten

First appeared on February 1st, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Though it probably felt like an eternity, John Boehner labored in Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s shadow for four long years. While Pelosi got all the network interviews and Post headlines Boehner kept busy wiping down his father’s bar, a juke box in the corner blasting “Feelings” causing the tears on his cheeks to take on an iridescent, plutonium-like neon glow. But now the voters have spoken and Boehner and Pelosi have traded places. Boehner is the talk of the town while Pelosi is left to sulk in defeat at 30,000 feet in her private jet.


For one 48 hour period last week the basketball programs at Indiana and Purdue University traded places too. Ever since Hurricane Kelvin wrecked Bloomington, Purdue has been alone in grabbing headlines and national attention. The Boilermakers are perennially ranked and making deep tournament runs while IU has struggled for traction.

But for one 48 hour period last week the world was upside down. Black was white, left was right and broccoli tasted good without cheese. It all began with a road trip to Columbus. Though Boilermaker fans have certainly moved on, Buckeye nation will gladly remind them there is no word in the English language strong enough to describe the beating Purdue suffered at the hands of Thad Matta’s team.

At one time 31 points separated the two teams and the closest comparison possible for those who actually watched the State of the Union address would be a third grade AAU team scrimmaging somebody’s varsity. Thanks to incredible defensive pressure from Ohio State, the Boilers couldn’t find any offensive flow managing just 38% shooting from the field. Flawless rotations, lightning fast close outs and rock solid box outs limited Purdue’s chances all night.

But it wasn’t just their offense that was bad. For the first time in recent memory, Purdue’s defense wasn’t sharp either. What had been Head Coach Matt Painter’s calling card before Tuesday was suddenly nonexistent as Purdue gave up 66% shooting from 3 point range in the first half.

In fact it appeared as though the Boilers had jumped in Mister Peabody’s “Way Back Machine” and returned to 1989. While there the team hopefully took some time to avoid one disaster by helping the crew of the Exxon Valdez make a sharp right around Bligh Reef before setting up Tuesday night’s future disaster by attending a seminar on “how to play defense” put on by the coaching staff at Loyola Marymount.

As for trading places, Indiana’s performance against Illinois last week was unlike any Hoosier fans have seen in some time. Though not dominating in any fashion it was the most important win of the Tom Crean era as, for the first time, a Crean-led Indiana team defeated a ranked opponent by downing #20 Illinois 52-49.

Despite being bettered in almost every major statistical category, Indiana sustained their best defensive effort of the season holding the Illini to just 32% shooting. Toss in some timely baskets by point guard Jordan Hulls, who had a game high 18, and the most frenzied crowd Assembly Hall has hosted in years and Indiana had all they needed to capture a critical victory.

Crean gushed over Hoosier fans afterwards, “There is no place in the country that would support a program that has gone through what we have been going through…it was absolute bedlam in there.” Though we are still a couple years away from the two titans of basketball in the Hoosier state rivaling each other once more, for one 48 hour period Hoosier fans felt as though it actually were 1989 again.