Tales from the Oaken Bucket Game

First appeared on November 26th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

Rare is the occasion when two teams awash in a storybook-like greatness take to the same field in a tussle of such epic proportions that generations to come are sure to remember it vividly. Unfortunately such was not the case Saturday in West Lafayette as Indiana and Purdue met in the old Oaken Bucket game once again. Truly-what a difference a year makes as this years match up meant about as much as John McCain forcing a recount in North Dakota.
Last season an Austin Starr kick gave the Hoosier Nation some temporary hope that this football thing might work out. This season’s meeting didn’t begin to approach life or death and thankfully nobody will be playing another game. Many who found themselves in Ross Aide Saturday were overcome by the feeling that these two squads were taking to the field simply because someone had to lose the game.
For those of you who don’t relish sub-par football in sub-zero conditions let us summarize the day now. Imagine being at the infamous Ice Bowl of NFL fame; had that game been played on the most distant moon of the third planet west of Pluto that is (Make that Neptune instead as Pluto is in the process of appealing its recent non-planet demotion). To be clear it was cold.
From the looks of tailgate row, one wouldn’t know the Boilers were struggling however. In the chilled air the aroma of cheesy brats hung amidst the thumping sound of bags on a Cornhole board. Despite the conditions, fans turned out in all shapes and sizes. West Lafayette- where else could one find someone dressed as a Teletubby carrying a conversation on with another fan wearing a Jesus costume complete with curly wig, thorny crown and robe. One paid homage to Purdue quarterback Kyle Orton by wearing his jersey; and shoulderpads, and game pants, and eye black, and Bear game socks, and fake beard.
Not to be outdone one fan came lumbering down tailgate row looking like an extra off the set of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in a Craig Terril jersey, Mohawk haircut, black face paint and golden tassles tied to a pair of bulky arms. Nestled amongst the noisy rattle of generators one could find gas grills, charcoal grills, fire pits, tents with walls, propane space heaters, RV’s, Humvee’s and dozens upon dozens of cold people.
Coming into Saturday both schools stood a dismal 3-8 on the year (1-6 in conference play). IU’s season was a testament to the role injuries can play in derailing your dreams while the Boiler’s season was more living proof that lame duck coaches always coach one too many seasons. Somehow Purdue came in the favorite and, despite the game meaning absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, there was a palpable tension inside Ross Aide Stadium. Boiler fans could see the vultures circling over the Indiana sideline and Hoosier fans took note of the moving vans parked outside awaiting the chance to swallow up the contents of head coach Joe Tiller’s office.
Despite the season, for one afternoon Purdue fans remembered why they fell in love with Joe Tiller in the first place. For one afternoon it was “basketball on grass” again. For one afternoon they said goodbye to a man who changed football in the Big Ten while also sticking it to the one team they love sticking it to the most. The Joe Tiller era is over and where Purdue football goes from here is anyone’s guess. To be clear Tiller changed the face of football at Purdue. Some see him as a victim of his own success; we view him as yet another casualty in an unfortunate “what did you do for us this season?” culture that pervades college sports today.
At the end of the day the Boilers may have escaped the basement of the Big Ten with the Old Oaken Bucket in tow, but they sent a good coach and even better man on a wagon train west.

Tom Crean is a Maverick

First appeared on November 19th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

Indiana basketball fans will be happy to know that during the 2009-10 season the Hoosiers will be putting one of the top 5 recruiting classes in the nation on the floor. Until then….well let’s just say for the first time in history the people of Indiana will know what it feels like to brace for a major hurricane. The men’s basketball season, which has been lurking somewhere over the proverbial Atlantic like a Category 5 storm, is about to come ashore.
It has become so cliché for sports columnists or part time sports columnists or even writers pretending to be part time sports columnists for that matter to make predictions about the future that we feel an intense amount of pressure to conform. If the Hoosiers can win 10 games this season fans should be very happy; if they win more than that-Crean is a genius on the same level as Ben Franklin, Albert Einstein or Peter Sellers.
For proof see his team. There are five players who were actually recruited to play basketball and all of those are freshman. There are seven walk ons, one of which has already been drafted to play major league baseball (see his picture in Webster’s under “glutton for punishment”). There is one player who has division one experience and one who hails from the Gambia. Vegas will likely run the over under for Hoosier wins against the number of announcers who actually pronounce Tijan Jobe’s name correctly during the season.
Now, predictions aside, we’re here to speak on the resurrection that is underway in Bloomington. In eight short months Tom Crean has managed to restore some semblance of pride and unity within Hoosier Nation. This after all they stood for was absolutely torched by Kelvin Sampson. On an ultra-quizzical side note, with everything Sampson has been accused of, he is back in basketball as an assistant with the Milwaukee Bucks. If you would like to drop him a note thanking him for all the work he did in burying one of the most storied programs in NCAA history, you can reach him at fanfocused@bucks.com, or since it is Kelvin Sampson we’re talking about, you might be better served calling him at 877-428-BUCK.
In a word Crean has been electric. He has been pushing buttons nonstop since his April hiring. The man has literally been everywhere. From giving a public lecture on leadership to doing numerous radio interviews, he’s logged thousands of miles on the recruiting trail, made an appearance on ESPN’s talk show Rome is Burning and even somehow found time to squeeze in a 500 practice session at the track. To be clear, Tom Crean is inexhaustible.
The Hoosiers kicked off the season with “Hoosier Hysteria” and Crean made it an extra special evening by inviting former players back to Assembly Hall. The guest list included representatives from multiple generations of Hoosier teams. After their first win over Northwestern State (see cupcake in the dictionary) Saturday night Crean continued building support for his program by spending time afterwards flat handing fans and thanking the students for turning out.
From hiring Sampson in the first place, a move that made about as much sense as the Today show burning thousands of gallons of jet fuel while sending their anchors around the world in a futile effort to highlight the need for us to be more “green”, to hiring Crean, the Indiana athletic department has come light years in escaping the dreaded land of zero tolerance. Forget the outcome of this season, from everything we’ve seen to this point Tom Crean appears to be a great hire.

These aren't Your Grandpa's Pacers

First appeared on November 12th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter.

Last season it reached a point where the Pacers would have been better served by simply turning the lights out in Conseco. Most nights proved to be a seat-stealers dream as the Fieldhouse had seemingly morphed into a ginormous concrete bug zapper capable of repelling NBA fans by the thousands. In case you haven’t heard, the Pacers have made a few changes since last we saw them struggling in every since of the word. Gone are most of the overrated multi-million dollar gunslingers (and we mean gunslinger in the most literal since of the word possible) and in their place the blue and gold have a new batch of hard nosed team players full of nothing but pure guts.
Since the brawl we have seen the Pacers launch one feeble propaganda campaign after another advertising a “new look” or touting “a team united”. Sadly, the Pacers have been slow to learn that when you field a legitimate winner it becomes unnecessary to advertise the truth. This new group may not win enough to suit some but they will tug at the heartstrings of every true Indiana basketball fan; in short they are hard working team players.
But toting their lunch pails to Conseco every night won’t be enough to bring energy back to Pacer nation. Undoubtedly a new work ethic and likable players will bring enough warm bodies through the turn styles to drown out the orchestra of crickets we became so used to hearing at Corn-seco last season but the real energy won’t return until this crew proves they can win.
Don’t misunderstand, we are not hear to wax poetic about the days of Reggie dropping 25 in the fourth quarter, or tallying 8 points in 11 seconds (take your pick), to down the Knicks while shoving a proverbial sweat-soaked sock in Spike Lee’s mouth; rather we’re here only to make our rather bold prediction. This team will battle for the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.
Though it’s still early, first round pick Roy Hibbert seems to have the tools necessary to be productive enough to escape the tsunami of big man busts that appears to be ready to swamp Portland. With Danny Granger averaging over 20 points a game it looks as though he might be the embodiment of a $60 million bargain and, though it’s still early, in retrospect swapping Jermaine O’Neal for Hibbert and lightning fast point guard T.J. Ford (17 ppg thus far) appears to have been a move any right minded skinflint would have made. With Troy Murphy averaging 11 points and 11 rebounds (yes we know it’s still early), the Pacers should only get better when their second leading scorer from last season, Mike Dunleavy, returns from injury.
Boston will still be Boston and Dwight Howard’s shoulders will once again be broad enough for the entire city of Orlando. Philadelphia also looks to make a playoff return after improving their roster with the addition of Elton Brand. Dwayne Wade is healthy for the Heat and the Pistons just shocked the league by trading for future Hall of Famer Allen Iverson last week.
With LeBron still in Cleveland the Pacers will most likely have to beat out Toronto, Atlanta or Washington for a playoff spot. Of course this means any true Pacer fan should root like heck against these teams. In fact, stop reading this now and go search online for Jermaine O’Neal voodoo dolls. While you’re sticking pins in his knees, cross your fingers that Gilbert Arenas doesn’t make it back until the Wizards have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and of course root for Atlanta to be….well Atlanta.
No matter the outcome of this season there is something refreshing in the prospect of rooting for a team that won’t literally shoot at you should your support happen to wane.

Get off the Colts' Bandwagon While You Can

First appeared on November 5th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter.

This just in, the Colts have lost two of three games. Their record stands now at 4-4 on the season and to say the blue nation is nervous is about like saying Tina Fey and Sarah Palin could have been separated at birth. Here is some insider’s advice for you- the time to jump off the bandwagon is now. Get out while you can, get out before you lose all hope. Get out while you still have a small bit of hope with which you can begin a new nest egg on the bandwagon of some other NFL franchise; we suggest the Bengals or Lions as their stock would be an absolute steal right now. If you are a Colts fan aged 55 or older, good luck-there’s nothing we can do for you.
Experts can’t remember the last time the Colts were so inconsistent on both sides of the ball and many predict things will get uglier before they get better. Why you ask? There are so many factors at play that the average American wouldn’t fully understand this crisis. The offensive line has had issues and Payton’s surgically repaired knee appears to have the flexibility of an 87 year old man. Marvin Harrison is one Rodney Harrison cheap shot away from filing for Social Security and once again Bob Sanders reckless disregard for the limits of his own body had him clocking punts on the sideline when his team needed him most.
Is there a chance this season will turn around? In a word-no. You may be wondering if you should just stay put and leave your hope invested in the Colts like the always mirthful Suze Orman or her arch nemesis Neil Cavuto (aka Dilbert in an Armani suit) might suggest. The Colts have games remaining with two division leaders in Pittsburgh and the Titans, as well as two teams that will be clawing and scratching for playoff berths as well in Jacksonville and San Diego. Let us be the first to say, unless Payton is planning on jumping in a phone booth sometime soon where he might don the same cape and tights worn during his 49 touchdown season, this ship is going down and you need to get off.
Some blame the Republicans, others say it’s the fault of the Oil Speculators, we blame the play calling on third down. The Colts have been injured yes, but they have also been sloppy, lackluster and for most of the season utterly and entirely un-Colt like.
We’re here to announce these Colts will not make the playoffs. In fact we’re so sure these Colts will not make it to the playoffs that if it happens, and if we were Taco Bell, we would be prepared to offer every American not only just a free taco, but a free Mexican pizza, free nachos supreme, free Baja chicken Gordita, two free breakfast burritos with a free extra large soft drink and some free Mexican ice cream as well (limited to 1 order per car please).
Perhaps if we’re lucky Congress will step in and offer a bailout package that will allow the Colts to sign some of the NFL’s best players before the playoffs begin. Can you imagine Manning handing off to Adrian Peterson or DeMarcus Ware lining up opposite Dwight Freeney on the defensive line? With someone else’s money, it’s no stretch to say the possibilities are absolutely endless.
The Colts chances of another Super Bowl run someday aren’t toast just yet, but as an elite team this group is on the downhill run. In a way this year’s NFL playoffs will likely be a microcosm of the political landscape in the United States. Yesterday’s election was the first in 28 years that did not feature a Bush on the ticket and this years playoffs will be the first in what seems to be just as long that won’t feature the Colts on the field.