NCAA: The IRS of organized sport

First appeared on July 27th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

With the revelation that Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush took money while playing football at USC a whole new debate has surfaced on the sports landscape. Well, perhaps “reared its ugly head again” is the more applicable cliché. Allegations that Florida’s Maurkice Pouncey took money from a sports agent as well suddenly have fans, coaches and sportswriters alike calling for change. Well at least the sportswriters are.


In the past we have seen the NCAA hammer schools with suspensions, forfeitures and lost scholarships. Schools in turn have responded by falling over themselves apologetically before firing coaches and athletic directors. What we rarely see are the “student athletes” themselves being held accountable.

Nowhere before has the “one bad apple” theory fit more appropriately than in this scenario. There are literally thousands of Division One student athletes who are actually trading college sports for the chance to prepare themselves for a career outside of athletics. I understand this because I watch the Big Ten network and they keep the same NCAA commercial on a constant loop.

Unfortunately all it takes is one Reggie Bush, one scumball agent, one Kelvin Sampson and the entire system takes a hit. Unfortunately with hundreds of schools offering dozens of sports the numbers of student athletes totals in the thousands. In other words, this is likely a lion too big for anybody to tame. Even somebody with a solid track record for efficiency like the U.S. Government probably couldn’t help. Major college sports is King Kong on the Empire State building and the NCAA is an ant with a bullhorn trying to talk him down.

The bottom line is if coaches are worth millions to universities and the games generate millions more for networks perhaps the word “amateur” needs to be reevaluated. In the meantime we need to look at a way to dim the luster of the money agents wield. With recruiting extending all the way down to the junior high levels these days it would make sense for the NBA and NFL to become more involved before we witness the disgusting sight of agents leaching themselves to pregnant mothers.

Somebody, the President of the NCAA, retired Admiral Thad Allen or USC great Pete Carroll (OK, so maybe not Pete Carroll), needs to get the NFL and NBA on the same page to ensure players, along with institutions and coaches, are held accountable when things like this happen. By fining or suspending those players who have transitioned from college to the professional ranks before allegations break, you might be able to make them reconsider taking gifts from agents in the first place.

As for the agents themselves, there are several ways to deal with them. Few of which are legal. I suggest ritual sacrifice or a Mexican firing squad. And yes they still exist, my uncle’s in one.

I suppose the argument could be made that this is all simply a sign of how backward we are as a society. One need look no further than the Nobel committee recognizing three guys for studying the structure of Ribosomes when clearly there are more deserving people in the world; like the guy who invented DVR for example.

So what do we really have here? Another embarrassing moment. Another reason for the big time programs to reevaluate the ways they cheat. Another month or so of everyone trotting their high horses out to politic for the preservation of the purity of college sports. All the while proposing no solutions and changing absolutely nothing. The good news is the college football season will be here before you know it.

The Reds are back so...where are the fans?

First appeared on July 20th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

So the National League finally did it. For the first time since 1996 they beat the American League All Star team. Perhaps more astonishing to the casual fan than the game’s outcome was the fact that four of the victorious All Stars came from Cincinnati.


Before you ask me to repeat it, the Reds themselves must view their All Stars as proof they quietly put together a solid first half. After all they went into the All Star break leading the Central Division, and no, we don’t have time to discuss how weak the Central is this year because we’re too busy celebrating Cincinnati’s success.

It’s to the point now that some Reds fans are daring to utter a phrase that group swore off long ago. “Playoffs”? Looking back at the past 15 years, the dreams of any Cincinnati team contending for anything were gone about as fast as an I-Phone 4G can drop a call.

Cincinnati has long been the place where professional athletes went to die. Stranded in a desert starved of contenders, for some time now Cincy has been an ugly wasteland dotted with bungled opportunities and the occasional lost chance. The Reds franchise itself was a fruitless plantain tree struggling to stand in a rainforest of losses.

Unless you count 1999’s one game playoff with the Mets, the Reds have not seen the postseason since 1995. In fact, since the year 2000 the best finish the Reds could muster in the National League’s Central Division was 3rd.

But there’s a new set of roustabouts on deck in the Queen city now and having four representatives on this year’s All Star team is enough for us to believe fifteen years of bad memories have been boxed up and barged down the Ohio.

While as a staff the Reds have not had outstanding pitching, starters Bronsen Arroyo and Johnny Cueto have been solid. Arroyo leads the team with 10 wins and Cueto has amassed 79 strike outs. Perhaps most amazing is journeyman reliever Arthur Rhodes who, in 43 appearances, has a sparkling 1.43 ERA.

Cincinnati’s offense helps to balance a less than dominant rotation. All Star Joey Votto leads the team in homers and slugging percentage while, as a team, the Reds are 5th in runs scored, 4th in homers and 3rd in slugging percentage. Of course all this begs the question: Where are you Reds fans?

Given their resurgence, one would think the Great American Ball Park would see more faces than empty seats. Unfortunately attendance is the second lowest they’ve had in five years.

It’s no secret, despite making the playoffs last season, the Bengals have long been a source of consternation. While opposing defenses were laboring to lock up Chad Johnson on the field, many other Bengals were simply getting locked up off it.

But now Cincinnati has a division leader without a rap sheet and where are the fans? Nationally many are waiting for this team to go away. As if the Reds to a man will wake up one day and begin playing like a team capable of being swept by the Bad News Bears. I think the cool kids call it a “collapse”.

Well if they’re planning to choke away the position they’ve put themselves in, this week may be a good time to start. The Reds will get their chance to climb Mt. Strasburg Wednesday night as they battle the Nationals on ESPN. And while ESPN will be busy nominating Strasburg to Cooperstown, Cincinnati will be simply be looking for the one thing that has eluded them all season. Respect.

All the lipstick in Bloomingdales won't help the All Star game

First appeared on July 14th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

There are times when inspiration just doesn’t strike. Like, take this week for example. I’m sure the Pacers/CIB fiasco would have made for an intelligent column. But an overall lack of basic math skills precluded me from writing that. Clearly, trying to comment on that situation intelligently would have left me sounding like the congressman who argued stationing too many U.S. troops on one island would result in it tipping over (Google it, it’s true).


Then I thought the fact LeBron won’t win a title with the Heat next year would be a safe choice. But I quickly realized every other legitimate sports columnist in the nation has already gone there and it would appear small and uninspired on my part to ride their coattails for another week.

That leaves the logical stand-by. The MLB All Star game. I found myself thinking how cool it would be to go to Anaheim or Los Angeles or wherever the Angels are playing this year and cover the game. It’s not uncommon for most big time sports columnists to have a budget that covers stuff like that after all. Unfortunately my Reporter expense account leaves me with no choice but to write this column in my living room, which I’ll admit is the next best place to LA.

While the All Star game should be a celebration of superstars and fantasy match ups, it’s instead become hokey and predictable. It started with an unfinished extra innings disaster whose illegitimate child became known as “this one counts”. Now they’re selling us the “All Star game in 3 D”.

Today’s version is a washed up, watered down, PED-free shell of its former self. So how do you fix it? If MLB really wanted ratings they’d have found a way to get Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade and LeBron to play three on three with Stephen Strasburg, the Barefoot Bandit and Brett Favre.

Of course with the baseball season only being 162 games long, unfortunately we wouldn’t have had enough time to wait on Favre to decide if he wanted to play or not. However sprinkling in a Tiger Woods scandal somewhere in the 3rd or 4th inning would have likely bolstered ratings.

Perhaps they should have included the allure of Russian spies. After all, is there anything more compelling? Well, aside from the origins of that Italy-boot-shaped birthmark Gorbachev wore on his forehead. Perhaps starting the rumor that Strasburg is a Soviet spy sent to destroy American baseball will help build some hype for next year’s game. That might have Joe McCarthy turning over in his grave however; especially if he’s seen Strasburg’s full complement of pitches.

If it’s explanations for the game’s demise you seek, the argument I can formulate while exerting the least amount of thought is the advent of interleague play. It used to be the two leagues only saw each other at the All Star break and during the World Series. This of course meant revenge was on the mind of one of the leagues following a World Series defeat.

If anything interleague play has created friendly rivalries, not the “rip your heart out of your lungs and bowl you over at the plate” hatred we used to see during the midsummer classic. Don’t worry, if you don’t buy this argument I’m not married to it either. So what did we get out of the All Star game in 3D? Somebody famous sang a way-too-long-version of the National Anthem, a bunch of guys grounded out and Joe Buck spit facts out like a programmable robot. Where’s Charlie Hustle when you need him?

LeBron-a-palooza will tell us much about the King

First appeared on July 7th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Apparently LeBron James is a free agent. I mention this now because I see it as my duty as a part time pretend sports columnist to keep you abreast of breaking news in the world of sports. And while LeBron has quickly become the Brett Favre of this summer minus the hokey jeans commercials, most of the rest of the league is awaiting his decision before attacking what is undoubtedly the greatest class of free agents the world, or at least the NBA world, has ever seen.


Like BP’s estimated totals of leaking oil in the Gulf, rumors and opinions about the future of King James are flying furiously, changing rapidly and have been by and large wildly inaccurate.

But for this part time pretend sports columnist, this entire thing is more about James the man than James the player. He’s done more than prove his worth as a player on the court. He could go all “Michael Jordan” on us and retire today to pursue a future as a hand model or professional eater and his bust would still wind up in the Hall of Fame.

What remains to be seen is what type of man LeBron truly is. He is already on record saying this move will be more about championships than money. And if you are part of the New York Knicks ownership that means you can stop reading this now. If James truly wants a championship however he will likely have to accept a lesser role than he’s accustomed to.

For those of you with degrees in history looking for a translation it would be a lot like MacArthur being relieved of his command and, those of us with history degrees, all know how well that worked out. What we’ve seen in the past is during times of adversity James maturity could only be described as “under construction” (for proof see his round 2 loss to Boston this year).

Whether it’s with Dwayne Wade in Miami or Derrick Rose in Chicago, if James final destination is truly a port of call that includes a championship banner he helps hang, that means he’ll have to set sail with a First Mate. And this is one of the few things he’s yet to do on the basketball floor.

This won’t be the first time we’ve seen big stars join forces in the NBA. It worked very well in Boston with the Big Three. But this will be different. Boston took on three players who were edging past their prime and realized their infamous “windows of opportunity” were sliding shut. In Boston’s case they found a group with the maturity necessary to share the spotlight.

When the discussion turns to James, Wade, Rose and Chris Bosh however, we’re talking about players at the top of their game. That’s what makes this all the more interesting. It’s not just, Where will James go? It’s more, Will it really result in a championship? Can two or three guys who have the world by the tail really swallow their egos long enough to do those things necessary to win a title?

There are so many factors to consider when superstars collide. Enormous questions will linger in the locker room like an aged Limburger or stubborn foot fungus. Issues like whose ridiculous “Diego Maradonna-like” demands are to be met first? Demands like taking the final shot, getting announced last during starting line-ups and having a toilet capable of serving custom ordered cappuccinos in their hotel room. Yes these are the often overlooked, yet burning, issues to consider as we watch this drama unfold.