Who knew Cyndi Lauper was right: Money does change everything

First appeared on March 8th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

There is a great Seinfeld episode where a gabbling George Costanza tries to leave on a high note after discovering it’s possible for an entertainer’s popularity to reach a zenith. Comedians learn quickly fishing for one more laugh is often a perilous business and, with all the talk of labor disputes and unhappy millionaires, the NFL may be quickly approaching this point as well.


Its true football has never been larger. But lost in the haze of ESPN’s incessant coverage of Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith climbing out of their chauffeured cars is the fact that, should a deal not be reached, the Earth will not stop spinning, the Chinese military will not join forces with Mexican drug lords to overthrow Obama and, you might want to sit down for this one, the O Network will still be available.

The only lurid part of this entire mess is that the future of America’s most popular sport, and that of the world if you consider average attendance numbers per event, remains about as clear as a long-winded Dennis Miller rant.

The fact the NFL has never been more popular only makes this train wreck all the more appetizing. League owners obviously have some level of intelligence, or fortunate genes, to have amassed enough coin to purchase their franchises. With this in mind, surely they, or someone they’ve hired to make decisions for them, realize the phrase “history repeats itself” isn’t just something invented by a crusty old social studies teacher trying to goad his students into listening.

They have to understand the Major League Baseball strike in 1995 resulted in attendance numbers dropping by an average of 6,000 occupied seats the following season. This is clearly an indicator fans don’t like it when millionaires bicker over money as if their sole fear in life is having to settle for traditional leather in their new Jaguar XJ as opposed to that stitched from Mongolian Yak hide.

Despite the $80 ticket price, billion dollar stadiums and television contracts that could put the entire nation of Albania through grad school, NFL fans don’t want to believe their sport is about money. Professional football is supposed to be about Mean Joe Green tossing a game jersey to some kid or Joe Theismann literally “breaking a leg”, not greedy owners or dissatisfied millionaires.

Somehow fans still think when you strip it all down these guys play for the love of the game. We honestly believe the same passion that sends a 40 year old to a high school open gym or a group of assembly line workers to form their own softball team is what drives a professional athlete. We’d like to think these millionaires have the same type of love that gives an 80 year old Betty White the courage to go over the middle in a 7 on 7 pick-up game with much younger actors.

The truth is it’s not about love. And no matter the level of coverage ESPN gives it, none of us will ever fully understand it. How could we? How could we wrap our brains around the dollar amounts being tossed about? Simply put we can’t relate.

Perhaps the timing is the most interesting part. After all, how odd is it that NFL players find themselves battling for control at the same time Union workers in Wisconsin and Indiana are being raked over the coals in the national media for exercising their constitutional rights? I suppose more sympathy exists for NFL players because ESPN leads SportsCenter with fantastic touchdown catches instead of Jane Doe teaching a first grader to read.