When it comes to a rivlary, there are few guarantees

First appeared on February 23rd, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

In 1928 Republicans guaranteed a vote for Herbert Hoover would result in a “chicken in every pot and a car in every garage”. Shortly after Hoover won, the Stock Market crashed and our forefathers learned the hard way just how fickle guarantees can be.


Since the dawn of time, or at least the first time Grog chiseled a wheel from stone and uttered the phrase “satisfaction guaranteed” while swapping it for a Mastodon tusk, money back guarantees have lured us to fill up our closets, basements and attics with more of the things we can’t live without and don’t really need.

More to the point, as brazen and brash people by nature, Americans are smitten with the audacity that accompanies a good guarantee. John Kennedy famously guaranteed we would put a man on the moon and, for those of us who don’t subscribe to the “Hollywood basement” theory purported by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, most Americans are proud of the fact we did. Of course not all guarantees have rang true however. John Lennon once guaranteed the Bealtes would be “bigger than Jesus”, which is obviously debatable depending on how one wishes to spend eternity.

We love guarantees for being both the spice of life and the death knell of another’s relevance. They bring color to an oftentimes drab existence and yet ours remains a world full of the cynical.

A place where a good guarantee is often mocked before it’s had time to spread its young wings.

A good part-time pretend sports writer, one truly worth his salt, believes fully in what he puts down on the page. That, and the fact there’s so little else going on right now, is why I’m here to say there is no doubt, sure as tomorrow will see the sun rise and John Boehner crying about something, I guarantee IU will beat Purdue Wednesday night.

Who in their right mind would say such a thing? Someone with no inside information or statistical basis for doing so that’s who. Just a man, his pride and a hunch. And for those who need to rationalize every aspect of life, in short IU has nothing left to play for. An NIT bid seems out of the question and wins over Ohio State and Wisconsin carry longer odds. The only thing left to do now is upset Purdue Wednesday night; which they will do.

This is it. If Tom Crean’s crew wants anything to hang their hat on this year, anything to satisfy the sellout crowds who’ve found their way back to Assembly Hall, they have to beat Purdue. E’Twuan Moore and JaJuan Johnson have tormented Hoosier fans for four long years. A win over this duo in their final Assembly Hall appearance, not to mention beating Purdue (a national power and their arch-rival) would salvage something memorable from this season; heck- something memorable from Crean’s first three years.

One could argue this is the biggest game of the Tom Crean era and, while the natives are not openly restless, losing your last eight games, bowing out early from the Big Ten Tournament and then failing to make the NIT likely won’t be a popular way to end the season.

Beating Illinois and Minnesota at home were both nice moments, but they’re so far in the rearview mirror fans need something to maintain their interest until next season. And while it’s not full blown desperation, rumblings of discontent are surfacing in Bloomington. A win over Purdue Wednesday night would at the very least create some semblance of momentum for Crean’s plan moving forward.