Manning Bowl II Long on Hype, Short on Results

The list of things I have rooted against in my life is short. Global warming, Communist China, anyone coaching professional football in a hooded sweatshirt. But, this being said, for some strange reason I was apathetic about the 24 first half points the Colts put on the board Sunday night.


Somehow I was hoping “Manning Bowl II” would leave the Colts 0-2. It’s not that I want to see the Colts fail. It’s just that 0-2 is far more dramatic than 1-1. 0-2 means a direct flight to Panicville. 0-2 means angry mobs of people in the streets with pitchforks and torches. 0-2 forces terrified Colts fans to buy newspapers out of fear while 1-1 sells newspapers to terrified fans with pet parakeets.

I suppose in my mind 0-2 would have become 0-4. Then the greatest comeback in NFL history would follow as the Colts would rise like a Phoenix from the depths of ineffectiveness powered by the laser-rocket arm of their soon to be five time league MVP. And, after embarrassing whatever NFC poser was offered up for ritual sacrifice, Indianapolis would hoist another Lombardi Trophy. But the Colts won and now finding something to write about just became much harder.

Unless you’re a Colts fan “Manning Bowl II” didn’t meet any of the pre-“Manning Bowl II” hype generated by the talking heads at NBC. In fact if the Peacock wanted a competitive game, they’d have been better served pulling Papa Manning out of his luxury suite and putting him under center for the Giants.

And don’t go telling me not to take all this winning for granted; I’ve already done that. I’m no different than any other Colts fan. I look for the negatives in every win. “Yes we won by 24, but how many rushing yards did we have? How many rushing yards did they have? Our back-up quarterback couldn’t pass a bad Taco and did you hear Bob Sanders needs total hip replacement surgery?”

The games most exciting moment came in the third quarter when a disgruntled Brandon Jacobs fired his helmet into the crowd. Or fired it off the equipment cases only to have it ricochet into the crowd, or tried to spike it off the bench only to have it slip out of his; well let’s just say his helmet found its way into the stands “magic bullet” style. To be clear, if Jacob’s helmet wound up in my lap, I’d have been out of Lucas Oil faster than the Giants were out of Sunday night’s game.

Which of course forces one ponder the legal rights of drunk and disorderly fans. What does the Constitution say about professional football team paraphernalia that finds the hands of irrational people? Surely this isn’t a scenario the Framers overlooked.

Clearly the gaggle of people circling the fan with the helmet each appeared to have their own interpretation of the situation. Judging by all the gesturing and pointing, it was evident Hoosiers are fully aware of their legal rights when it comes to stray athletic equipment. And while I’m not a licensed lip reader, I’m almost certain one of them was telling Security “possession is 9/10ths of the law.”

So climb down off the ledge Ye Colts fans for all appears to be well with your Boys in Blue. Just be forewarned, should you happen to have a helmet fired your direction by a 6’4-265 pound running back, run for the exits like the building’s on fire or not only will you lose the helmet but you’ll come off looking confused and weak on national television.