For those not yet confused by college football; please read on

First appeared on October 21st, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Why does the lady at the cash register always ask if my check card is credit or debit? Why does she insist on asking when it can be both? And what is the most acceptable choice? These are the unanswered questions of my life.
Confusion is defined as a state of bewilderment. And no, “the state of bewilderment” is not west of Nevada. Bewilderment is personified by the look the cashier generally receives from me when I am forced to choose between credit or debit.
The Balloon Boy should know something about confusion and bewilderment after throwing the media into a code red tailspin late last week by apparently faking his own runaway homemade helium balloon rescue emergency. If anything he provided a “let’s ride this pony for all it’s worth” moment for the Larry Kings of the world, “Fort Collins, Colorado-Hello!” You say you still don’t think it was a publicity stunt? Perhaps another cup of Kool Aid is what you need most.
Confusion ruled the day Saturday in College Football and, contrary to popular belief it was not BCS induced. Surely the Ohio State Buckeyes were confused. Somebody please say they were under the impression the Purdue Boilermaker team they were facing Saturday was a golden days “Drew Brees attempting something like 1,000 passes in a half” version and not the 1-5 Danny Hope-led team that actually took the field because, despite being a two touchdown favorite, the Buckeyes still found a way to lose. For suffering one of the worst losses in his career on the day the first BCS rankings came out, Senator Tressel deserves a huge Arthur Fonzarelli “thumbs up” from Buckeye Nation.
How confused must fans of Delaware State be? Not only were their heads spinning from a 63-6 defeat at the hands of the Michigan Wolverines, but to make matters worse, like a punch in the gut Hornet fans were forced to suffer two defeats on Saturday after a scheduling conflict saddled them with a loss via forfeit.
Apparently there was confusion Saturday in South Bend as well. Fans were forced to endure the misery of a high spirited affair growing painfully tedious as time and again the officials brought things to a grinding halt with a never-ending series of “Why are they replaying THAT?” replays. In fact one might argue there were more replays in the game than USC band members granted sidelined passes (which is a ridiculous analogy for those who saw the broadcast). There were so many USC band members piled up on the sidelines Saturday it was almost as if the Trojan Horse had eaten some bad Thai food.
But alas confusion in college football is not unlike hormones in a Junior High dance; without them what would we really have? Certainly not the enigmatic six headed monster who feeds on television contracts and little boys who don’t do their homework (yes we’re still talking about college football). College football needs confusion. Confusion is the tonic that drives coaches, motivates players, stimulates the media and tortures fans.
To have a logical system that rewards strength of schedule and culminates with one clear champion would be the death of commentary, second guessing and the almighty “what-if” scenario. And these are the things that keep us all coming back.

Manning or Brady? The steel cage death match to end all steel cage death matches

First appeared on October 14th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Be it the Bundys, Honeymooners or anyone representing the Raiders franchise, even the most legendary of arguers are apt to stumble upon arguments which appear endless. Explosive topics like which came first the chicken or the egg? Or, if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around, does it make a noise? And then there is perhaps the most puzzling of all, who is the best quarterback of their generation, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning?
This is not a topic to tackle lightheartedly (unless you are the Ravens defense attempting to avoid another bogus penalty for sacking Brady of course). Stacking these two titans of sport up requires an appreciation of history, great knowledge of football and the ability to remain impartial. With this in mind, take what you’re about to read for what it’s worth.
At 6’5, Manning is a full inch taller than Brady; point Manning. Manning will play five primetime games this year to Brady’s four; advantage Manning. And before you begin thinking this is simply an attempt at inflating the legend of Peyton Manning like years of horse testosterone abuse inflated a stick thin outfielder whose Hall of Fame career may or may not have begun with the Pirates, Brady’s wife is a Supermodel; point Brady.
Hardware is a popular measure of the professional athlete. With this in mind, Brady has won three Super Bowls giving him two more rings than Manning; point Brady. Manning’s housekeeper has to dust around three league MVP trophies to Brady’s one however; advantage Manning.
Statistics are the measuring stick of choice amongst the mathematically inclined. For his career, Manning has over 20,000 more passing yards than Brady; advantage Manning. As a Colt Manning also has 121 career wins to Brady’s 107; advantage Manning. Though a detailed explanation of how it is calculated is best left for someone in possession of a PHD in statistics, Manning’s Quarterback Rating is 3 points higher than Brady’s; once again advantage Manning.
Many times the measure of a superstar is their imprint on popular culture. If there is anyone out there who hasn’t seen Manning hocking something on television they are most likely living in a thatch roofed hut somewhere in the Marshall Islands trying to dial a signal in with rabbit ears and tin foil. After all, the guy’s face is everywhere (see Gatorade, Sprint, Sony, MasterCard, H.H. Gregg and Direct TV for proof). With so much commercial face time it would appear that we have finally found somebody who could actually sell ice to an Eskimo; advantage Manning.
On paper Manning is clearly the better quarterback and his All Decade team selection is perhaps an early vote of confidence that history will ultimately find him the better player. In the court of public opinion however, Manning constantly finds himself audibilizing wildly (patting his head or flapping his arms while screaming nonsensical verbage) from the backseat with Brady confidently perched behind the wheel.
The thing about fans is they are notorious for only remembering the quarterback who wins the last game of the season as opposed to the one who puts up gaudy numbers for 16 straight weeks. With this in mind Manning needs one more ring to separate himself from Brady, otherwise only a Favre-like failure to recognize the deterioration of his own skills will keep Brady from going down as the best of his era. One more ring should cement Manning’s place as the greatest quarterback of his generation. Note to Jon Gruden: if you’re reading this, stop calling him the sheriff. That nickname’s like a rented tux-it just doesn’t fit!

When will this "Fever" for a title break?

First appeared on October 8th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

As the final buzzer sounded on Game 4 of the WNBA Finals in Conseco Field House Wednesday, two things were clear. The Fever remain one game away from a championship and women’s basketball is not at all what many think it is. There was a time when women’s basketball was stereotyped as being slow paced, low scoring and about as physical as a game of Scrabble (apologies to those families who have come to blows over someone’s attempted play of the word XU); for those of you who have not watched the WNBA lately however, nothing could be further from the truth.
A running team, the Phoenix Mercury get up and down the floor faster than you can google “symptoms of H1N1” after being sneezed on. A total of 236 points were scored in Game 1 of the Finals and, after receiving an inadvertent Fever elbow Thursday night, Mercury forward Penny Taylor is playing with a tooth wired in place by a Hockey dentist. Slow, low scoring and soft, I think not.
The Fever were able to score a split after games 1 and 2 in Phoenix before bringing the Finals to Conseco where they had only lost 3 times previously. Sunday’s Game 3 saw a WNBA Finals record for attendance set but after failing to close the series out Wednesday night Lady Drama will have to once again saddle up and ride west where the Fever will have last chance at donning the glass slipper (no double meaning intended of course).
Despite being the worst shooting team in the league, the Fever are incredibly balanced. Five players are averaging double figures in the playoffs. With a pair of NCAA titles between them, team leaders Tamika Catchings and Katie Douglas are proven winners. As perimeter players with good length, the two have feasted all season on the match up challenges opponents have scrambled to solve. Together this dynamic duo is ripping opponents up in the postseason with Douglas leading the team in scoring and Catchings doing more than her part by averaging a double double.
The Fever also have excellent complimentary players as well. Tammy Sutton Brown provides dependable inside scoring while Arizona State rookie Briann January has proven a bright future awaits by averaging double figures off the bench in the postseason. However, after suddenly becoming the Fever’s leading scorer during the Finals, Ebony Hoffman has to be the biggest surprise of all.
We should probably mention something about the Mercury to maintain our reputation for unbiased commentary (or on the outside chance there is somebody in Arizona who subscribes to this paper). WNBA Champions in 2007, the Mercury are led by Head Coach Corey Gaines who favors a wide open style inspired by Loyola Marymount’s Paul Westhead. You remember Loyola Marymount? The “hurry up and lay it in so we can inbound the ball, make one pass and drill a three pointer” Loyola Marymount? The same Loyola Marymount that could drop 145 points on you without breaking a sweat?
All kidding aside, Games 3 and 4 saw a real energy in Conseco. An energy the Pacers haven’t seen since Ron-Ron went into the stands for some popcorn in Detroit. While Larry Bird bought 9,000 seats and gave them away during the Fever’s Eastern Conference Finals appearance, there has been no need for such gratuitous charity lately. Consecutive capacity crowds, all of whom paid full price, came, cheered and left with the only fever one welcomes in this topsy turvy- I think a co-worker gave me H1N1- sky is falling world we live in; the fever for a title.

It's been 40 years already and has anything really changed?

First appeared on September 30, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Some things happen only once in a lifetime. Things like true love, Haley’s Comet and apparently Indiana winning a football game in Ann Arbor. Yet as Freshman running back Darius Willis was streaking up the sideline during Saturday’s fourth quarter, the crimson red heart of Hoosier nation surged with the belief that history was in the making. 85 yards later Willis scored giving Indiana a lead late in a game they had not won since 1967.
The last time Indiana beat Michigan in Ann Arbor LBJ was president and we hadn’t visited the moon yet. The last time Indiana beat Michigan in Ann Arbor gas was 33 cents a gallon, Super Bowl I had just been played and Charlie Chaplin released his final film.
In the end it was not meant to be as Wolverine Freshman Tate Forcier wrote another chapter in what, early on, looks to be a storybook career. To be clear, Michigan won a game they had no business winning and Indiana lost a game they had no business losing. But ultimately it was a game lost on the national radar for there were far too many upsets Saturday for anyone to spend much time talking about what almost was in Ann Arbor.
Despite this, two things should come about as a result of Saturday’s outcome. For Michigan, one can only assume the insane “Wolverine National Championship” talk we heard after they found a way to beat Notre Dame three weeks ago is gone, surely. For Indiana more may come from losing this game than one might expect. Televised on ESPN 2, the game reached far more households than ESPN U or the Big Ten Network combined. This being said, Indiana having such a dramatic performance on a stage as glamorous as the Big House on such a network as ESPN 2 will go further in recruiting than any 3-0 start against two MAC teams and Eastern Kentucky ever could.
Was it one game? Yes. Do we know what kind of team Bill Lynch really has on his hands? No. Will we find out next week when they play Ohio State? Most likely. But forget wins for the moment, IU needs more performances like this to both energize their fan base and attract recruits. Would it have gone further to win Saturday? Obviously. Does it go further losing by three than the 65-0 we’ve so painfully grown accustomed to? I’m not going to dignify that with a response.
For one bright Saturday afternoon Indiana’s football program caught lightning in a bottle. They came in a program ranked as one of the worst in the conference by the experts and, except for two plays in the first half defensively, they never once looked like they didn’t belong on the field with Michigan. A game that historically resembles a boxer working the heavy bag turned out to be every bit Ali v. Frazier, Tyson v. Holyfield or Nancy Pelosi v. anyone with a pulse. Does the game get Lynch a ticket out of the leaking lifeboat he and Charlie Weis appear to be trying to keep afloat? Not quite yet. And now, as far as plugging the leak goes, the boys are going to have to get real creative after Weis needed a fourth quarter drive to beat Purdue and Lynch threw their best hope (chewing gum) out of his mouth in disgust on Saturday. Strange as it may sound however, the loss to Michigan does get Lynch one step closer to his goal of building a program and, oh yeah- keeping his job at the same time.

In Jay We Trust; well, some of us anyway

First appeared on September 23rd
in The Lebanon Reporter

Have you ever regretted buying something and spent days or weeks looking for the receipt just so you could return it? After tossing four interceptions in his first game, one has to wonder how much time the Bears ownership spent scouring their offices, emptying drawers, turning over couch cushions and looking under mattresses for Jay Cutler’s receipt. After such an embarrassing opener against their arch rivals, just how close was ownership to making that dreaded trip back to the store to shamelessly grovel, “I can’t find the receipt- but I only used it once.”
As ugly as week one was, week two didn’t start much better for the man most in Chicago had dubbed the greatest quarterback in Bear’s franchise history before he had even taken a snap. Of course nobody in their right mind, present company included, would dare compare Kyle Orton to Dan Marino, but I’m sure even Orton could have gotten more than the 8 yards passing Cutler had in the first quarter against Pittsburgh Sunday. In fact after just five quarters of football, one has to wonder how many Bears fans were thinking the same thing but collectively waiting for Kanye West to storm the stage, steal the microphone and announce to the world that he loves Jay Cutler but Kyle Orton was better.
This isn’t meant to be an exercise in Cutler bashing it’s just the hype that surrounded his trade from Denver was so ubiquitous all summer it’s simply human nature to wonder how warranted it was. For never before have we seen the media whipped into such a frenzied hype over one player switching teams; OK you’re right Brett, please forgive us for forgetting about you momentarily.
But with the Blackhawks coming so close to a Stanley Cup last season and both the Sox and Cubs fading, the city of Chicago is suddenly hungry for a title. With this in mind Cutler becomes more than just another off season acquisition. He becomes the great white hope for Chicago sports fans everywhere.
Forget the 4 interceptions from week 1 and the 8 yards passing in Sunday’s first quarter, Cutler seemingly has larger issues. Not only are the words Super Bowl and his name being printed in the same sentence on a near constant basis, but he must also find a way to fill a pair of shoes that have went unworn for the duration of my lifetime; those of the first Chicago Bear superstar quarterback.
Luckily for Cutler, he was able to make something of the final three quarters Sunday. And, after watching years of Orton and Rex Grossman battling each other for control of the clipboard, it would appear Cutler will make the Bears a much better football team. This being said, Cutler wasn’t a media darling in Denver and, if things don’t go well early on, the Chicago media will likely make Denver feel like a ghost town.
Can Cutler deliver a title as well as become the superstar everyone assumes he will be? The Hall of Fame, NFL legend status and a lifetime free pass from parking tickets in Chicago all hinge on whether he can deliver a title and become the quarterback Chicago hungers for.
In the end, it will all fall on Cutler’s head. Literally. Does he have the head it takes to be a consistent quarterback, or more importantly for his position, a leader? Too often it’s been his bottom lip we’ve seen when things get tough and for him to deliver both a title and become a superstar, Cutler will need more than simply a rocket arm.

Weis or Rodriguez? Is the lesser of two evils really any better?

First appeared on September 16th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Willing and able football coach in his prime seeks BCS school looking for impressive resume. Must be willing to overlook mixed results. Qualifications include 14 years of coaching experience at the NFL level with four Super Bowl rings. References include two Hall of Fame coaches. Call the Notre Dame Athletic office and leave a message for Jose.
With his team’s loss to Michigan, Notre Dame Head Coach Charlie Weis (Tuna Jr.) may have sealed his fate; again. Saturday was more than a game. It was a moment in which the beleaguered coach sought to snatch his career from the jowls of termination. And just when it appeared his talented receivers and silky smooth quarterback with the west coast hair would pull through, there was Michigan’s Rich Rodriguez (Rich-Rod) bungling things in the same awkward and familiar way only Rich-Rod can.
Two once proud men. Both with hooks firmly in their mouths as their fan base and boosters reel them in. Both fighting for their coaching lives and reputations as 100,000 strong in the Brick House Saturday tried their best to do the loyal fan gig, but all along failing in masking their confusion. Most were surely unsure of what they wanted more- their own coach to fail so the fire-him-now drama would continue, or Weis to have another nail driven into his coffin.
I mean seriously, when your own players are complaining they’re working too hard, it goes a long way in saying Rich-Rod has problems of his own. And still, despite this, he somehow found a way to wriggle away from the hungry jaws of Tuna Jr. It’s no surprise really, we’ve seen Rich-Rod wriggle his way out of tight places before. It might actually do more to explain just how bad things have gotten for Weis. In the end it was Rich Rod who was able to snap his line and live to fight another week while Tuna Jr. appears to be one game closer to finding himself on the stringer.
Since Charlie Weis came to South Bend the phrase “the once proud program” has passed over the tongues of commentators and fans alike far more than “Luck of the Irish” or anything else the Golden Domers of old cling to. Whether you point to the most losses in a single season in Notre Dame history (9 in 2007), the billboard funded by former players heckling Weis or the two passes called late in the game against Michigan, slowly but surely the boosters and the University are beginning to find more and more line on their reels.
Who knows why these things happen. With only a handful of games each season and a postseason system so illogical it appears to have been organized by three chickens and a Black Headed Spider Monkey, college football can be brutal on coaches. Somewhere along the way Weis failed at endearing himself to the media (or winning enough games whichever works). He doesn’t say the right things and he doesn’t use the same tired catch phrases the press expects to hear regularly.
Weis doesn’t even attempt the painted smile; you know the same painted on smile every coach musters whether he’s won, lost or just had a house burn down. Most likely this is a byproduct of spending so much time with two of his mentors, Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells (the Tuna). For this, Weis may be one step closer to paying the ultimate price. The point is Weis is out of favor, he’s out of excuses and he’s one week closer to being out of both time and chances.

Now that Indiana University has built it, will they come?

First appeared on September 9th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

When a last second Hail Mary pass landed in the end zone last Thursday night Bill Lynch and the Indiana Hoosiers dodged a huge bullet. Well, as huge as a win over Eastern Kentucky can be that is. It wasn’t the prettiest of wins but at this place in time Lynch can’t afford to be a picky man.
At this point Indiana Football’s future is uncertain. For many years they have been the punch line in a conference struggling for national respect. But alas, for Hoosier fans that is, the winds of change seem to be finally a blowin’. With the completion of the north end zone project Indiana now boasts incredible facilities that should aid in recruiting. These include end zone seating linking the east and west grandstands, a Hall of Champions museum, banquet facilities and film rooms with stadium seating.
Of course football teams tend to do better when they can break tackles and block for teammates. With this in mind, programs are built with proper weight facilities and, call Guinness Book if it makes you feel better, but the world’s largest collegiate weight room now resides in Bloomington, Indiana (25,000 square feet).
The Hoosiers have also shown a commitment to their younger fan base. The south end zone area now includes a knot hole park where kids can play on a replica of the Memorial Stadium field. One thing is clear, Fred Glass, and the rest of the Athletics Department, understand Rome wasn’t built in a day. By adding something as simple as an activity area for kids they ensure the program’s future by sowing a crop of young fans who will want to return to Memorial Stadium with their own children someday.
But for now all signs point to Lynch. He was given the opportunity to build on what Terry Hoeppner started. But a real opportunity is not one or two years. He needs a legitimate chance to recruit the kids he wants. To build his own program and not simply carry on the legacy of another. Just because he struggled to get wins at Ball State doesn’t mean Bill Lynch can’t coach (see Bill Belichick in Cleveland).
The facelift Hoeppner provided and the subsequent bowl his co-pilot (Lynch) helped get the Hoosiers to were both special but Hoosier fans can’t think in terms of bowls right now. Lynch simply needs to show measured progress. This means competing with the Iowa’s and Minnesota’s of the world and handling the Eastern Kentuckys. And by “handling” we don’t mean 19-13.
They will never beat Michigan, Penn State or Ohio State with any regularity (which other Big Ten schools do?) but there is no reason for them to be the eternal conference doormat. Indiana has proven it can be competitive in most every other sport. In fact Indiana athletic programs have won over 24 national titles. With this in mind they should be capable of fielding a more competitive football team.
In the next two years Lynch’s teams need to find themselves in games late against Big Ten opponents. For as far as getting butts in the seats go, there’s a lot to be said for having a chance to win the game you have paid fifty bucks to see. If he’s still squeaking out wins against Eastern Kentucky two years from now then Fred Glass needs to help him find the door. And with a new 138,000 square foot addition, he might literally have to help Lynch find the door. With new facilities and new administration winning at Indiana can no longer be a question of if but when.