For those not yet confused by college football; please read on

First appeared on October 21st, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Why does the lady at the cash register always ask if my check card is credit or debit? Why does she insist on asking when it can be both? And what is the most acceptable choice? These are the unanswered questions of my life.
Confusion is defined as a state of bewilderment. And no, “the state of bewilderment” is not west of Nevada. Bewilderment is personified by the look the cashier generally receives from me when I am forced to choose between credit or debit.
The Balloon Boy should know something about confusion and bewilderment after throwing the media into a code red tailspin late last week by apparently faking his own runaway homemade helium balloon rescue emergency. If anything he provided a “let’s ride this pony for all it’s worth” moment for the Larry Kings of the world, “Fort Collins, Colorado-Hello!” You say you still don’t think it was a publicity stunt? Perhaps another cup of Kool Aid is what you need most.
Confusion ruled the day Saturday in College Football and, contrary to popular belief it was not BCS induced. Surely the Ohio State Buckeyes were confused. Somebody please say they were under the impression the Purdue Boilermaker team they were facing Saturday was a golden days “Drew Brees attempting something like 1,000 passes in a half” version and not the 1-5 Danny Hope-led team that actually took the field because, despite being a two touchdown favorite, the Buckeyes still found a way to lose. For suffering one of the worst losses in his career on the day the first BCS rankings came out, Senator Tressel deserves a huge Arthur Fonzarelli “thumbs up” from Buckeye Nation.
How confused must fans of Delaware State be? Not only were their heads spinning from a 63-6 defeat at the hands of the Michigan Wolverines, but to make matters worse, like a punch in the gut Hornet fans were forced to suffer two defeats on Saturday after a scheduling conflict saddled them with a loss via forfeit.
Apparently there was confusion Saturday in South Bend as well. Fans were forced to endure the misery of a high spirited affair growing painfully tedious as time and again the officials brought things to a grinding halt with a never-ending series of “Why are they replaying THAT?” replays. In fact one might argue there were more replays in the game than USC band members granted sidelined passes (which is a ridiculous analogy for those who saw the broadcast). There were so many USC band members piled up on the sidelines Saturday it was almost as if the Trojan Horse had eaten some bad Thai food.
But alas confusion in college football is not unlike hormones in a Junior High dance; without them what would we really have? Certainly not the enigmatic six headed monster who feeds on television contracts and little boys who don’t do their homework (yes we’re still talking about college football). College football needs confusion. Confusion is the tonic that drives coaches, motivates players, stimulates the media and tortures fans.
To have a logical system that rewards strength of schedule and culminates with one clear champion would be the death of commentary, second guessing and the almighty “what-if” scenario. And these are the things that keep us all coming back.