The race for a Big Ten Title is on!

First appeared on January 8, 2016
in The Lebanon Reporter

The Big Ten men’s basketball season is upon us. Let us rejoice together. Let us sing for joy and shout it from the mountaintops. Let us speak with the voice of a Trump so that all may hear, no matter where they are and no matter if they really don't want to hear it at all.

The gates are down and the horses are off. There’s Bucky Badger, usually a heavy favorite, limping his way into turn one. Bruised and beaten, Bucky has lost his jockey, a normally fiery taskmaster who chose to jump ship in midrace. Bucky came so close to the winner’s circle last year, so close the taskmaster went all Brett Favre on the college basketball world. I’m done, I’m back, I’m done again.

Meanwhile, after many years reigning king over the middle of the pack, Purdue Pete was an early favorite until he stubbed his toe at home Saturday against Iowa. And this was no run of the mill, dark house, middle of the night toe stubbing. No, this one came after amassing a seventeen point halftime lead on the day the school honored the most iconic Boilermaker of all time. Nice timing Pete.

Compounding matters for the Black and Gold, Purdue’s sworn nemesis, the Hurryin’ Hoosiers of Indiana, are in a full gait, galloping out to a 3-0 start in conference play. Largely a product of the scheduling gods, Indiana’s fast start has them sitting atop the standings with four other unbeatens.

Unfortunately the Hoosiers fortunes turned bleak when news of talented scorer James Blackmon Jr.’s season ending surgery broke. This, coupled with Indiana’s reluctance to enter into a committed relationship with the defensive end of the floor, will make it hard to win consistently. In fact, Tom Crean’s Hoosiers competing for a Conference Title this year would be a lot like a Presidential candidate openly bad mouthing women, slandering an entire religion and masterfully deflecting attention away from every question he’s ever been asked. I mean, no chance, right?

So the Hoosiers knock off the Badgers in one of the ugliest games since the birth of the shot clock and you decide that was so bad you're swearing off basketball; if only you could turn the channel. Lying on the couch, your arm extends for a remote that lingers just out of reach and a small part of you fully believes that, if you concentrate long and hard enough, the force will allow you to raise it up and bring it into your hands. The talking heads in their sharp cut suits and ridiculous ties bloviate unabashedly about Michigan State. “They’re 14-1 for a reason”, “They’re the best team in the conference and the country!” No matter where you turn, it would seem you simply can’t escape Sparty.

Throngs appear on the television, screaming for more. They wear his tee-shirts and stand in long lines waiting for him, all the while refusing to acknowledge there are other teams in the conference. Other teams that may be just as good and just as qualified, perhaps some more so, but Sparty drowns them out every time.

Let the late night guys drag him through the mud like a tractor pull sled, Sparty will march on undaunted as the crowds swell, clamoring for more. Poor Minnesota and Rutgers can barely get people through the door as Sparty is busy playing to a packed house every night.
And with Sparty jet-setting his way through the college basketball world, you’re left stuck in the muck and mire of post game analysis, wondering if Sparty isn’t just a product of media hype as the remote remains in the middle of the coffee table, thumbs in its ears and tongue sticking out. Disgusted with the world, you’re left to roll over, turning your back on that elusive remote and all this incessant Sparty talk.

© 2016 Eric Walker Williams