The Worm takes a spin on the Axis of Evil

First appeared on March 6th, 2013
in The Lebanon Reporter

Most people who call this great nation home are in agreement that greasy cheeseburgers taste good, President’s Day is not a holiday that screams “Let’s go buy a car!” and there is no better example of an oxymoron than the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.
Yet in this age where social media and popular culture are the accepted barometer for everything American perhaps it’s only fitting the Harlem Globetrotters, long time bastions of American culture and new to the scene political activists, dispatched Dennis Rodman to North Korea last week to extend an olive branch, albeit heavily tattooed and pierced, to Kim Jong Un.

It used to be the U.S. only exported cars and airplanes from factories filled with men who coached Little League and drank heavy beer and didn’t bellyache about having to work 12 hour shifts, but we’ve since moved on to Democracy and, perhaps worst of all, Dennis Rodman and Honey Boo-Boo.

Don’t get me wrong there was a time when Rodman was amazing. Hunter Orange hair and wedding dresses aside, anyone who can boast nearly 12,000 rebounds, two NBA Defensive Player of the Year Awards and five championship rings was clearly more than a million dollar sandbag holding the bench down. But like most, the Worm has struggled with the whole “riding off into the sunset” bit.

There are so many unanswered questions surrounding Rodman’s vacation in the land of the oppressed and home of the eternally intimidated. Considering Kim is an avid fan of basketball, we can assume the two spent hours dissecting the art of rebounding and flopping, as well as the most effective methods for staying out of Michael Jordan’s way on offense. But the world longs to know more. Did the two talk politics? What was Rodman’s motivation? And just how long did it take him to remove enough piercings to pass through airport security?

Of course the real problem with Rodman visiting Pyongyang isn’t necessarily that it legitimizes a rogue government, rather it’s the cartoonish perception the rest of the world will have of us. It does more damage to Americans than anyone else. I once met a man in Africa who was convinced, at one point or another, I’d been to the White House and met George W. Bush just as every other American had. It’s best we understand now the small flashes of American politics and culture that make it to the far corners of the Earth have the staying power of a “Brad and Angelina Forever” Tatoo.

Rodman’s vacation has prompted so much attention that Press Secretary Jay Carney took a clear line Monday by saying North Korea should “focus on the well-being of its own people, who have been starved, imprisoned and denied their human rights.” Of course any fears Washington has of Rodman’s visit to North Korea somehow sparking sympathetic feelings to any hard line the U.S. may need to establish later should only be justified if they’re convinced the majority of Americans look to celebrities who are no longer relevant for political advice; OK so it’s a safe assumption Washington is terrified.

Compounding matters Rodman made an uncomfortable appearance on Good Morning America where he drew a shockingly ineffective comparison between President Clinton’s infidelities and North Korean labor camps while waving his hands around like a magician and muttering “Guess What” about 350 times in a six minute interview with George Stephanopoulos.
Upon second glance perhaps North Korea and the Worm were made for each other. After all both are strange, hard to understand and it would seem Americans don’t have time for either one anyway.

© 2013 Eric Walker Williams