A Real Man's Thoughts on the Olympics

First appeared on August 3rd, 2012
in The Lebanon Reporter

This one goes out to Real Men everywhere. Those who drink kerosene, belch fire and fart rocket fuel. The one’s who don’t consider a day complete until they’ve spit, scratched, cursed for no reason and blown something up. The one’s who sought professional counseling when Oprah took on the cattle industry and those who believe Roger Goodell is fast-tracking the wussification of America.

Real Men can’t be fooled. We realize until they’re replaced with “No Flavor” that low fat labels will always be a legal form of false advertising. NBC can’t fool us either. In this ultra sophisticated world of ours there is no way the Olympics can be broadcast in the same manner in which they were in 1992.

And so it was Real Men everywhere grilled a medium raw T-Bone, drenched it with sautéed mushrooms, grabbed a stick of butter from the fridge and sat down with a frozen mug filled with German inspiration to watch the Women’s Team Gymnastics finals Tuesday night. But what they saw instead was a travesty of broadcasting.

Real Men will unanimously agree the achievements of the newly dubbed “Fab Five” were both compelling and remarkable. The rub is the fact NBC went out of their way to fabricate a historic moment. After American Champion Jordyn Wieber had previously failed to qualify for the individual competition, the suits at Rockefeller saw an opportunity to create some history. Fans who tuned in were subjected to a heartfelt mini-documentary on Wieber’s rise and fall as an Olympian which culminated with a tease for the one chance Wieber had at rescuing her legacy from the jowls of humiliation.

It was a nice 3 minutes. The only issue here is that when NBC ran the “Can Jordyn Could Put Together that One Perfect Performance and Save Her Gold Medal Chances?” piece, she’d already done it; like 6 hours beforehand. NBC has to revisit business as usual. There is perhaps a small demographic who still huddle inside their homes beside their rotary phones avoiding any means of contact whatsoever to the outside world, all the while waiting until primetime to turn their televisions on like preprogrammed robots. But this group does not include many Real Men.

Real Men want to witness Olympic history. The Dream Team of ’92 completely embarrassing every team that was forced to take the court with them, Michael Phelps netting 8 Gold Medals in a single games or Kerry Strug’s dramatic vault which included an amazing landing with one good ankle. The trouble is for these to be authentic and memorable they also have to be spontaneous. They cannot be manufactured in the fashion NBC attempted Tuesday night. You cannot fabricate history, this is not a communist country or a Reality Television show.

So what is the solution you may ask? I have no idea. What I do know is that the rules are different now. After all any unemployed twenty something with a Smart Phone and access to someone who could actually afford tickets to an Olympic event can use a 140 character post on Twitter to bring the 70 year old industry that is television advertising to its knees.

So it’s not about hiding the fact the team representing the Isle of Man medaled in Synchronized Kayaking for a few hours, it’s about rethinking Olympic coverage. Broadcast it in Real Time, make the coverage straightforward and let history take its own course. Besides if Real Men have a plate of corn dogs and a Bloomin’ Onion garnished with deep fried butter chunks on their laps during the broadcast they won’t complain anyway.

© 2012 Eric Walker Williams