Even in the midst of Snowpocalypse, the All Star game looks bad

First appeared on February 17th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Well it turns out Snowpocalypse was the monster they said it would be. Few could have predicted the level of collateral damage we would see in the snowmaker’s wake however. Turns out it grounded thousands of flights, stopped Washington D.C. in its tracks (insert joke here) and even forced some people to do the impossible; yes we’re talking about watching the NBA All Star game.
With interstates closed, airports shut down and milk flying off the shelves of every 7-11 from Chicago to Long Island, there was little reason for people to get out; so the NBA All Star game became the next logical choice (and yes, I can’t believe I just said that either).
Of course Snowpocalypse couldn’t stop everyone as Al Gore was reportedly spotted in Vancouver over the weekend selling An Inconvenient Truth T-shirts out of the trunk of his car.
Seeing the NBA All Star roster tells you immediately everything that’s wrong with the internet. At one time players were chosen by fans who actually ventured outside of their homes and paid good money for terrible seats just to curse out officials while watching their favorite teams. These were people who at least understood one of the main objectives in basketball is to put the orange ball through the round hoop looking thing. Enter the internet. Where anyone with a laptop, internet access and a half hour to kill can literally vote for the worst player in the league 11,000 times.
Alas this is the world NBA Commissioner David Stern has created. Sunday however, Stern was forced to take an uncomfortable backseat to Jerry Jones and his own personal attempt at redefining the old adage “Everything’s bigger in Texas”. Of course we’re talking about Cowboys Stadium.

Over 108,000 fans turned out to watch the East take on the West in Sunday’s 59th NBA All Star game. In case you’re wondering what 108,000 fans at a basketball game looks like, just imagine someone spilling an ant farm into a cereal bowl the size of New Jersey.
108,000 people. That’s like having the entire city of Gary, Indiana attend the same game at the same time; twice. If it weren’t for a scoreboard the size of Swaziland, those sitting in the upper decks of Cowboy’s Stadium Sunday would have had to rely on internet updates just to know who scored. Perhaps most amazing of all is the fact that we can hang a scoreboard larger than a basketball floor but McDonalds can’t make a lid that will stay on their coffee cups.
But back to the game. Reluctant All Star game viewers have grown accustomed to some All Stars being wheeled onto the floor because they’re so old and past their prime. Watching aged, former stars trying to stay up with younger, rising stars is perfect fodder for a Scooter Store commercial. Come to think of it, the game would have been more interesting if they would have been riding scooters. It’s billed as the world’s greatest pick up game, though I’ve seen more competitive and interesting games at recess.
The All Star get-togethers of every major sport are quickly losing their charm. To mixed reviews, baseball and football have both experimented with changing formats. The case to keep the NBA All Star game unchanged is perhaps strongest from those high school and college coaches who secretly pine: “If only there was a way to show players how to make terrible passes, take awful shots and play absolutely no defense”. And if this is what Stern was shooting for Sunday, then 108,000 plus got their money’s worth.