Escape from Revis Island

First appeared on January 27th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

When Jets coach Rex Ryan said he would be “shocked” if his team lost to the Colts in the AFC championship game the mass media drooled. Crusty sports reporters whose brains had long ago turned to mush from years of habitually abusing coaching clichés were suddenly reenergized. They called Ryan a genius. A brilliant motivator; Eisenhower with a clipboard.
For two straight weeks the Jets were rammed down our throats as the NFL’s feel-good Cinderella story. Monday after their win over San Diego they were the inmates from “The Longest Yard”. By Wednesday they were the Ravens of 2000 and by the time they entered the Luke Sunday, they had become the ‘85 Bears. Well, this just in, the clock has struck midnight and it’s not 1969 anymore.
After handing the J-E-T-S a season ending L-O-S-S (that really should have came a month ago) Ryan now finds himself saddled with an oversized six shooter fresh out of bullets. For a month solid his pie hole was the Energizer Bunny of professional football. Then Austin Collie got loose in the secondary and, before Fireman Ed could find his seat after a halftime potty break, the Colts had found Ryan’s off button.
One can’t help but wonder if Ryan is shocked now. I’m guessing he’s the kind of guy who gets shocked a lot. He was probably shocked the first time he found out McDonalds stops serving breakfast at 10:30. And he was likely just as shocked to learn the McRib isn’t on the permanent menu. I wonder if he was shocked when the greatest quarterback to ever play the game wasn’t sidestepped at all by Ryan’s hollow attempts at intimidating him.
Meanwhile, as everyone from Roger Goodell to Joe Buck was rooting for Brett Favre and the Vikings to make it to Miami, how fitting was it that ultimately the Saints were the ones who benefited the most from Favre’s return to football? Indy against New Orleans, now this is the game the league wanted. Well at least it was the game they wanted a month ago anyway.
In making their escape from “Revis Island” the Colts will travel to their 2nd Super Bowl in 4 years. And while they’re in South Beach they’ll likely do the typical tourist stuff. You know- dip their toes in the Atlantic, eat at a chain restaurant and buy some shirts with “Team of the Decade” airbrushed on them from some cheap stand on the strip.
But the Colts franchise won’t be the only ones seeking Lady Destiny. For quite some time now Peyton Manning has been courting the title “Greatest Quarterback Ever”. Now it would appear the two are soon to be joined at the hip. Probably on the beach by some preacher/used car salesman who charges by the hour.
So the Colts have galloped their way into another Super Bowl. And now, in the absence of locker room controversy, spoiled superstars frothing at the mouth and prima donna quarterbacks, the mass media will have to find a way to sell the Colts to those living in the TMZ world.
In such uncertain economic times as these, if anything, Indy’s win goes a long way towards filling the sails of Hoosiers for another year. To be clear this was a big win. Bigger than Rex Ryan’s mouth and bigger than his headset. Bigger than the plate of crow he ate Monday and bigger than the list of things that shock him. And if Ryan was shocked at his team’s loss Sunday, just wait till he sees the price of Prime Rib in South Beach.