When Dr. Jack is involved, you know you've got problems

First appeared on November 4th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Someone get Dr. Jack on the phone. Apparently the nation is ready to pull the plug on baseball. Instant replay on home run calls was bad enough but now that everyone has come to the realization that Major League Umpires are in fact human, and not battery operated humanoids created by Japanese schoolboys with idle time on their hands, most are ready to supplant the judgment of the umpire with the technology of instant replay.
Bringing more instant replay to baseball however smacks of America giving up. Giving up on 150 years of history, giving up on umpires and giving up on the eternal struggle of man vs. computer. If movies like Artificial Intelligence have taught us anything, other than sometimes straight to video is a good thing, it’s that often more technology only muddies the water.
The real question to be asked here is why more replay and why now? Since when do we as Americans give up so easily? It’s entirely possible the current clamor for replay is a product of our long history as a progressive nation of inventors. Was it not us after all who found a way to build a car that could rust in the showroom? Were we satisfied by the convenience of TV dinners? No, we invented the Lunchable for those too lazy to use a microwave.
It would appear the only motivation for using more replay now is to sock the mouths of those whining for it. But while instant replay may bring us slow motion looks in high definition; what will it really solve? Technology or not, a human being will still make the final call at the end of the day. Using instant replay in baseball now would be like building a chair for the Statue of Liberty. Just because we can doesn’t mean it’s necessary; Lady Liberty has been standing fine on her own for 120 years after all.
The cold hard truth is that ours is an imperfect world. Much to their chagrin, the Umpire has long stood as the much heckled mascot of imperfection. This just in- man is not perfect, for evidence see every President since Theodore Roosevelt or simply ask my wife. So a few bad playoff calls have the natives restless. It isn’t totally surprising, as a society we’ve grown accustomed to being bailed out whenever we appear incapable of solving our own problems; I blame Batman, and the Chinese.
So rest safe ye fans of the rosin bag, unlimited time outs and stepping out of the batters box to tighten those batting gloves- replay will certainly slow baseball down even more. This won’t sit well with the younger demographic; which baseball views as an insurance policy. The last thing viewers accustomed to seeing dirt bikes turning somersaults 75 feet off the ground want to sit through is three foul ball replay reviews during the same at bat.
For the rest of us, the delays that replay will bring to Baseball will simply provide more opportunities to make trips to the kitchen, check our email or perhaps build an all-seasons room off the back of the house.
Baseball’s rich history is full of magical moments. There are no controversial calls clouding our memories of America’s game. Be it the Willie Mays catch in centerfield or Kirk Gibson’s pinch hit homer, it’s magical moments like these that we remember. The very reason we watch centers around the chance of witnessing another historic moment. As dramatic as baseball can be, magical moments aren’t so magical when we have to sit around and wait for the replay.