NCAA Mascots Get no Respect

First appeared on March 18th, 2009
in The Lebanon Reporter

Basketball Mardi Gras is upon us once more and, with so much failure in our rearview mirror, we’ve decided to approach this whole choosing teams for our NCAA brackets a bit differently. This year instead of focusing on seeding we considered only mascots. After all, the mascot is, perhaps, the most underestimated and overlooked factor in modern bracketology.
Forget strength of schedule and power rankings, the selection committee dropped the ball by ignoring mascots. Looking at mascot matchups posed complex questions like what would happen if a Lumberjack really had to fight an Orangeman? Would this even be fair since one is armed with an axe and the other is simply an anthropomorphic version of a popular breakfast fruit? Perhaps even more interesting is the match up pitting Cal Northridge and Memphis; seriously- what if a Matador actually stepped into the ring to fight a Tiger? Now that would be some real March Madness (note to PETA this is merely a frivolous column and not meant to be an open invitation for teenagers to stage a man v. Tiger fight for You Tube). And of course, since Owls are nocturnal, will Temple not be at a distinct disadvantage when facing the Sun Devils of Arizona State?
While it must be said we have never before given such consideration to the mascot before, this year’s field is as diverse and unique as we’ve ever seen. Thirty-five schools pay tribute to some type of flora or fauna (bear in mind we were unable to confirm what a Flyer, Ute, Highlander or Zip was). Out of these, three pay homage to bears and one to bearcats. Overall cats seemed a popular choice considering there are nine schools with mascots of the feline genus in the tournament; though interestingly enough none chose to go the domesticated house cat route when choosing their standard bearer.
With Devils of both the Blue and Sun persuasions in the field evidently religion is a popular choice this year as well. Of course in a futile effort to counterbalance things the committee saw fit to give some Deacons a dance (probably not the best choice of words we know) card as well, though it should be noted they are named the “Demon Deacons” as an aged frail man in a frock alone is apparently not enough to strike fear in the hearts of opponents. Texas A&M and Utah State are both represented by the Aggie, which we were always under the impression was something belonging to the goat or sheep family, but apparently is instead simply a student enrolled in an agricultural school; which of course is not nearly as intimidating or interesting.
So as we worked our way through the bracket we found the Cardinals cracked the Buckeyes open only to be inhaled by the Wildcats in helpless fashion a round later. History repeated itself as the Spartans defeated the Trojans once more while the Fighting Illini were finally able to push back those land stealing Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky. Our Sweet Sixteen is comprised of ten schools with cat mascots (proving “King of the Jungle” still carries some weight) but, in the end, we decided nobody stands a chance against the North Dakota State Bison (after all could anybody really stop a stampeding herd of these guys?).
What all this means of course is absolutely nothing. The smart money rests not on seeds, RPI or mascots, but rather upon choosing whatever schools you want anyway. The best part is no matter how bad our brackets look we still have wall to wall basketball to look forward to!