Viva la World Cup

First appeared on February 18th, 2008
in The Lebanon Reporter

To be honest we know as much about soccer as Tom Daschle apparently does about filling out a 1040 EZ. Outside of there is only one goalie and you can’t touch the ball with your hands, we have nothing else to add to any intelligent discussion on the sport. This being said, something compelled us to tune in to the recent World Cup qualifier pitting the U.S. versus Mexico.
It was clear this match up was huge because ESPN repeatedly broadcast this fact and, not to mention, it was being held in Columbus, Ohio. Now, while it is a beautiful town, Columbus just doesn’t strike us as the international sports capital of the United States. Apparently, to convince congressional Republicans the stimulus will work, Democrats should recruit the guy who sold FIFA on holding a soccer match outdoors in the middle of February, in Ohio.
This match up quickly became much more than a battle of two soccer teams; it was a clash of cultures. It was the battle of sombreros versus sweat-stained baseball caps. The battle of the taco versus fried anything on a stick. Chihuahuas versus American Bulldogs (don’t mistake that for an endorsement of dog fighting), Corona versus Budweiser and Vincente Fox versus George W. Bush.
ESPN would have had us believe it would be a seminal moment comparable to Zachary Taylor’s victory at Buena Vista during the Mexican-American War. Zachary Taylor? You know, 12th President of these United States? “Old Rough and Ready”? The man who beat Lewis Cass (of Lewis Cass High School fame) in the election of 1848? The man who won the presidency despite having never voted in an election before? Nothing?
There are 6 teams in the USA’s pool for World Cup qualifying. From what we could gather, these 6 teams will play 10 games of round robin (home and away). The top 3 teams from this pool will move on to face the other qualifiers in the 2010 World Cup being held in South Africa.
Evidently the World Cup is a big deal (like a 700 million viewers worldwide kind of big deal). To put it into perspective, during a 2007 trip to South Africa we found people raving about their turn at hosting the event in 2010. Billboards had been erected and paraphernalia was for sale everywhere even though no soccer team or fans would be showing up for another three years. The equivalent here would be seeing Super Bowl gear for sale today touting Indy’s 2012 game.
After our first soccer match we can draw a few conclusions about the sport. With so much to decipher (stoppage time, free kicks, red and yellow cards) the only thing we can say with certainty is that soccer mirrors life in that time stops for nobody. When Michael Bradley scored the first goal for the American’s at the 43 minute mark, the clock continued to run while he celebrated with his teammates.
Soccer fans are notoriously rabid and now we understand why. Spectators spend so much time waiting for a goal they literally begin to go mad, drooling with anticipation. Goals are so rare the prospect of seeing one becomes a mythical scenario not unlike the Lochness Monster or universal health care. Like hunters using a duck call, fans spend most of the match attempting to capture the elusive goal by luring the ball into their net with near constant air horn blasts. Experts have the U.S. already qualifying and, powered by two goals from Bradley, the team took their first steps towards South Africa by notching a 2-0 victory over Mexico.