Big Issues for the Big Ten

First appeared on October 16, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

Dear College Football Experts,

Hello, my name is the Big Ten Conference. Recently, I’ve heard a lot about these so-called glaring deficiencies destined to send me spiraling down a path towards humiliation and national disgrace. I’ll be honest, it’s a lot to take, this constant belittling and the nonstop comparisons to the other power conferences. And I’m not afraid to admit that one coping mechanism my therapist suggested was reaching out to you so that we might find common ground.

I guess I’ll start by facing the elephant in the room. Just exactly why do you hate me? I believe that being the oldest conference in Division One sports should account for something. Where I come from, a place where God fearing people still have faith in Washington and families eat meals with the television off, we respect our elders.

So you’ve got some newfangled four team playoff system you’re shoving down everyone’s throats and somehow I’m supposed to be a major player in it. And now that my preseason Heisman candidate is done for the year and none of my teams can seem to keep pace with the best of the SEC, the sports world wants to look down their collective noses at me? Awesome.

Let’s not forget, I never pretended to be the football power conference you made me out to be. After all, how can anyone expect me to compete when I don’t get the best recruits money can buy? And, yes that was meant to be a literal cliché. Besides, my students have been busy doing amazing things off the grid iron. Things like becoming President, walking on the moon and being Cindy Crawford.

See, in the Big Ten we’re about tradition. Traditions like the Old Oaken Bucket, Paul Bunyan’s Axe and repeatedly coming up short in National Championship games. That last part might be what my therapist refers to as a ‘Freudian slip’. At any rate, when people say we need to care more about your four team playoff system or find new ways to evolve because we’ve fallen behind, we just smile and wave because that’s how we in the Midwest were taught to deal with criticism.

As the proud parent of 14 beautiful institutions, it’s very hard to sit by idly while you drag my family through the mud. When you’re left to play god with college football by telling us who can and can’t participate in your four team dog and pony show, the result will be counterproductive.

You’ll unintentionally breed an entire generation of fans who long for the unattainable spotlight, thus trivializing the accomplishments of those regional schools they follow. In other words, not everyone can be Gerald Ford, Neil Armstrong and Cindy Crawford, so why not learn to celebrate joy in your own life where it exists? Don’t worry, I won’t charge you $75 an hour for that advice.

So yes, I’m writing you today to concede I’m old fashioned. However, I’m also loyal at the same time. And while these things may fall flat with the cool kids and won’t qualify me for your four team playoff, over the years they’ve garnered the support of throngs of diehard fans. Fans who consider themselves part of a larger family. And you, with your panel of experts and supercomputers that have never tailgated before a game at “The Big House”, will never understand what we dinosaurs in the Midwest came to realize a long time ago. That time with family will always carry you further than the spotlight of any national stage possibly could.

Yours truly,

The Big Ten Conference


© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Now that they're awake, Hoosier fans want more

First appeared on September 24, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

The state of football in Bloomington and West Lafayette is exceptionally unclear. And by “exceptionally unclear” here we mean something on the level of the leader of a world power admitting to his constituency that he doesn’t have a plan for one of the largest threats currently facing the world.

And while ISIS has been busy conquering land in the Middle East few cared about or lived on anyway, Darrell Hazell and Kevin Wilson seemed to be in a footrace for the unemployment line. All this changed Saturday when Wilson’s Hoosiers upset nationally ranked Missouri on the road. One win a job doesn’t save, but it does buy him a heck of a lot more rope and propels Hazel into a clear lead. And while it’s a race Darrell Hazel doesn’t want to win, at this point he seems willing and able to take a win wherever he can find it.

The Hoosiers should be 3-0. Instead a disappointing loss at Bowling Green sends them into Big Ten play with a 2-1 record. And while they won’t play Wisconsin this year (this is the point in the column where Badger fans will pause to lament waiting another year for their chance to set an NCAA single game rushing record), the Big Ten schedule won’t be easy either.

Still Indiana will play two programs, Ohio State and Michigan, which appear to be in full-fledged free-fall mode. Throw in North Texas and Hazell’s Boilermakers and what you have is a group that seems to offer three winnable games for the Hoosiers. Especially if their defense is going to consistently perform at the level they reached Saturday.

And while Kevin Wilson seems to have several arrows aligned, there still remains little to no buzz surrounding his program. This likely speaks more to the coach than his football team. In the 21st century a head coach, especially one daring enough to wade into college athletics, needs to be have an enormous business card.

They’re expected to have more than just a great mind for the game. They need to be charismatic masters of time management. They need to be innovative and creative, well schooled in their discipline as well as polished speakers and, in what few hours are left in a day, attempt to be a father figure to dozens of young men. They are one part expert in their sport, three parts used car salesman.

By setting 22 school records in three short years, Kevin Wilson has proven himself an offensive genius, but he falls well short of the mark in salesmanship (see asking the band to stop playing during offensive possessions). He rode the wave any coaching change creates, but has done little to endear himself to Hoosier fans since. Of course, winning changes everything; especially when nationally ranked teams are involved.

Still, this is Wilson’s first major win in three years which is why Hoosier fans still can’t be certain what they have. The elephant in the room has long been defining success for football in Bloomington. Wilson’s teams have been ultra-competitive with the best in the conference (the lone, glaring exception being Wisconsin), but they’ve also looked disconnected and disinterested against teams they should beat by 30.

In the end, all Saturday likely did was stir drowsy Indiana fans from their slumber. And now that they’re awake, they’re left to decide if posting 500 yards and 6 touchdowns in a three point loss is enough to keep them coming back. Or do they long for more? And if it’s more they want, is Kevin Wilson the man for the job?

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Cracks are forming in Goodell's Empire

First appeared on September 10, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

So Commisar Goodell has orchestrated the start of another NFL season. And as the shield reigns supreme over the landscape of professional sports, the good Commisar considers it all from his reviewing stand, looking surly and sublime. By the millions the masses, foam fingers flailing, faces painted and clad in Manziel jerseys, throw themselves daily at his feet begging for more.

His face is the picture of confidence, yet even the Gruden-like scowl he casts down upon the little people cannot drown out the whispers. Cracks are forming. Tiny fissures in the massive wall he’s so cautiously and callously erected around his kingdom are beginning to form.

There are many examples throughout history of empires outgrowing their reach, overestimating their power and falling upon their own sword. The Romans, Mongolians and America are but a few examples that immediately leap to mind. But the sun always shines in Commisar Goodell’s empire, for when it doesn’t, he simply changes his mind, or the rules.

Ripples of discontent first began forming when the Ravens’ Ray Rice was only given two games for assaulting his girlfriend. Storm clouds roiled when a few popular players were given longer suspensions for failed drug tests, toss in more rules in an already over-legislated sport and what you have is Perestroika all over again.

And as we loyally toil in the shadow of his greatness, Goodell’s heavy handed manner has turned inconsistent and his incessant tinkering with the rules of a game, already the most popular in North America, have left many wondering if he isn’t approaching the land of megalomania (and by many here we mean me, and you should you happen to agree).

The hailstorm of penalty flags we saw early in the preseason created an impressive stir considering they were thrown in meaningless games only season ticket holders and those in the Witness Protection Program were actually watching. And yet almost immediately they were silenced, as if Goodell himself had sent the league’s head of officiating on a media blitz of Siberia in order to assume control of rule enforcement himself.
Still it does appear more rules have been added to give Manning, Brady and Brees the best opportunity to continue obliterating NFL passing records. At the same time the changes conveniently bolster the chances of the greatest quarterback in NFL history scoring another title.

But all of this was forgotten Monday when Goodell changed his mind in the face of new evidence and suspended Rice indefinitely. The decision unleashed a torrent of negative reaction which could potentially become a tidal wave capable of destroying the entire infrastructure of his empire.

In the 1960’s the Communist Party of China pushed Mao Zedong aside when they feared he’d lost the people’s trust. If that’s the route we have to go to save football, John Madden seems the logical choice for a Liu Shaoqi-type figurehead puppet. That way, instead the blathering semi-apologies and incredibly shortsighted suspensions Goodell has given us, we’d get a “Boom! Pow!” or at the very least we'd have plenty of roasted turkey to go around.

For now the NFL remains king. The game has made instant replay cool, put some serious lipstick on rotisserie baseball and lined the pockets of every agent and small time bookie from Oxnard to Old Town. And while we haven’t reached the point where Goodell’s picture is hung above every locker room and his diary required reading for all 32 teams, the Commissar does loom large over his league for the time being. Still it would seem even Goodell, as polished and powerful as he may be, has chosen a path that could lead him to the point of no return.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Climb down from the ledges Ye Pacer Fans

First appeared on August 7, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

Paul George’s injury in the fourth quarter of a Team USA scrimmage last week set in motion a string of dominoes that, for better or worse, are still falling as we speak. Maybe it’s the fact George is such a promising star, maybe it’s the fact the injury was so horrific it made Kevin Ware and Joe Theismann both wince uncomfortably, or maybe it’s just late July, early August and there is nothing, absolutely and positively nothing, for sports writers and the talking heads to write or talk about.

Late July to early August is when Americans feign an interest in baseball, most big name sports analysts go on vacation and newspaper editors turn to their most talented part time pretend sports columnists to make it seem as though frog jumping contests are so compelling they deserve an audience wider than just ten year olds or men with two first names.

Enter a rising star, the cornerstone of his franchise, playing for his country in an already controversial Olympic system that allows professional athletes to compete in an arena traditionally reserved for amateurs. Throw in a compound fracture captured on film and you have the makings of great fodder.

Desperate times call for people to bust out their own personal agendas. For Mark Cuban it’s suddenly about respecting the fact professional athletes are commodities. For Team USA it’s about promoting the fact professional athletes are commodities who care about their country and for the players participating it’s about generating exposure to become a more marketable commodity. But let’s not get tangled up in the economics of it all.

This is more about the avalanche of speculation and negative reaction, both of which have reached a predictably fevered pitch given the timing. This simply means Pacers Fans need to take a collective step back from the proverbial ledge and remember one small detail so many seem to be overlooking. Despite the unfortunate nature of the accident, Paul George is still alive.

Obviously I’m not qualified to weigh in on the prognosis of George’s injury considering I’m not a doctor. I’m not an NBA Insider or classically trained journalist either, which simply proves America is the greatest country on Earth. Still, people need to stop talking about Paul George as if he has died. They also need to stop talking as if we can climb into the WABAC Machine and tell him to sit the fourth quarter out. Mr. Peabody isn’t walking through that door anytime soon, which means Pacers fans need to stop friend requesting every American named Sherman and shift their focus to what happens moving forward.

To be as completely unclear as possible, wholesale changes to the Pacers roster are not necessary, however they shouldn’t be considered totally removed from the realm of possibility either. Aside from the glaring fact George is in no way eulogy material, he’s also yet to reach his prime production years.

Only in his mid- twenties, George’s window for competing at a high level is so wide open even the average American could still squeeze through it. This means if we do see the Pacers brass dismantling this roster, there should be no panic. If Indiana chooses to retool, they still have a franchise player coming back in 2015; one who should do so at a high level.

While the sum of it all is maddeningly incalculable, the facts are somewhat clearer. Paul George has a long road ahead to make it back and the Pacers front office has went from having some really big decisions to make to having a lot more really big decisions to make.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Upon Further Review: Lance Will Be Missed

First appeared on July 18, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

Lance Stephenson’s signing with the Charlotte Hornets, or Bobcats, or Hornets again, whatever they've decided to call themselves this season, generated almost no buzz whatsoever. Considering it is the deadest sports week of the year, this must leave those in the Stephenson camp feeling somewhat inadequate; like a 'let's go buy a monster truck and cut the tailpipe off it and accelerate loudly through a retirement village trying to scare people' kind of inadequate'.

This in the wake of LeBron’s decision to return to Cleveland, one broadcast in 195 different countries and every planet from Earth to the one Vladimir Putin calls home. Meanwhile, Charlotte is bracing for Stephenson’s arrival as if he were Hurricane Lance instead of a mercurial, multi-talented guard who does nothing but play hard, agitate opponents and do his physical best to run through walls on a nightly basis.

And while only a loon would ever argue fans owe professional athletes anything, in this case one small exception should be made. And before you get started, it’s not about cars and gold watches and chains or free beer vouchers for the State Fair, though I’m sure this would be welcomed by even the craziest of loons.

In this case let us offer a kind-hearted “Thank you”. Thank you Lance, for being the junkyard dog. Thank you for caring in those times it appeared many of your teammates had forgotten the basic fundamentals of team basketball or the definition of the word 'compete'. Thank you for the triple doubles and spectacular finishes at the rim. Thank you for your goofy All Star video and your ‘never, ever, no matter what happens will I ever back down’ attitude.

While I’m at it, we probably owe you an apology for any Ron Artest comparisons you’ve endured. For all practical purposes, your actions never warranted those. People considered your roots and the things you were perceived to be capable of while passing judgment. You played for a franchise whose greatest player was renowned for flashing choke signs and is run by the NBA’s single greatest trash talker of all time; so if giving a choke sign and blowing in someone’s ear are the worst things you do in life, kudos.

For some, Lance’s departure is a somber moment. Don't confuse this with a eulogy for the Pacers title chances for that will come in November if they plan to head into next season with the current roster. Heart, toughness and playmaking are just three things the Pacers will lack in Stephenson’s absence.

Few can argue there were instances where the ball stuck in his hands. Despite this, nearly every time the Pacers appeared rudderless, Lance was the only one who consistently tried his best to right the ship. He was a hard-nosed, high energy guy and that’s not something many in the NBA can boast on a resume.

It would seem we’ve been all too quick to forget the times the Pacers were booed off the floor last year (see being down 30 to Atlanta in the first half). In those games, Stephenson was by himself playing his brains out. He was a wild stallion who did his best to stay in the stall, who fought the urge to go ‘all out playground’ on opponents and tried as best he could to operate within the framework of Frank Vogel’s system; though we all witnessed how extremely difficult this was for him at times.

So now he’s left for greener pastures. And though a max contract guy he may never be, he was an important piece of the Pacer puzzle and one that must be replaced with another gutty playmaker. If this can’t be done, then the remaining roster has to be reshuffled. Either way, if the Pacers plan to contend in the East again, then their off season must be far from over.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

How Soccer finally gained its U.S. citizenship

First appeared on June 24, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

So the U.S. had Portugal on the ropes only to come up short. I say ‘short’ as a fan of the three big North American sports where to end in a tie remains a largely foreign concept (all apologies to the occasional NFL game and hockey, who will forever remain one rung above Disney on ice).
For those American’s still easing their way into the water, soccer can seem unnecessarily complicated. Red cards, yellow cards and a vaguely accurate extended period of play known as stoppage time all serve to muddy their understanding of the game.

Not to mention the fact the United States couldn’t dominate Portugal in the way the U.S. should dominate Portugal in absolutely everything known to man. Lowly Portugal, who’ve given what to the world in the last 200 years? The list is predictably short and is highlighted by cork production and the invention of the pre-paid mobile phone card. Certainly not on the same level as the car, airplane, computer or "Jersey Shore".

Still the World Cup finally appears to be making inroads in the United States. Part of this movement lies in the unique way the tournament brings so many together. It is the great unifier. Be it a local bar, gathering at ones house or public viewing party, when it comes to the World Cup at least, everyone finds themselves on the same team; save the stray exchange student or vociferous ex-pat snarking at those knuckle-dragging Americans only now waking to the allure of the draw.

For the longest time Americans couldn’t wrap their bulbous heads around the fact half the world is actually watching this thing, preferring instead to pretend half the world is far too busy marveling at the innovation and sophistication of Americans to ever have enough free time to watch sports on television.

Many Americans are beginning to see the World Cup for what it is however. The pageantry of the SuperBowl and nationalism of the Olympics combined with the kind of over-the-top acting generally reserved for a poorly directed production of community theatre. The real question begs however, as far as the U.S. sports consumer is concerned, has soccer finally arrived?

From the inception of the MLS down to the Indy Eleven, a burgeoning nationwide youth system and the fact the tiny 1A school I attended many moons ago, one where football has long been king, has finally formed a soccer club, all signs point to yes.

Considering socialized medicine, the death of imperialism and the rise of soccer, it would seem we as Americans have a history of arriving late to the all the best parties. With a national hysteria over the ending of the match with Portugal and the fevered anticipation of a faceoff with Germany that could propel us out of the vaunted Group of Death, soccer suddenly finds itself part of the national lexicon.

So it would appear the time has come to elbow Germany and England aside and assume our place at the trough. On the surface it’s a match made in heaven, for Bernie Madoff and those in the FIFA front office should hit it off smashingly.

So for all those years spent largely ignoring the World Cup. All those who gawked in bewilderment at Euro League jerseys tootling about the malls and theme parks of America. All the backyard fortune tellers espousing so passionately how “It’s catching on” or “One of these days it’ll be huge”. Mark this date on your calendars sports fans for, as far as American culture is concerned, it would seem soccer has finally arrived.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Jordan vs. James? Far Too Early For That

First appeared on June 12, 2014 in
The Lebanon Reporter

While San Antonio surges towards the fifth Title of the Gregg Popovich era, the talking heads are at it again. Creating news amidst a Finals devoid of sexy storylines. As the Spurs clinic on team basketball continues chugging towards the land of Larry O’Brien, the media yawns, rubs its eyes and turns its focus towards LeBron’s place in history. Is it time to say he’s better than Jordan?

The real problem is San Antonio. Their stars seem to enjoy playing together, their star in waiting appears to relish his role in the shadows and their head coach is about as quotable as Michelangelo’s David. Rare have we seen a blander shade of vanilla in Professional Basketball.

But the noise, oh the noise, noise, noise! Lebron James can’t fight through cramps. He’s the softest 6’8-280 the sports world has ever seen. Wait a minute, Miami won? LeBron is the best player in the world! Better dare we say than the man himself? Is LeBron James better than Michael Jordan? It’s a tantalizing debate indeed, and one those born in the 1980’s or after need to see their way out of immediately. To fully appreciate what Michael Jordan accomplished you had to be doing something other than filling your drawers and living bottle to bottle in the 80’s (insert poorly crafted Gary Busey joke here).

Secondly, all those closeted Bulls fans from the 90’s need to stand down as well. Those who were once so rabid and widespread, but have somehow largely disappeared, or simply grown too round to fit into their jackets, hats and jerseys anymore. The only people qualified to weigh in on this topic are truly objective basketball fans, or those who grew up despising Jordan, embraced an “NBA Small Market Conspiracy Theory” when the Lakers defeated the Pacers in the Finals and eventually found a gig as a Part-Time-Pretend-Sports Columnist.

Now that we have our panelist, let’s continue. As of this exact moment, Michael Jordan is the best basketball player this universe has ever seen (and yes, that includes the planet Lovetron). Perseverance is the first characteristic that sets MJ apart from LeBron. On his way to six titles, Jordan’s Bulls lost their first three playoff series before experiencing three straight season ending losses to the Pistons (once in the Conference Semis and twice in the Conference Finals).

Enter Exhibit A. Michael Jordan didn’t sulk his way into free agency. He didn’t shudder and quit in the face of elimination and he didn’t recruit other superstars to help him get to the top. Jordan went back to work and became a stronger player, helping the Bulls defeat the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals the next season. This is perseverance and it’s a characteristic that separates Michael from LeBron. Advantage Jordan.

Exhibit B would be the Hall of Fame. When it’s all said and done, James will have played with no less than three Hall of Fame players (four if and when Chris Anderson is voted into the Street Performer and Carnival Worker Hall of Fame). Jordan’s six title teams fell well short of including four Hall of Fame players. Advantage Jordan.

Exhibit C would be Titles. Jordan has six, James two. Advantage Jordan. This is largely why expert witness Mark Jackson was careful to call James the “best small forward of all time” and not the “greatest of all time”. This is also why Jordan has no reaction when people call James the greatest. MJ knows facts are facts and right now the facts clearly show LeBron james, while amazing and seemingly inhuman, must bolster his resume to eclipse Jordan.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams