Cracks are forming in Goodell's Empire

First appeared on September 10, 2014
in The Lebanon Reporter

So Commisar Goodell has orchestrated the start of another NFL season. And as the shield reigns supreme over the landscape of professional sports, the good Commisar considers it all from his reviewing stand, looking surly and sublime. By the millions the masses, foam fingers flailing, faces painted and clad in Manziel jerseys, throw themselves daily at his feet begging for more.

His face is the picture of confidence, yet even the Gruden-like scowl he casts down upon the little people cannot drown out the whispers. Cracks are forming. Tiny fissures in the massive wall he’s so cautiously and callously erected around his kingdom are beginning to form.

There are many examples throughout history of empires outgrowing their reach, overestimating their power and falling upon their own sword. The Romans, Mongolians and America are but a few examples that immediately leap to mind. But the sun always shines in Commisar Goodell’s empire, for when it doesn’t, he simply changes his mind, or the rules.

Ripples of discontent first began forming when the Ravens’ Ray Rice was only given two games for assaulting his girlfriend. Storm clouds roiled when a few popular players were given longer suspensions for failed drug tests, toss in more rules in an already over-legislated sport and what you have is Perestroika all over again.

And as we loyally toil in the shadow of his greatness, Goodell’s heavy handed manner has turned inconsistent and his incessant tinkering with the rules of a game, already the most popular in North America, have left many wondering if he isn’t approaching the land of megalomania (and by many here we mean me, and you should you happen to agree).

The hailstorm of penalty flags we saw early in the preseason created an impressive stir considering they were thrown in meaningless games only season ticket holders and those in the Witness Protection Program were actually watching. And yet almost immediately they were silenced, as if Goodell himself had sent the league’s head of officiating on a media blitz of Siberia in order to assume control of rule enforcement himself.
Still it does appear more rules have been added to give Manning, Brady and Brees the best opportunity to continue obliterating NFL passing records. At the same time the changes conveniently bolster the chances of the greatest quarterback in NFL history scoring another title.

But all of this was forgotten Monday when Goodell changed his mind in the face of new evidence and suspended Rice indefinitely. The decision unleashed a torrent of negative reaction which could potentially become a tidal wave capable of destroying the entire infrastructure of his empire.

In the 1960’s the Communist Party of China pushed Mao Zedong aside when they feared he’d lost the people’s trust. If that’s the route we have to go to save football, John Madden seems the logical choice for a Liu Shaoqi-type figurehead puppet. That way, instead the blathering semi-apologies and incredibly shortsighted suspensions Goodell has given us, we’d get a “Boom! Pow!” or at the very least we'd have plenty of roasted turkey to go around.

For now the NFL remains king. The game has made instant replay cool, put some serious lipstick on rotisserie baseball and lined the pockets of every agent and small time bookie from Oxnard to Old Town. And while we haven’t reached the point where Goodell’s picture is hung above every locker room and his diary required reading for all 32 teams, the Commissar does loom large over his league for the time being. Still it would seem even Goodell, as polished and powerful as he may be, has chosen a path that could lead him to the point of no return.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Memo to Colts fans: Its the end of a season as we know it, not the world

First appeared on February 10th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

OK Colt’s fans, so you lost the Super Bowl. So what? Now’s not the time to go all George Bailey on the world, perching yourself on the side of a bridge while hoping for a guardian angel to talk you down. Heck, even if Clarence did show up, with your luck he’d probably be a Saints fan anyway. Its days like these, moments like Sunday night that inspired somebody to quip “These are the times that try sports fans souls” (or something like that).
So you’ve holed up with the shade pulled for three days now and the décor of your home resembles something out of the pages of a “Design by Oscar Madison” catalog. You roll over to greet another day smashing half-eaten sticky buns into your mattress and trying in vain to wash the Go Colts! temporary tattoo from your cheek. Fear not loyal fan for yours is merely a chance lost- not forever gone.
The glass is half full here folks. You still have a superstar quarterback and one of the most talented teams in professional football. This is not the Titanic. Let’s don’t lose sight of the obvious here, even though the Colts have an uncanny way of making things look easy, winning the Super Bowl is one of the hardest things to do in professional sports.
So you felt good after watching that 96 yard touchdown drive in the first quarter, you know the one that tied the longest in Super Bowl history and actually ended just a few moments ago? Then somewhere between that valiant goal line stand and the on-side kick to start the second half, life changed. Uncle Mo took traded his Manning jersey in for some Mardi Gras beads and joined the Who-Dat Nation permanently. If only the Colts would have had Betty White at the bottom of that pile when the on-side kick caught them with their pants down, perhaps then Bill Polian would have a Lombardi trophy for each hand.
Of course, five minutes after the game, the mass media pendulum had returned to the “Manning is great but not the greatest” argument. Despite the fact that he’ll shatter nearly every passing record and win more games than an entire divisions- worth of quarterbacks will win in a lifetime- somehow he still manages to float in and out of fancy amongst the talking heads of the sports world with relative ease.
But as great as Manning is, the Saints were better for one night. For one night they were more prepared, took more chances and played like they belonged there when NOBODY had given them a puncher’s chance. Truth is they have a talented quarterback, underrated defense, self-admitted film junkie for a head coach and play with an enormous chip on their shoulders as a whole.
Perhaps my 2 year old said it best when he called it the “Pooper Bowl”. We laughed at him for 3 quarters and then, strangely enough, found ourselves agreeing with him by the end. Well, Pooper Bowl or not, it’s been 10 years since the Pacers played for a championship, 8 since the Hoosiers had a chance (20 since their last win) and as for Purdue, well perhaps it’s best we just leave them out of this equation entirely. The point here is, win lose or draw- relish the moment. Celebrate the opportunity. After all some good did come of the Colts loss. At least the children of the Marshall Islands will be sporting some really good looking Super Bowl Champion T-Shirts for years to come. Who said this game isn’t global?