Tom Crean is a Cockroach

First appeared on March 11, 2016
in The Lebanon Reporter

People ask all the time if I’ve ever killed a man. The answer is fairly obvious, considering the life of a part time pretend sports columnist isn’t all glitz and glamor. Sometimes we have to roll our sleeves up and do some dangerous work; things normally reserved for ninjas, trained assassins or Mexican plastic surgeons who work out of motel bathrooms.

Take last year for example, I killed Tom Crean after his team was bounced from the second round of the NCAA Tournament by Wichita State. He was done, the end of the line. After failing to get a team with two lottery picks past the Sweet Sixteen, missing the tournament the next season and then being routinely booed at Assembly Hall while coaching his team to an early exit from the NCAA Tournament, there was nowhere left to hide.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending upon who you are, Tom Crean is a cockroach; you simply can’t kill him. The coach of the Hoosiers is, in the immortal words of Frank Costanza, like a phoenix “rising from Arizona”. After a disastrous trip to the Aloha State, Crean returned, retooled and reprogramed his squad. In November, getting the Hoosiers to play defense would have been a lot like getting Donald Trump to admit he has a weakness. A weakness other than his massive dependency upon both hair product and the availability of mirrors of course.

Since Maui however, the Hoosiers have tightened their collective belts and dedicated themselves to competing on both ends. What Crean has performed is a Today show make-over without the hair spray, wardrobe change, caked on eyeliner and entirely predictable reaction of the over-exuberant, male-ish intern. Indiana has simply been unrecognizable since mid-December and the result of this spectacular transformation was recently recognized when Crean became unanimous choice as Coach of the Year amongst Big Ten coaches and writers.

Gone is the stagnant 2-3 zone which guaranteed a wide open perimeter jumper in 30 seconds or less, gone are the pants that could never to seem to stay up without near constant encouragement, gone is the revolving door at the scorer’s table which fed a seemingly endless supply of line-up changes and player shuffling with no apparent rhyme, reason, pattern or strategy.

For the first time since being announced as the head coach of the Indiana Hoosiers, Tom Crean appears to be at peace with who he is. And who can blame him? His point guard is almost unstoppable, his team is destroying opponents and his critics have been forced to turn their attention elsewhere. Crean is more than just a cat that has burned through eight of his nine lives and he’s more than a blustery and unpopular world leader who’s somehow dodged numerous assassination attempts. Tom Crean is a good basketball coach and for the first time in a long time Hoosier nation appears to be warming to this idea.

Despite this, if Hoosier fans are treated to another frustratingly early exit, Crean will need help getting out of Bloomington. In fact, doing so will likely require more than the best Mexican plastic surgeon, including the one who promised to make Mexican drug-lord El Chapo look like Harrison Ford in his prime only to turn him into a paunchy, middle-aged, little league baseball coach with my uncle Frank’s mustache.
So the challenge lies ahead. Indiana fans are hungry for far more than a Big Ten Tournament title. Their eyes are on a much bigger prize. Coach of the Year and Big Ten Champs or not, it’s time for Tom Crean to deliver in the NCAA Tournament.

© 2016 Eric Walker Williams

A rivalry for the ages

First appeared on February 25, 2016
in The Lebanon Reporter

It’s Sunday morning in the coffee shop and the old crows are lined up at the counter squawking about Saturday night’s game.
“Know why Indiana University got rid of Water Polo?” Lester asks, forearms sprawled out on the counter.

“Why’s that?” Earl answers, blowing steam from his coffee.
“All their horses drowned.”

So another installment of the greatest college basketball rivalry in the state of Indiana is over and what have we learned that we didn’t already know? Indiana is an amazing three point shooting team and Purdue loves to beat people up inside. The Boilers can’t make shots outside of the paint and the Hoosiers struggle to maintain defensive intensity.

Saturday night marked a massive opportunity for both. Boiler Head Coach Matt Painter hoped to derail his group’s sojourn into the land of underachievement. Meanwhile Indiana’s Tom Crean needed another quality win to bolster his team’s resume and give sportswriters, real sportswriters mind you, reason to vote them higher than 22nd.

“Know what you call a pretty girl on Purdue’s campus?” Earl asks.
“What’s that?” Lester answers, spoon clanking while stirring up his sugar.
“A visitor.”

In the end the Hoosiers hung on, despite a furious comeback by their nemesis. But more than resumes and statement wins, this was about two seniors. Two players who thumbed their nose at the conventional wisdom that to stay four years means to kill your professional prospects.
In staying four years Yogi Ferrell and AJ Hammons did more than become better basketball players, they became legends amongst the diehards. Despite their impending graduations, both are primed to leave campus forever welding their legacies with greatness.
Ferrell came in as a lightning fast guard who could score the ball. He will leave as a top ten scorer and school’s all time assists leader, as well as being a more competitive defender whose not only stronger physically, but a stronger floor leader and all around basketball player.

“What’s the difference between Indiana’s basketball team and a mosquito?” Asks Lester.
“Reckon I don’t know.” Earl grumps.
“Mosquitos stop sucking at some point.”

Before landing in West Lafayette Hammons wasn’t a household name in recruiting circles. In four years under Painter’s guidance he’s gone from being an often-disinterested talent to one capable of completely dominating both ends of the court. By the end of his junior season Hammons had amassed 1,000 points, 600 rebounds and 250 assists, becoming just the third Big Ten player to do so since Ronald Reagan first won the White House.

And now both teams must move on. Purdue will try to regroup and focus on busting out of the funk that’s seen them drop four of their last eight. And, with a huge game in Iowa City looming, Indiana must avoid overlooking Illinois Thursday night. Indiana’s conference title hopes are alive and Purdue must work towards NCAA Tournament seeding.

“Know why Purdue’s golf course only has 14 holes?”
“’Spose I don’t.” Says Earl.
“Because a Boilermaker never gets to the Final Four.”

If anything, Saturday night served as a reminder of just how great this rivalry is. How alive and well it remains after enduring some trying times. Indiana and Purdue fans enjoying good natured ribbing at the expense of the other team is a tradition in the Hoosier state, a rite of passage. And at the end of the day, a good old fashioned rivalry can’t squelch that Hoosier Hospitality, for fans know life itself is bigger than any sport and no harm is meant. Wait a minute, I’ve got to go, Earl’s outside beating Lester like a rented mule again.

© 2016 Eric Walker Williams

IU and Purdue: Finally this game means something

First appeared on February 18, 2015
in The Lebanon Reporter

I grew up hating Purdue. And we're not talking your run of the mill spinach tastes like you’re licking the soiled lid of a Styrofoam bait cooler you found on the floor of your grandfather’s barn kind of hate. This was an "I don’t want you asking her out son, her family roots for Purdue" kind of hate. It was a "We’re not stopping the car to help that stranded motorist because God is punishing him for having a Purdue window cling" kind of hate.

But, as with most things, boiled spinach aside, tastes and perspectives change. Today I find myself pulling for the Boilers when they're not playing Indiana; though I haven't found the courage to share this news with my father yet. I imagine his disappointment mirroring the time I told him I didn’t need to take the SAT because I’d decided to become a Rodeo Clown.

Thursday night all bets are off. Thursday night there will be no moonlighting as a Boiler fan. Thursday night Indiana and Purdue will renew their rivalry once again in Bloomington, only this time there will be more than just pride on the line.

For the first time in a long time this game will actually mean something. It will be more than just two mediocre teams fighting to keep their heads above water while dying a slow death in the middle of the Big Ten pack. There is more than just bragging rights or revenge on the line. In short, this is the most important game in the history of the rivalry (or at least since they met in the 1980 NCAA Sweet 16).

It could be said the outcome of Thursday night’s game will alter the course of one of these programs forever. It could also be said blue is the new black and “Indiana General Assembly” is a synonym for out of touch, but those are columns for another time.

There are clear implications riding on Thursday night’s game. For the last 10-15 years the state of Indiana has provided the basketball world with some mega-talent and far too often these players have opted to venture outside her borders to attend school. With both programs struggling for solid footing in the recruiting world, Thursday night could mark an opportunity for Purdue to make a powerful statement to potential recruits.

Both schools also have an opportunity to earn one of the top four seeds in the Big Ten Tournament. Considering expansion has added two new teams to the conference and another round to the tournament, the double-bye the top four seeds are granted is destined to become a much coveted advantage. Beyond this, neither team is a surefire lock for the NCAA Tourney. Thursday night would go a long way in keeping Purdue’s hopes alive, while it could also open another gash in Indiana’s ship, which last we checked was still busy taking on water.

It could be argued the fate of both head coaches hangs in the balance as well. Should Crean get swept by an in-state rival on his way to another season that ends without tournament play, things in Bloomington could get ugly fast. Conversely it would appear Painter is already coaching for his life and a loss Thursday night could force his team into a kind of full blown “win the Big Ten Tournament or else” desperation mode.

So don’t fool yourself, while you won’t see any jackets tossed into the stands or chairs spinning across the floor, this is a huge game. And while Indiana probably won’t offer half-price seats to anyone leading a jackass in a Purdue hat through the turnstiles, don’t fool yourself, this game means everything.

© 2015 Eric Walker Williams

BEWARE: Bad Basketball Ahead

First appeared on December 11, 2014 in
The Lebanon Reporter

So David stood lock kneed and jaw set, stones in hand. Goliath loomed over him as the undefeated heavyweight champion of the Philistines, menacing scowl, bloodthirsty eyes and a frame large enough for ten men. And surely, at some point, David was thinking, “There’s no way this is going to work out.”

From the stands fish and loaves vendors wandered a sea of beige tunics as spectators stopped complaining about seven dollar hot dogs long enough to snort, “A rock? Really? Who brings a rock to fight Goliath?”

If you know the mascot of the New Jersey Institute of Technology (NJIT), Eastern Washington or North Florida then you should be pretending to be a sports columnist instead of me. And don’t worry, I’ve set the bar incredibly low so things should work out for you just fine. Of course what the NJIT Highlanders, North Florida Ospreys and Eastern Washington Eagles all have in common, other than the widespread publicity this column offers, is relative obscurity, entry level Division One status and the fact they’ve all beaten a Big Ten team this year.

The question isn’t how these schools can slay larger Division One programs, rather its why larger Division One programs continue playing these schools. Half of Indiana’s first ten opponents are so obscure and unknown their school names alone would challenge the most knowledgeable of U.S. geography buffs.

This in the name of 20 wins. And what does it really mean to win 20 games when half of them come against teams whose entire fan base could share the same Sprint Family Plan? Directional schools with names that appear to have been chosen by blindly dumping a Scrabble bag out and picking up the first four tiles to hit the table.

If college athletics is about television money, then someone needs to explain these tremendously weak out of conference schedules. Schedules that give us excruciating match ups that, excusing the random upset, generally spiral into glorified intra-squad scrimmages replete with terrible defense and a lifetimes worth of incomplete alley-oop passes. For their part the announcers do their best to spur viewer interest, digging up nuggets like the third cousin of the school’s first president was the man who sold John Wilkes Booth his fabled Philadelphia Deringer. Or they gush over the winning mentality the coach has instilled in his little program that could, this moments before the control room flashes his 143-287 record across the screen.

And don't rely on the coaches for they will only explain away their ridiculous schedules. They’re about exposure for former assistants or getting a player closer to home where they can play in front of friends and family. This comes as little consolation to fans. You know, the ones subjected to some really ugly games and truly bad basketball.

Justifying this scheduling is a fruitless endeavor. Some things are best left to discover on one’s own. For we adults this includes our faith and political persuasions, for three year olds it’s coming to the realization a toilet is in fact a germ magnet and not a giant empty bowl of Spaghettios or magic portal capable of producing Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny with each flush.

So NJIT stood toe to toe with mighty Michigan, just as David did so long ago. And while David’s victory would propel him to the throne, NJIT will most likely be forgotten before March arrives. What can’t be forgotten is the fact we as fans deserve more. We deserve a constitution of college basketball. One that guarantees equality amongst all schools and conferences, quality play and challenging match ups, or at the very least opponents we can find on a map.

© 2014 Eric Walker Williams

Hoosier odds are long, but are they Buster Douglas long?

First appeared on February 3rd, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

February 11th will mark the 20th anniversary of the night James “Buster” Douglas knocked Mike Tyson out to win the Heavyweight Championship of the World. Coming in a 42-1 underdog, Douglas left Tokyo having shocked the sports world and secured a place in boxing eternity.
Some believe the Indiana Hoosiers will face similar odds when the Purdue Boilermakers come to Assembly Hall Thursday night. The Boilers sprinted out to a 14-0 start and, after some part-time hack of a sports columnist cursed them by spotlighting their dominance in his writing, they proceeded to lose three straight. Now, after beating Wisconsin and drumming Penn State, it would seem they have righted the ship. Surely Boiler fans want nothing more (outside of a National Championship) than to hear the drumbeat continue Thursday night in Bloomington.
One could say with some certainty the Hoosier’s season to this point has been quite different. After letting a winnable game at home against Iowa get away, the Hoosiers controlled the second half Saturday at Illinois and played well enough to win, only to be beaten at the buzzer. So they’ve lost their top scorer, dropped an ugly game to Iowa and lost at the buzzer to Illinois. What could be worse? Oh yeah, here comes nationally ranked Purdue. The question in the B-town coffee shops now is how much life can be left in the Hoosiers after they’ve lost so much?
The fervor of this rivalry is well documented (see one side chanting “BOILER UP!” and the other answering in unison, “BANNER UP!” for proof), so truth is this series is so much about emotion that it really doesn’t matter where these two find themselves now.
It’s a time when the proverbial records are actually given the proverbial toss out the proverbial window. A rivalry so volatile we’re used to seeing coaches so heated they resort to throwing things; Knight and his chair. Keady and his jacket. Samson and, well take your pick between his future away or the program under a bus.
In a new era Tom Crean and Matt Painter fit the mold. Both are fiery in a “fire in the belly for winning” kind of way. Certainly not the “lose temporary touch with reality” way we saw after Mike Davis stormed the court in Lexington only to dance around like somebody had tossed a voodoo doll of him into a hot skillet.
So what will happen Thursday? The only certainty in all of this is, at one time, an unknown like Buster Douglas could never have ever beaten Mike Tyson. Tyson was the closest thing to Superman the sports world had ever seen. He had never even been knocked down in a fight before. Of course twenty years later we’ve all heard how that story turned out (well Evander Holifield has heard bits and pieces of it anyway).
Crean said recently his kids need to be tougher. The Hoosiers will have to be physical to survive Purdue’s football on hardwood style, even if Tijan Jobe goes 4/5 from downtown. This game will merely be a progress report for Crean’s crash course on toughness however and not a final exam.
What we see Thursday night could be interesting…or it could be ugly. If it’s analysis you seek, the Hoosiers will be smart to stay aggressive and attack Purdue even when logic says protect the ball in the face of their smothering pressure. Crean’s mantra should be “Take them 10 rounds”; absorb their best shot and outlast them. Thursday night the Indiana Hoosiers could do worse than aspiring to be Buster Douglas for a day.