The art of picking wisely

First appeared on March 15th,2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Don’t look now but here we go again. What are we looking at- 64? 65? 98? How many teams are they letting in this year? It really doesn’t matter it’s still the greatest time of the year and no that doesn’t mean the return of the McRib or having to “spring forward”. Rather the NCAA Basketball Tournament is upon us again. And with the return of March Madness comes the expectation that everyone from President Obama to Mahmoud Ahmedinejad will wrestle with the prospect of filling out a competitive tournament bracket. And something tells me, competitive bracket or not, Ahmedinejad wins his office pool every year-just a hunch.


Most of us will agree filling brackets out is our duty and natural born right as American citizens. Still there’s an undefined science behind churning out a good bracket. And each of us who chooses to torment our psyche with the exercise of trying to see into the future does so differently. Many remain steadfastly traditional in simply choosing the higher seed in every matchup and sprinkling in an obvious upset here or there. Some do their homework by scouring ESPN’s Bracketology website before reading the blogs of an endless list of tournament gurus. Others still will go with what is perhaps the most effective method by simply waiting to hear who I favor and then choosing the complete opposite.

Filling out an effective tournament bracket is undoubtedly impossible and saying you’re an expert at choosing a good bracket is like saying you’re an awesome Snipe Hunter or that you really believe in the American political system. Proof that filling out a bracket requires no knowledge of the game can be found in my filling out my wife’s for her a few years ago only to finish dead last in an office pool filled with people who cherish cat calendars or a good Tazo Chai Tea Latte. Trust me, if anyone could have predicted George Mason making the Final Four, we should have known it would be Sue from Accounting.

NCAA Tournament aside, we’ve become a nation obsessed with picking. Picking everything from the best cars to the best clothes to the best time to have a yard sale during which to sell all the clothes we no longer need. We even have websites dedicated to helping us pick everything from the best washer and dryer to the best firm for hiring undocumented workers.

But who can really blame us after all? If choosing a quality dodge ball team during High School P.E. taught us anything at all it’s that the skill of picking wisely can mean life or death (And if you were the kid in black socks who always got picked last before having to go to the nurse because somebody permanently bruised a part of your body society would likely benefit most from your not using anyway, I apologize now).

Still the ugly fact remains that choosing a solid bracket requires no skill whatsoever. I once knew a guy who chose every single underdog on his bracket. Yes, his Final Four consisted of all four #16 seeds. Sounds like a knucklehead right? I lost money to that guy, so who’s the real knucklehead?

The point is, tournament brackets are a boondoggle in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit so don’t waste hours sweating over yours. Don’t tell your children their futures ride on the Hampton Pirates upsetting Duke. Write some names down, throw your five bucks into the hat and hope for the best. And just remember, it doesn’t really matter who advances anyway, we’re all winning in Charlie Sheen’s book.