Friday, June 3, 2011

Happy Birthday IMS

First appeared on May 26th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter 

Happy 100th Birthday Indy. IMS officials have surely wrestled with how best to commemorate your centenarianhood (my word for 100 years old). Donald Trump’s hair flapping in the breeze of a convertible pace car was scheduled to give the title “Greatest Spectacle in Racing” new legs but alas such is not to be the case. Instead IMS will celebrate the occasion with a 300 foot Hot Wheels sponsored truck jump.


While the 7 year old boy in me wants nothing more than to see a truck screaming down a 16 foot wide track made to resemble those I jumped cars off of as a child, it would seem a publicity stunt unworthy of such a fine occasion as this. But one can’t really blame race organizers for failing to rise to the lofty expectations of Indy’s 100th birthday, for in the beginning few expected her to ever make it this far.

In an era when car on buggy accidents spelled the dangers of the road, the Lebanon Pioneer’s headline following the first ever Indianapolis 500 mile race summarized contemporary opinion on the prospect of such an undertaking “One dead, eight hurt-First 500 mile automobile race may be lost”.

1911 was a time when people were still coming to terms with the fallout of the Civil War while sparring over a looming Prohibition. In central Indiana, Ed Adair was doing some repair work on the road in Ratsburg and an “old time slave”, some believe to have been 100, died in Hamilton County. Considering Studebaker was running advertisements boasting their “expert knowledge in wagon building” it’s safe to say nothing about life in 1911 was fast. It was a time when folks passing through Lebanon did so without exceeding 8 miles an hour while in the country speeds approached a white-knuckling 20.

It therefore becomes understandable how ridiculous the prospect of racing cars was. In the aftermath of the first 500 mile race in Indianapolis, the Pioneer speculated that “It is probable that the 500-Mile International Sweepstake race just finished will go down in history as the first and last contest of the sort ever waged”. Clearly unimpressed, The Patriot ran less than a paragraph 2 days following the race stating it ended with “(one) killed, and seven others injured and all for the fame fortune and glory of the automobile.”

Still on May 30th 1911 over 100,000 people arrived on what had been 180 acres of farm ground just a short 5 years prior. The crowd a kaleidoscope of dark Stetsons and lighter straw hats, parasols and white handkerchiefs all spinning just as furiously as the tires of the 40 competitors racing 500 miles. However on that day nothing could stand against Ray Harroun and his Marmon Wasp.

Though little about the early 1900’s appears precocious on the surface, perhaps this is the best word to describe the 500’s first winner. Flamboyant canary yellow paint job aside, his car was in itself a trendsetting model which became amongst the first to take aerodynamics into account. Harroun chose to race without a mechanic, opting instead for a rearview mirror; though it is a mainstay of the North America Automobile industry today, it was at the time a novelty yet to find its stride.

500 miles racing over bricks that 4 time winner A.J. Foyt once said could “shake the fillings out of your head” proved a brutal undertaking. Of the 40 competitors to make the field in 1911, only 12 finished the race. Like a herd of iron cattle, the group forged their way through a haze of exhaust and dust cast from 500 miles worth of pounding bricks. Racing at speeds the Pioneer declared were “almost beyond the conception of human eyes” one car lost control and busted through the fence killing Sam Dickson, a mechanic from Chicago.

With less than 10 miles to go Harroun found himself in a dogfight with two others. At one point Ralph Mulford’s no. 33 Lozier was able to crawl into the lead only to fall victim to an unexpected flat tire which sidelined his team for 2 full minutes. This would prove the difference between first and second place as Harroun grabbed the $10,000 prize, and perhaps more importantly his place in history as the first to accomplish what so many talented racers after would fail to do (see Andretti, Mario).

Perhaps the Lebanon Pioneer had it right by touting the dangers of such a race. For men like Harroun who found 500 miles on a brick raceway so punishing he swore “never again would he enter such a slaughter”, to men like Sam Dickson who had no choice but to end his racing days at the Brickyard, from its inception the Indianapolis 500 has stood as a symbol of American bravery.

It becomes fitting then that she be run on the weekend designated for remembrance of those who were bravest. For we Midwesterners, the Indianapolis 500 is an event linked to Memorial Day by Federal mandate. From 1911 when Boone County commemorated Memorial Day with a roll call of those killed during the Civil War followed by a recitation of the Gettysburg Address made by Alva Wynoop to 2011 when million dollar fighter jets fly over the racetrack in the missing man formation, Hoosiers refuse to forget bravery and sacrifice. And after 100 years there remains no better example than the Indianapolis 500 mile race.

© 2011 Eric Walker Williams

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Down go the Lakers

First appeared on May 12th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Following a shocking 122-86 loss to the Mavericks Sunday the two time defending champion Lakers were swept out of the playoffs. Thus ending the quest for the third ‘3 Peat’ in Franchise history. The loss also likely signifies the end for the greatest basketball coach in a generation. And while it doesn’t close the door on Kobe Bryant’s legacy building days, it certainly has jarred the doorstop loose.


But before you break out the cheap wine and Kleenex, let’s remember these are the Lakers. Is it possible for anyone in the Midwest to shed a tear for these guys? After all L.A. does fly in the face of everything the Midwest stands for. Glitz, glamour, wearing ones sunglasses indoors, these are not things that sit well with us.

We didn’t understand Magic Johnson’s no-look passes or Pat Riley’s $500 suits and slicked back hair. The disgust that surfaced for the Lakers in 2000 when our beloved Pacers made the Finals was not as much a reaction to the red carpet treatment Bryant was getting from referees as much as it was a strong dislike long harbored since the summer of ’87. That year L.A. denied Larry Bird his fourth ring during the last championship appearance he would make as a Celtic.

To us the Lakers are simply the Yankees of professional basketball. Ours is a place where plastic surgery is reserved for farm accidents and anyone who shows up wearing Donald Sutherland’s white sunglasses and black and white checkered coat with matching Fedora would find “Hoosier Hospitality” involves a padded room.

That being said, it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Certainly Commissioner Stern feels the same and knows full well the death of the Lakers may mean the death of ratings as well. As much as I hate L.A. and wanted to see them lose, I wanted it to happen on the biggest of stages; not in the second round of the Playoffs. And how strange the Lakers should fall to the Mavericks and owner Mark Cuban. After all Cuban has long shopped his conspiracy theory that league officiating protects players like Byrant and teams like LA. The only thing more ironic than Cuban’s team hurdling the Lakers is Ron Artest clothes-lining J.J. Barea a week after the NBA handed Ron-Ron their citizenship award.

A Lakers team vying for a Three Peat staring down Miami’s “Big Three” in the Finals would have been a ratings bonanza. This is what everyone wanted. Bryant and LeBron exchanging highlight dunks as Zydrunas Ilgauskas would be, well apparently clanging 19 foot jumpers and committing 3 or 4 over the back fouls each night, not the type of eye-popping performance we’re looking for so let’s leave him out of this for now.

The point here is surely a Lakers-Heat Finals is what Stern wanted. But it would seem ever since Tim Donaghy danced with Lady Justice, nothing has gone according to planned in the Association. The Spurs and Lakers had combined to win 9 of the last 12 NBA Titles and they’re both golfing now.

So what’s next? Phil will likely ride off into the sunset, or into the sunrise I suppose since he does live in L.A., Lamar Odom has his part time gig on the E Channel to fall back on and Kobe Bryant is well-Kobe Bryant. It was just surreal to watch the two-time defending champs wilt like a Pansy. An addled performance rife with blank stares and emotionless effort. After all it is Hollywood, you’d think the Lakers could at least sign someone to act like they care.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Welcome to the Fan Cave

First appeared on May 4th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

So we finally found Osama Bin Laden. And all these years we heard about his living in a cave buried deep inside the Hindu Kush Mountain range; but yet they find him instead living it up in a compound minutes away from Islamabad.


I had such high hopes for his cave too. All this time we were led to believe he was cooped up in some state of the art hole worthy of the cover of Spelunkers Illustrated or Caves Quarterly (CQ for those in the biz). I had pictured Bin Laden perched James Kirk-style in a nerve center dominated by a wall of television screens broadcasting everything from Al Jazeera to Oprah to reruns of “Press Your Luck” while his guests moved about on an elaborate network of elevators, escalators and a Bactrian Camel affectionately nicknamed Bill.

With the kind of lightning fast internet service only Afghanistan could boast, I imagined Osama using a Mind Control Device designed by someone in the Al Queda R&D department to make former President Bush use words like “Strategery” and “Misunderestimated”. And yet, after all this, we find he was living in a suburb of Pakistan’s capital city. Probably buying the latest issues of Cosmo at the local drug store and drinking Latte’s at some Internet Café.

So now that we don’t have the Geraldo Special: “Outside Bin Laden’s Cave!” to look forward to, hope remains for a state of the art grotto that would turn Bat Man green with envy. Major League Baseball has done their part to keep the dream of a super cave alive by bringing the world their Major League Baseball “Fan Cave”. In the heart of New York City’s trendy Greenwich Village one will find MLB’s tribute to the American Sports Fan (Broadway and 4th for those who find this column so inspiring they immediately feel compelled to book a flight to the Big Apple).

The “Fan Cave” is Nirvana for baseball fans. A Mecca for stat geeks and couch potatoes alike. When it was announced that two fans would be granted the opportunity to live inside the cave while watching every single major league baseball game this season some 10,000 applied. Baseball officials sifted through this mountain of interest before settling on Mike O’Hara and Ryan Wagner. No doubt these two proved they had the skills, and lack of economic responsibility, necessary (see: ‘ no Job’ or ‘no kids’), to stay in one place and live a totally sedentary lifestyle for all 2,430 regular season games.

The majority of their lazing about will be done in front of the ”Cave Monster”. This wall of 12 big screens is stationed in front of a set of couches bolted to a stage that has the capability of rotating 360 degrees. During their summer of “Baseball Love” O’Hara and Wagner will use whatever free time they have between the 7,000 plus hours of baseball they will watch to Tweet, Blog, film short clips for the “Fan Cave” website and host whatever former or future Hall of Famer may happen by.

For Mike O’Hara and Ryan Wagner the “Fan Cave” is proof once again that dreams can come true in America. For the U.S. military on the other hand, finding Bin Laden after all these years is proof once again that hard work pays off in the end. So here’s to the men and women of our Armed Forces on a job well done. May the days be short before you find yourself holding a dog and a beer at one of baseball’s 2,340 regular season games.


Find the fan cave at: mlbfancave.mlb.com

© 2011 Eric Walker Williams

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Curmudgeon or young optimist? Pacers face tough decision

First appeared on April 28th, 2011
 in The Lebanon Reporter

Established and once proud, but recently struggling NBA Franchise, seeks candidate for position of head coach. Prior coaching experience not necessary; ability to tell employees whose paychecks are ten times larger than yours how to do their job a must however. Experience making a sub .500 team competitive with the best professional basketball can offer a plus. Ability to get along with fans at home games mandatory (even if the majority are not fans of your team per say). Applicants shall not be curmudgeon-like in their dealings with players, front office personnel, the media, team cheerleaders, trampoline guys or the squeegee kids, the Public Address Announcer and/or the guy who runs the scoreboard etc. Availability for travel a must. Walk in and apply to Conseco Fieldhouse-125 S. Pennsylvania Avenue- Indianapolis, IN.


So what do the Pacers do now? Besides upload the aforementioned job advertisement to Monster immediately of course. The Pacers 2010-11 Season was all but lost when Larry Bird asked Jim O’Brien (inspiration for Scrabble-like use of ‘curmudgeon’ as read earlier) to take a permanent leave of absence. Many were of the belief the results would be minimal. After all, the Pacers Franchise barely had a heartbeat when Larry Bird picked up the phone and asked Frank Vogel to take the wheel for the rest of the season.

What we saw instead was, well…what did we see? We saw two 3 game winning streaks (doubling J.O.B.’s output). We saw wins in 5 of 7 heading into the playoffs. We also saw a winning record under Vogel. But the Pacers lost 6 in a row at one point (a feat J.O.B. also accomplished as well) and were destroyed by 27 in the biggest game of the year.

On the surface the results appear more mixed than not. So what does Larry Bird do now? Well

just in case Larry, or whomever will ultimately be charged with this task, is reading this; here’s what the Pacers should do.

Announce up front they’re launching the search for a new head coach (see aforementioned Monster Ad). Next start at the top by bringing in Brad Stevens and Jim Calhoun. And since I’ve never been a fan of Calhoun’s, let’s tell his agent to expect an invitation before shredding it like Julian Assange was knocking on the door. Next they should interview Bobby Knight and Gene Keady; at the same time. I’m picturing a steel cage scenario where the last man standing gets the job. Maybe you could even give Knight a chair and, just to make things fair, let Keady use his jacket as a weapon since he has ninja-like skills after tossing it around all those years.

Next, just to appease the mythical Kentucky Pacers contingent we hear so much about, they should hire a private investigator to find the grandson of Adolph Rupp (or just dig the legendary coach up if that’s cheaper). After this, they should interview every coach currently employed from the junior high level up to the European professional leagues. And after all this, the Pacers should hire Frank Vogel.

Why Vogel? The answer is clear and goes far beyond the court. For the first time since the pre-brawl days the Pacers matter again. There is a groundswell of excitement for this team and, couple this with the fact they have a ton of money to spend in the off season, next year should bode well for those inside the Pacers ticket office. Not enough? Try Vogel is bright, personable and has the perfect demeanor for handling a crew of young professional athletes. What’s your answer? Kelvin Sampson?


© 2011 Eric Walker Williams

Thursday, April 21, 2011

For Whom the Whistle Blows; repeatedly

First appeared on April 21st, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Remember that guy who always called bogus fouls during pick-up games? You know the type. He waits to see if his shot goes in before calling a cheap foul and, if he in fact misses, wants to make everyone start over again? Before this year’s NBA playoffs I had always pictured this guy as a 50 something bathed in Ben-Gay wearing Rec-Specs, wobbling around on artificial knees in a pair of shorts so tight Paris Hilton would need a shoe horn and some bicycle grease just to squeeze into them; but after games 1 and 2 of the Eastern Conference playoffs I’m now picturing Derrick Rose instead.


Rose attempted 21 free throws in Game 1 alone. With 13 attempts, Game 2 wasn’t much better. Now don’t get me wrong. Rose is awesome. He’s the league Most Valuable Player. He’s also one of the NBA’s rising stars. But he gets a ton of calls. More calls than Snooki might field after a spurned ex-boyfriend has had time to hit every rest area stall on the Jersey Turnpike. More calls than Joe Biden’s Press Secretary likely received while his boss was sleeping (in the shot) on national television during one of President Obama’s recent speeches.

The commentators hype Rose as the next Michael Jordan: “he’s got the same above rim game, he commands the same double teams, he’s great at finding the open man just like Mike…” want to know where the comparison between D Rose and MJ begins and ends? See’ the foul line’.

In this series Rose has feasted on free throws. It’s no secret Jordan did the same during his Playoff runs. And apparently, after Rose scored 19 points during Game 1 from the foul line, Director of NBA Officials Bernie Fryer made the “let’s don’t make screwing Indiana out of the playoffs that obvious “ call to the Game 2 crew thus the reduced number of foul calls.

Still, if anything, the Pacers have opened some eyes to their full potential. This is a talented group of guys who are finally playing as if they were truly hungry. Hungry for not only a playoff win but hungry for respect as well. TNT Analyst Charles Barkley gave a teaspoon to them at halftime Monday night saying the Pacers had basically surprised him at how talented they were.

Through two games we’ve seen flashes of what we already knew. Hibbert is, at times, dominant. As North Carolina’s all time leading scorer, Hansbrough is a big who can defend and make shots. Darren Collison is evolving into a very crafty point guard and Paul George is going to be really good. But to put it all together in one game? Heck, to put it all together for two games. That’s what we haven’t seen enough of. That’s the frustration that allowed the turnstiles at Conseco to gather rust over the last few years.

Still the facts are evident. With the Bulls firmly in control of the series (and by firmly here I mean having been outscored 4 of 8 quarters and playing from behind most of the time) so many unanswered questions remain. Can the Pacers force this series back to Chicago? If so, will a 60 win team actually give the Pacers another opportunity to win on the road after blowing two previous chances? And, as long as they remain competitive in the series, what does it all mean for the future of Frank Vogel?

One thing’s for sure, it will take an 11th hour city ordinance against whistle blowing in public to keep Rose off the foul line tonight.

© 2011 Eric Walker Williams

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Welcome back to the Postseason Pacer Fans

First appeared on April 15th, 2011
in The Lebanon Reporter

Ok pacer fans, you got your wish. For the first time since 2006, your team is back in the playoffs. This is what you’ve been asking for. But what now? Is it all rainbows and sunshine from here on? Is Slick supposed to dust off the Boom Baby’s because the Pacers will suddenly play like its 1998? Will we see Conseco full for the first time since Jay Z left town?


What does making the playoffs really mean for this team? Does it signal an important mile marker on a journey back to relevance or does it simply mean the only place Indiana is heading is onto the altar to become sacrificial lambs for the Chicago Bulls?

I’ll be honest. I quit watching the Pacers when March Madness began. This being said, they are taking steps in the right direction but they remain steadfastly frustrating. Virtually every game this season saw them race out to a lead, remain über competitive for three quarters and then wilt faster than a plant potted in radioactive soil when crunch time arrived.

Through it all, Jim O’Brien’s tinkering with the line up, his jerking around of Josh McRoberts, his ultimate firing which birthed the Frank Vogel era, fans have been there; well somewhere, they haven’t been at Conseco, but I’m sure they’ve been somewhere wishing the Pacers well. The Blue and Gold had the worst attendance in the league this season which could be a sign of a bad economy or could simply mean people in Indiana have found other things to do. Lots of other things.

That being said, despite three losses by an average of 17 points, Indiana proved they could beat Chicago the last time they met. Beating them over a seven game series is a stretch, but winning 2 or 3 games would go a long way towards doing the one thing the Pacers franchise was founded to do: put butts in the seats.

The Bulls are tough. Carlos Boozer was a terrific off season move that brought not only defense but a polished offensive game as well. In Luol Deng the Bulls have a player whose best classified as a match up nightmare while energy and deadeye shooting from long range are provided by Joakim Noah and Kyle Korver respectively.

So just how do the Pacers avoid becoming a speed bump on Chicago’s road to the Eastern Conference Finals you may ask? The answer is found in Derrick Rose. The All Star point guard is not simply the spark plug for Chicago’s engine. He’s the starter solenoid, pistons and piston rings, crankshaft, rocker arm, flywheel, oil pump, oil trough and air cleaner. In short, he’s everything.

Stopping Rose is key to stopping the Bulls. Sounds easy enough, but if the Pacers can keep Rose out of the lane they stand a much better chance of beating Chicago. Averaging 27 points a game versus Indiana this year, Rose is most effective when he can find his way to the basket. In Roy Hibbert and Tyler Hansbrough the Pacers have an inside presence that can negate scoring at the rim, or at least make it very difficult.

That’s why this match up will hinge on Indiana’s front line. If they are committed to making it clear to Chicago that lay ups will not be an option during the series then Rose will struggle to repeat the 42 point performance he had last time out versus Indiana. If they aren’t going to stake control of the lane early however, the Pacers might as well start asking Manny Ramirez for retirement home advice.



© 2011 Eric Walker Williams

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The greatest time to be a Hoosier

First appeared on April 7th, 2011
 in The Lebanon Reporter

With Butler and Notre Dame each having opportunities at winning National Titles in the Men’s and Women’s basketball tournaments respectively, it’s been quite a week here in Indiana. One must wonder, aside from the state of Indiana’s Men’s Basketball program and $3.85 gas, has there ever been a better time to be a Hoosier?


After all, we do boast 2 National Runner Ups and are just 10 months away from hosting Football’s biggest party. Let us not forget the Indianapolis 500 will find 100 candles on its birthday cake this year and the Pacers are (well, let’s just leave them out of this for now).

Has there ever been a better time to be a Hoosier? What other time could possibly compare? The Dan Quayle VP years? Bobby Knight punching a cop in Puerto Rico? Gary’s notorious reign as “Murder Capital of the World”? I’m taking right here, right now.

Everyone talked about a Hollywood ending after Butler made the Final Four and found a way to get past the “Little Engine that could” in VCU. This was to supplant last year’s heart-stopping loss to Duke and it was set up to be the greatest sequel since Chevy Chase returned in “Fletch Lives”. Instead what we saw Monday night turned out to be nothing short of a nightmare for Butler and there is no writer in Hollywood twisted enough to concoct a more tragic end to the Bulldog’s season.

And while national pundits continue waxing revisionist and openly intimating towards an all out Bulldog choke job, let’s give UCONN the credit they deserve. They were taller at every position and their length bothered Butler. Their size erased opportunities around the rim. Their size challenged perimeter shots and it definitely was in the head of every Bulldog who found himself with a sliver of daylight through which to launch an open shot.

This accounted for 18% shooting. It was not the massive coronary brought on by a combination of pressure from an arena jammed with 75,000 and a chance to grab history as so many have diagnosed.

For the Lady Irish, just reaching the championship game was a feat in itself as the last 10 minutes of their semi-final match up with UCONN were spectacular. Timely shots, stingy defense and a refusal to be denied as displayed by jitterbug point guard, and South Bend native, Skylar Diggins. And all this after surviving the best punch Maya Moore, arguably the best women’s collegiate player ever, could muster.

The Title game saw a back and forth affair with Texas A&M in which Diggins and Devereaux Peters were fantastic. In the end however the Aggies All American center Danielle Adams was too much to handle.

So congratulations to Brad Stevens and his Bulldogs as well as Muffet McGraw’s Lady Irish. Congratulations to fans who followed them all season and to those like myself who hitched a temporary bandwagon ride. And while the ride may not have reached the destination we all hoped for, once again it proves it’s about the journey.

Life is about moments. These games provided moments we can look back on fondly while moving on. Dots on a roadmap to stand as reminders of a memorable period of time in what is hopefully a long journey for us all.

Be proud of these kids. Be proud of what they achieved and of the way they played the game. But beyond all else, be proud of the way they represented the state we all call home and be proud of your chance to live through the greatest time to be a Hoosier.

© 2011 Eric Walker Williams