In more than one way Williams was a true American hero

First appeared on November 12, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Joe Cronin made some tough decisions in his life. He once passed on signing Willie Mays and chose to marry the niece of a General Manager who would later trade him. But in September of 1941, as manager of the Boston Red Sox, Cronin faced perhaps his toughest challenge of all. With two games left in the season Cronin wanted to sit his left fielder (who was flirting with .400) in order to protect his chance at history.


In legendary fashion, Ted Williams would have none of it and insisted instead on playing the last two games of the year. Struggling in the first game, the future Hall of Famer’s average dipped below .400 after going just 1 for 4. Then, in the final game of the season, “Teddy Ball Game” hammered out 4 hits and the rest is history.

For a variety of reasons 1941 was an unforgettable year. New York Yankee Joe DiMaggio batted safely in 56 straight games while Williams hit .400 for DiMaggion’s arch-rival Red Sox. Both marks stand to this day, almost 70 years later.

But for other reasons entirely 1941 should not soon be forgotten. For what followed that sensational summer on the diamond was one of the most tragic days in our nation’s history. On December 7th over 2,000 Americans would lose their lives during the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Pearl Harbor changed the course of a nation. It awoke a sleeping giant. It also thrust one of Baseball’s greatest heroes into the action. On May 22nd, 1942 Williams enlisted in the Navy. Though he would finish the 42 season before reporting for duty as most players who were drafted did, he refused an assignment playing for the Navy’s traveling baseball team choosing instead to enroll in the Naval Aviator program.

What followed was a year and a half of intense training, including time spent studying in Bunker Hill, Indiana. Williams earned his wings in May of 1944, officially becoming a Navy pilot. In 1946, as the war was winding down, Williams had reported to Hawaii to await orders as a replacement pilot in the Pacific Theatre before being called home.

From 1946 to 1952 he was back on the diamond winning 2 American League MVP’s and setting an AL record after facing 3 pitchers in the same inning. In May of 1952 however, during what some would call the height of his career, Ted Williams was recalled to duty in Korea. Here he became an award winning pilot after flying over 30 combat missions.

Williams’ career began with an appearance at Yankee Stadium in which he shared the field for the first and last time with Yankee legend Lou Gehrig. He was a Triple Crown winner and the last man to hit .400 and for all of these things he is revered.

Lost in all the gaudy numbers and history is the fact that the most important thing Teddy Ball Game did for his country didn’t happen between the lines. For he is just one of countless men and women who have sacrificed much in defending our nation.

Athletes are heroes to many. Real heroes aren’t interviewed on television after kicking a 55 yard field goal or throwing a no hitter however. Real heroes are those who have marched holes clean through their boots, eaten cold MRE’s and tried to fall asleep on the tracks of a tank with thoughts of road side bombs or Nazi landmines racing through their heads.

These are the ones who deserve the standing ovation. These are the ones whose pictures should hang in a Hall of Fame families can drag their wide eyed kids into every summer. In the mean time it’s up to us to just say thanks. Veterans don’t want a SuperBowl parade or expect to see you wearing a replica jersey with their name on it. Just say thanks. Take the time to hear their stories. Find your own way to show the same pride in our country they did. For celebrating Freedom should be an easy decision for anyone, even Joe Cronin.

For Miami at least, the heat is on for the rest of the season

First appeared on November 3rd, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Whether you forgot to pay your electric bill or have joined a cult waging war against the medium that is television, two big stories exist in our nation currently. The first being the midterm elections and the second being the Miami Heat. And because I am still trying to shake nightmares triggered by overexposure to fear-mongering attack ads, let’s focus on the Heat instead.


Perhaps some of you are unaware LeBron James and Chris Bosh, two of the NBA’s best players, signed with the Miami Heat in the off season. Just to be on the safe side I should probably tell those of you who missed this massive shift in power that we also elected our first African American President and communist Russia no longer exists.

The decision of James and Bosh to go to Miami not only ignited a media firestorm, but also created a roster with three of the league’s 10 best players. Such a roster, which has been previously unheard of in league history, comes with unparalleled expectations. During the first quarter of their season opener last week in Boston all these lofty expectations culminated in the Heat’s scoring a measly nine points.

All the offseason hype, all the second guessing and dancing on stage with smoke machines exploding in the background translated to a measly nine points. Nine points was the result of four months of waiting, heated barber shop jabbering and Miami cabbies guaranteeing everything short of the Heat conquering Canada or Mexico.

The Heat’s roster is talented but this is basketball. You’re not adding a couple power hitters to a baseball line up. These guys need time to figure out where each likes to work with the ball and what each can do with the ball. Basketball is a game of rhythm and timing and right now, like a bad Idol contestant, the Heat have neither.

Comparisons with the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls team that won 72 games are rampant. And, at this point, that is simply unfair. That Chicago core had played hundreds of games together. Counting Wades injury and time off the floor, this nucleus has played less than 10 total games together.

In short they will not win 72 games this year and while I’m at it, they won’t win a Title either. Rebounding the basketball and defending at the rim will be recurring issues that nag them all year.

The Lakers made positive off season strides as well, adding to a championship roster that went virtually unchanged otherwise. Los Angeles simply having more on floor experience together will go much further than the athletic ability or individual talents of Miami.

That being said, the Heat are exactly what the NBA needs. They’ll sell tickets, generate hype and provide SportsCenter with a near constant loop of unbelievable highlights.

Don’t misconstrue this as an attack on LeBron either for these have become all too sheik. At some point, his millions and the self-indulgent insensitivity of “The Decision” aside, it’s easy to feel sorry for the guy somehow. Everyone makes mistakes, for proof see the genius who came up with New Formula Coke; let’s just call him “The guy who no longer works for Coca Cola”. Cleveland Owner Dan Gilbert was obviously hurt when he spoke about LeBron’s decision to leave. But upon further review his fundamental point may be rooted in fact. For proof of what kind of competitor James truly is we’ll have to wait until May and June roll around for that’s when the stakes get higher. Until then, enjoy the ride; and the fact it’s not longer campaign season of course.

David Copperfield is the most powerful man in the world

First appeared on October 27th
in The Lebanon Reporter

You know that guy who always showed off at college parties using card tricks? With a goggling gaggle lapping his lame act up? I hated those guys. My online therapist says I’m suppressing a childhood fear of magic or clowns; but I think it’s more about my own supernatural shortcomings.


Life isn’t fair and the secret of life may lie in accepting this fact. At some point, bad days will find us all and it’s no different for those in the sports world. One has to wonder if David Copperfield has bad days though. The gold standard of magicians, Copperfield is one of a short list of men whose very names are associated with an unparalleled degree of deception; Copperfield, Houdini, Al Gore.

As for Copperfield though, it’s tough to imagine anybody who owns his own chain of Bahamian Islands having a bad day. Surely anyone who can walk through the Great Wall of China or make the Statue of Liberty disappear could remedy problems plaguing simple folk like us. That’s why whenever I have a bad day I like to play my favorite game; “If I was David Copperfield”.

If I was David Copperfield I would have teleported myself and Purdue coach Danny Hope to Hawaii on Saturday. I would have done this not only to save Hope from the embarrassment of a 49-0 loss at Ohio State, but it also seems like a really cheap way to see Hawaii as well.

If I was David Copperfield I would use my magic talent and creepy expressions to help others. Because making people disappear is as tired as any storyline that includes the names Brett or Favre, I would use my obligatory magic box on wheels instead to heal the knees of both Robbie Hummel and Darius Willis, as well as Dallas Clark’s wrist, and Joseph Addai’s shoulder and the bruised ego of Pat McAfee.

After a disappointing performance from Bill Lynch’s Indiana University football team in Champaign Saturday, if I was David Copperfield I would wave my magic wand and erase your memory. This way you would forget I ever guaranteed a bowl berth for the Hoosiers. What’s that? You hadn’t remembered? See-it’s working all ready.

If I was David Copperfield I would use my death saw to halve the New York Yankees roster and share their best players with the rest of the league. Of course I wouldn’t give anyone to the Rangers or Giants because making the World Series is proof they don’t need help. I wouldn’t help the Phillies either because they almost won their third straight pennant. Oh yeah, and for obvious reasons I wouldn’t give any to the Cardinals. On second thought maybe I would just cut the Yankees in two and give the best half to the Cubs.

While I’m at it, if I was David Copperfield I would have made Steve Bartman’s hands disappear prior to the 8th inning of the 2003 NLCS game 6….don’t worry I would have reappeared them after he signed a notarized letter swearing never to return to Wrigley Field. And why stop with Bartman? If I was David Copperfield I would have made Dwight Clark disappear from the corner of the end zone in the 4th quarter of the 1982 NFC Championship game with :51 seconds left and the Cowboys leading 27-21. And if I was David Copperfield I would also have stolen Christian Laettner’s arms, legs and ability to control bodily functions during Duke’s 1992 Final Four match up with IU.

In retrospect, magicians appear to have it easy. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand them.

BCS needs to take a long walk off a short pier

First appeared on October 20th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

Would somebody please do the sports world a favor and put the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) out of its misery. It is high time the NCAA scrap this epic failure and (pardon my gratuitous use of yet another tired analogy) go back to the drawing board. Just like landline telephones and the Californian Condor, it would appear the best days are behind the BCS.


It’s like an old racehorse somebody needs to put out to pasture or a dinosaur from Detroit gargling gasoline as a Prius zips by silently in the passing lane. It’s the old hunting dog that can’t see, hear or smell but his master somehow lets him back into the truck every season.

So the BCS rankings have finally come out and, despite a well crafted rumor that it would be Boise State, Oklahoma is the team we are here-to-after decreed to bow to. Many expected Boise State to start out on top, early in the game, only to let them slide down as others crept their way up; the ultimate in lip service.

In reality if ever the BCS should give Boise State their title chance there would appear to be no better place or time than now. With no clear cut favorites in the field a “David v. Goliath” title game would actually generate more interest than whatever powerhouse schools are thrown at us at the end of the year.

Instead it would appear the BCS is rapidly approaching NASCAR Chase for the Cup-like status in the world of sporting events capable of generating mass yawns and disinterest amongst an otherwise rabid fan base. Of course I have no solutions to offer. Had I any- a part time pretend sports columnist I would not be. Instead I’ll take a play out of Cesar Millan’s off camera playbook and simply continue to beat the BCS with a rolled up newspaper.

The worst part about the entire system is that nobody can explain it. It’s like the Theory of Relativity, we all know it exists and that Einstein was a genius for discovering it-but none of us can begin to explain how it pertains to our everyday lives. It would seem the only way the BCS could possibly get any worse is if it hired Mel Gibson to do its PR.

In fact I can explain the BCS formula about as well as a monkey can order Chinese from a menu printed in Mandarin. Certainly the NCAA knows if they make the BCS selection process as complicated as humanly possible, most people won’t bat an eye when they announce their Title Game. And those who do are easily paid off or find themselves breaking rocks in a Siberian labor camp.

Simply put the everyday fan may want to see Boise State in the Championship game, but the people who really matter to the NCAA do not. And by “people who really matter” here we mean advertisers. Yes, all the grandstanding ESPN did surrounding the initial BCS selection show was meant to sell advertising dollars, not fill a void in your life.

So in the long run if you really think Boise State will ever actually appear in the BCS championship game you are probably the same person who believes in the U.S. government or Unicorns. The only way the Broncos will ever make the title game is if Nebraska, Ohio State, Alabama and Oklahoma put together an All Star team to play them first. Talk about a delicious match up; of course for the time being a Californian Condor egg omelet will simply have to suffice.

Swamp People won't Disappoint

First appeared on October 12, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

October is known for thrills and chills, a time when farmers return to their fields to reap what they have sown and a time for Cub fans to struggle for reasons to get out of bed.


So it was with great anticipation that I turned to “Swamp People” (History Channel, Sundays 10/9 c), looking for something to get my heart beating again. Fully expecting a distant cousin of Wes Craven’s masterpiece “Swamp Thing”, I discovered instead a pocket of the world where apparently evolution is yet to be defined, or by most accounts is late for the party.

For those yet to experience “Swamp People”, it is an unscripted diary chronicling the rudimentary existence of Louisiana’s Alligator hunters. It’s the Beverly Hillbillies meet the Crocodile Hunter.

If you’re confused why this is on the Sports Page, before continuing let me mention alligator hunting is in fact a sport; and it’s been a slow sports week otherwise.

Since the number of you who have been struck by lightning is probably higher than the number who have actually been Alligator hunting before, I will summarize the concept in one sentence.

You find the perfect swamp stump, wrap a shoestring with a barbed fishhook large enough to make Captain Hook jealous around it and wait until an Alligator bites into the rotting chicken meat you’ve baited it with.

To be fair Times Square the Atchafalaya River Basin is not. A million acre swamp that gashes the southern third of Louisiana, this remote wilderness is home to 300 different bird species, an estimated 1.5 million Alligators and, of course, the Swamp People. With this in mind it’s understandable that harvesting gators has been a way of life there far longer than the state of Louisiana has been around.

Acadians, or Cajuns as many know them, take pride in the fact they were castaways. Sent down from Canada to start a new life, few could have realized they would settle into the Atchafalaya swamp only to lie unmolested for 200 years. That was until, like a frozen caveman, a group of History Channel Producers unearthed them in a state of perfect preservation.

What “Swamp People” does is shed light on a part of Americana few realize existed. Fried alligator, swamp rats, grown men hunting half-naked (save a pair of overalls) in Crocs (no pun intended, one was literally wearing Crocs), “Swamp People” is as entertaining as it is crude.

Say what you will, you have to love “Swamp People” for being the one show that dares to stick a finger in PETA’s eye. It’s the politically incorrect elephant in the room in an era when environmental awareness has arguably never been higher.

If the sight of a spider on the floor sends you running for the high ground safety that is the coffee table, then “Swamp People” is probably not for you. The show is so over the top it’s almost as if a group of History Channel producers literally asked a table of writers to put together something so insensitive it would convince the entire nation to join PETA overnight.

What “Swamp People” is to me, if you can get by the images of a rifle being jammed against the head of an alligator writhing for his life, is a celebration of American Culture. Oral history in the digital age. Uncomfortable as some may find it, “Swamp People” is actually the closest thing we’ve probably ever seen to Reality Television. Yes, its official- Reality TV has a new standard bearer. No matter what anyone says, “Swamp People” is a show full of teeth.

Bill Lynch and the Indiana Hoosiers are Runnin' down their own dreams

First appeared on October 6th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter

It’s been twenty years since Tom Petty released “Full Moon Fever”. I only remember it because it was the first cassette tape I ever bought. For those of you too young to know, a cassette was like an IPOD before there were IPOD’s. Well, I guess that’s only true if IPOD’s held less than 12 songs and were eaten by the cassette player of my car every other day. So I guess in reality a cassette is like an IPOD only far less cooler (although you can’t fix an IPOD with scotch tape and a ball point pen).


This random foray into the evolution of popular music is part of a circuitous route to the fact that hearing “Runnin’ Down a Dream” come over the car radio the other day spun me into a stream of consciousness. It was a magical experience dominated by visions of a Chevy Cavalier complete with black interior and no A/C, kitschy album artwork, one incredible road trip song and Indiana University’s football team; all at 70 MPH.

“It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down”

What a place and time to have one of the great performances in school history. Broadcast on ESPN, potential recruits saw one of Indiana Football’s largest crowds ever crammed into Memorial Stadium. And what followed can only be described as tremendous.

“I felt so good, like anything was possible”

There was an unfamiliar air of confidence in Bloomington Saturday. An energy generated by an undefeated start and magical memories from the Big House a year before. What followed was simply an incredible performance (offensive performance mind you). Unfazed by Heisman hype, the Hoosiers matched Michigan (AP #18) punch for punch as both offenses were unstoppable (over 1100 total yards).

The resolve Indiana showed much of last year was still there. A potent offense mixed with grit and toughness. Coming back time and again until, after the commentators had repeatedly said “you like Indiana’s chances if Robinson has to beat you with his arm”, Robinson went out and beat IU with his arm.

“Runnin’ down a dream, that never would come to me”

For three years now head coach Bill Lynch and his Indiana Hoosiers have been running down their own dream. Lynch has gone from a bowl berth piloting a team covered with Terry Hoeppner’s fingerprints to creating one marked by his own. Everyone in IU’s locker room is fighting for respect, fighting for recruits and fighting to the end in games the program used to find embarrassing.

“workin’ on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads”

My crystal ball tells me the Hoosiers will make a bowl appearance this year, of course in 1989 the same crystal ball told me to buy as many cassettes as possible because the technology could NEVER get better.

The Hoosiers have another difficult test in Ohio State this week before Arkansas State comes up for Homecoming. This should be a welcome confidence boost before the final six games. A stretch including ranked opponents in Iowa and Wisconsin and a home game against Penn State that Athletic Director Fred Glass might regret moving to Maryland.

Counting Arkansas State, the Hoosiers will likely need to find 3 more wins if they want to go bowling. Beating Northwestern and Illinois would set up another must win with Purdue like the one that saw Austin Starr nail the kick heard round the state.

So come December just what tune will Bill Lynch be singing? Hoosier fans hope it includes Petty’s last line:

“There’s somethin’ good waitin’ down this road, and I’m pickin’ up whatever is mine”.

Will the third Zeller be the charm for IU?

First appeared on September 28th, 2010
in The Lebanon Reporter
So Washington High School’s Cody Zeller is the “must get” Tom Crean “must get” or apparently the four horsemen of the apocalypse will ride into Crean’s living room and it won’t be to shoot a Capital One commercial. This is what the local media types would have us believe. I’ll openly admit listening to and reading local sports personalities; if it weren’t for them then coming up with material would be like A LOT harder plus I wouldn’t be able to spell complicated words like sensationalism or non-partisanship.


And it’s probably best explained before I go on that I don’t buy anyone peddling high school kids like pieces of meat. Nowadays it would seem any Plecostomus with a laptop and no distinguishable form of a life produces their own list of prospects. What happened to the days when people left it to Street and Smith’s or George Michael (of the “Sports Machine” fame, not of the “public bathroom” fame) to tell them who the best players where?

Some believe, when it comes to Zeller, that Crean needs to do whatever necessary to bring the kid to B-Town- except for going all “Ricky Roe” and rolling in a family tractor that is; or calling him every 30 seconds as one former IU coach is likely to suggest.

It all makes one wonder if this is about Crean landing a top recruit or if it’s more about IU whiffing at the first two Zellers? I think it’s really more about public perception. All apologies to Purdue, but since I’ve been alive the public perception (and by public we’re speaking of the 294 million Americans not living in Indiana) has been that Indiana University has the top basketball program in the state.

Understanding nature’s rule that there be only one big dog in every pack; the rest are required to stay on the porch. And as far as Indiana’s proverbial front porch is concerned, Butler is as close as they have ever been to supplanting the Hoosiers as the big dog. And before I go on, no-Indiana’s proverbial front porch does not include any form of washer-dryer combination.

Which brings us back to Zeller. Who cares if he goes to North Carolina anyway? Would that be the end of the world? I mean it’s not like the Surgeon General’s put out a warning that DVR causes cancer or MTV is cancelling “The Hills” (What’s that? They cancelled “The Hills”?).

Hoosier fans can’t see Zeller’s choosing another school as a bad thing. A bad thing would be announcing the demolition of Assembly Hall the day after Zeller passes on IU or signing Oprah’s Texting While Driving Ban simply because you secretly hold out hope she will give you a car or a trip to Australia for doing so.

This is more about ours being a world of instant gratification. A world slowly breeding an entire generation of people too impatient to wait for anything (these people don’t read newspapers because yesterday’s news is SO yesterday). Why watch Indiana struggle when you can just go to Wal-Mart, buy some Butler boxer shorts and call yourself a fan? Besides, it’s a far easier move than stomaching another double figure loss to Kentucky.

The NCAA early signing period starts the second week of November. After visiting Butler and North Carolina, Zeller’s “Magical Mystery Tour” will conclude in Bloomington on October 31st. If the Hoosier’s lose him to UNC it’s not “Tom-you better start looking over your shoulder news”. But should Crean lose Zeller to Butler, then panic might have good reason to go house hunting in Bloomington.